Happiesttogether Posted September 19, 2021 Share Posted September 19, 2021 (edited) I have been seeing this guy on the side for a few months. Made it clear as day that I won’t leave my husband for him, to which he acknowledged and agreed. Now he is convinced that we will have a future and he sees me in it, with his Son. Who has become extremely attached to me after countless times of saying and asking to not brings kids into this. As my kid has not and will not be introduced to him. Iv called it off countless times blocked ignored ect. He pitches up at my gate and doesn’t leave. Follows me to work till I take him back or talk to him. He is convinced we will be something, I have no intention of being with him past the completion of my contract, when I can return to my husband in another country. I created this mess now I’m living the consequences. Where to from here? Yes it sounds dumb and and obvious fix but he keeps popping up and my lack of self control just gets the better of me. Edited September 19, 2021 by a LoveShack.org Moderator language Link to post Share on other sites
central Posted September 19, 2021 Share Posted September 19, 2021 Do you have any friends in whom you've confided? If so, perhaps they can help you break this off by encouraging your self-control. Link to post Share on other sites
Luna66star Posted September 19, 2021 Share Posted September 19, 2021 Did you promise him anything in the beginning? Why does he think there will be something with you? Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted September 20, 2021 Share Posted September 20, 2021 2 hours ago, Happiesttogether said: and my lack of self control just gets the better of me. Obviously this is because you want to be with him. The answer lies in controling yourself to make better choices, mean it and stick to them. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
DKT3 Posted September 20, 2021 Share Posted September 20, 2021 If I'm being honest, this guy sounds dangerous. I know you believe this is somehow a sign of his love for you and you likely enjoy the idea, but if you really think about it, its very manipulative and controlling behavior. This guy will probably contact your husband next. No idea how you will get out of this with blowing up your marriage, this will end very bad. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted September 20, 2021 Share Posted September 20, 2021 7 hours ago, Happiesttogether said: Iv called it off countless times blocked ignored ect. He pitches up at my gate and doesn’t leave. Follows me to work till I take him back or talk to him. Stop doing this. He knows the pressure tactics work with you, so have to stop caving to him. I would be concerned for my safety with a guy like this, honestly. He's too much. If he continues to show up and refuses to leave, phone the police. Don't be surprised if he finds a way to expose all of this to your husband. I would expect that, actually. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
NYAG Posted September 20, 2021 Share Posted September 20, 2021 11 hours ago, Happiesttogether said: I have been seeing this guy on the side for a few months. Made it clear as day that I won’t leave my husband for him, to which he acknowledged and agreed. Now he is convinced that we will have a future and he sees me in it, with his Son. Who has become extremely attached to me after countless times of saying and asking to not brings kids into this. As my kid has not and will not be introduced to him. Iv called it off countless times blocked ignored ect. He pitches up at my gate and doesn’t leave. Follows me to work till I take him back or talk to him. He is convinced we will be something, I have no intention of being with him past the completion of my contract, when I can return to my husband in another country. I created this mess now I’m living the consequences. Where to from here? Yes it sounds dumb and and obvious fix but he keeps popping up and my lack of self control just gets the better of me. When does your contract end? Make sure this guy has no way of finding out about your real life. If he doesn't like it when it really ends you don't want him making life messy for you. You need to have a very serious talk with this guy. Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted September 20, 2021 Share Posted September 20, 2021 11 hours ago, Happiesttogether said: I have no intention of being with him past the completion of my contract, when I can return to my husband in another country. Do you you have an open marriage? Does your husband have a local lover too? As long as you are this desperate for male attention, this guy will keep coming around. Is he married also? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Happiesttogether Posted September 20, 2021 Author Share Posted September 20, 2021 He is not married, my husband has female friends which he contacts regularly Link to post Share on other sites
pepperbird2 Posted September 20, 2021 Share Posted September 20, 2021 yeah, I second the voices that advise caution. There's something off abut this guy Trust me, the "protection" can soon turn to possessiveness and abuse, and you'll find yourself asking how the hell you ever got to the place you'll find yourself in. Right now, this is relatively small-you can cleanly walk away. The longer you stay, the worse it;s going to get. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Nothanks Posted September 21, 2021 Share Posted September 21, 2021 He is stalking you. Email or text him that you want no further contact and go down to your local police station to ask if there is anything else you can do to stop his harassment. If you are the only adult in your house, consider additional security (locks, cameras, etc) or moving and changing phone numbers. A women’s domestic abuse shelter may also be able to direct you to additional resources. Whatever you do, do not talk to him if he calls. No contact! 2 Link to post Share on other sites
DKT3 Posted September 21, 2021 Share Posted September 21, 2021 17 hours ago, Happiesttogether said: He is not married, my husband has female friends which he contacts regularly That wasn't really the question, so I'm guessing not. I have female friends i contact, but I'm not having sex with them. I guessing this is part of your justifications. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
mark clemson Posted September 21, 2021 Share Posted September 21, 2021 Seems like this should be addressed as much as possible in the same way you'd address any unwanted attention/harassment/stalker BF. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Caauug Posted September 22, 2021 Share Posted September 22, 2021 On 9/20/2021 at 5:48 AM, Happiesttogether said: Iv called it off countless times blocked ignored ect. He pitches up at my gate and doesn’t leave. Follows me to work till I take him back or talk to him. That's not working.... The "Make up" sex must be good, he keeps coming back for more. Link to post Share on other sites
Bryanp Posted September 22, 2021 Share Posted September 22, 2021 I hope you get tested for STD's before you return to your home country. Are you implying that your husband has been having sex with his female friends while you have been out of the country? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Happiesttogether Posted September 22, 2021 Author Share Posted September 22, 2021 Well yes, it was obvious and he didn’t deny it, when we spoke about it. Link to post Share on other sites
mark clemson Posted September 22, 2021 Share Posted September 22, 2021 (edited) Sounds like you're in an open marriage, if perhaps you've arrived at that situation in a "roundabout way". A de facto open marriage is still a marriage, so your OM really has no business trying to break it up if you don't want that. Sex tends to go hand-in-hand with emotion, so from everything I hear open marriages tend to be at higher risk of difficulties and/or dissolution. Something to keep in mind. Consider reading "The Ethical Slut" which despite the title is apparently a respected book on structuring polyamory situations for success/less risk. Edited September 22, 2021 by mark clemson Link to post Share on other sites
HappilyMarried Posted September 22, 2021 Share Posted September 22, 2021 Ok, just curious @Happiesttogetheris this the guy from your thread in the Long Distance topic that you said 5 months ago and I quote "I will take that breather and recollect myself this interaction with this one guy" so this guy you are talking about in this thread the same one? Also, are still in the other country having all of this fun (sex) whenever you want or in your mind need while your husband is at home taking care of it and raising your son? A couple more questions if you don't mind. Now that travel restrictions have been eased how many times have you went to visit your husband and son (if at all)? If you have been home what did you tell your husband about your tinder friends? If you have not been home (why I don't know if you really wanted to) have you told your husband about you having sex who knows how many times with this one guy, plus the others you talked about. I'm really sorry for this for you, but I am really sorry about your poor husband and son. Who you did not respect or care enough about to stay true to your husband and your son. Now if your husband is doing everything you have done then I guess you both have some work to do. Finally, now that Covid restrictions have been lifted why can't your husband and son come to you. If this job is so good surely he could find something now that your son is school age and you all live as a family again. I hope I'd be wrong but from what you have shared in just 8 post in two threads I'm not sure you really want that. I think you like being able to live as a single person and have a loving husband and son at home. Best of luck! Link to post Share on other sites
NYAG Posted September 23, 2021 Share Posted September 23, 2021 14 hours ago, Happiesttogether said: Well yes, it was obvious and he didn’t deny it, when we spoke about it. If you are basically in an open marriage and that works for you both then that's fine, but set the ground rules and don't just assume. Have a proper conversation about it and make sure you are both on the same page. Some relationships naturally slip into this dynamic but it does require open communication, honesty and being on the same page. Also, respect each other's (and everyone elses) health and be careful. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
DKT3 Posted September 23, 2021 Share Posted September 23, 2021 If she was in an open marriage she would have opened with that. I think there is a good chance her husband is sleeping with other women only in her head. She was asked directly and she was cagey with her answer. Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted September 23, 2021 Share Posted September 23, 2021 It's fine you and your husband have an open marriage, however dragging others unwittingly into your arrangements is not how to go about it. End it with this man. Be honest about your arrangements. Surely someone will be interested in no-strings sex when you explain you're in an open marriage and it won't go further than casual local sex. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Happiesttogether Posted September 23, 2021 Author Share Posted September 23, 2021 (edited) So yes it was the same post, as of then I had told my husband everything and cut all ties with this guy. My husband went on to tell me he had met someone who he enjoyed spending time with and I was ok with it. After a few months on ongoing begging and a very serious conversation with the other guy I had made it crystal clear I wouldn’t leave my husband and I think it’s better for him to leave me alone. His son used to pitch up at my house wanting to spend time or having issues to talk about. This is a four year old, I couldn’t say no. this happened in various manners, since he has no mum I naturally can’t hold myself back. Covid restrictions between our two countries have not been lifted. I cannot leave to go there and my sons school and our work will not allow him to return if he leaves to come here. we have no expected date on when this will return to normal Edited September 23, 2021 by Happiesttogether Link to post Share on other sites
HappilyMarried Posted September 23, 2021 Share Posted September 23, 2021 (edited) 10 hours ago, Happiesttogether said: I had told my husband everything So you told your husband about all of the sex you and this other guy have had over the past 5+ months. So did you also tell your husband that this man also does not want you to have anything to do with him? Did you also tell your husband about the numerous other men beside the one you told your husband about while he was not doing anything like you were? "Problem is: I have been meeting guys for the sole purposes of fulfilling a release. Just for the sex. As many of you know those lines get blurred I had the first guy catch feelings." The bold part above is a quote from your other thread 5 months ago did you share this as well? 10 hours ago, Happiesttogether said: cut all ties with this guy. On 9/19/2021 at 5:48 PM, Happiesttogether said: he keeps popping up and my lack of self control just gets the better of me. 10 hours ago, Happiesttogether said: His son used to pitch up at my house wanting to spend time or having issues to talk about. This is a four year old, I couldn’t say no. this happened in various manners, So the 3 quotes above I'm very curious you say in the first quote that you told your husband that you have cut all ties with this man. However in the first post on this thread you say the 2nd quote and then in your last post you give the 3rd quote. So it looks like you told your husband you had cut all contact with the other guy which it is evident in your post that's not true. I would guess if he showed up this weekend you would have sex with him. You are clearly not telling your husband the whole truth and a lot of non truth's. One last question. 10 hours ago, Happiesttogether said: My husband went on to tell me he had met someone who he enjoyed spending time with In this statement you make is only spending time with them like a movie or dinner or something with them and your son, or is he having all out sex with her and having her spend the night or going and spending the night with her as you are with your men? Finally, I am sorry I have followed the whole Covid worldwide pretty closely and even goggled to see how many countries had ban travel to other countries for the entire past 18 months and it said not countries had done so most had ban travel for at least a year or more but not country according to goggle had ban all travel for the entire 18 months. Best of luck! I am sorry but after reading your post in both threads I feel sorry for your husband. You started every bit of this not him and you have with held information, told him half-truths, and out and out lied to him over these past 5+ months. You came up with the idea of setting up tinder accounts just for company and you know that even through that's what you told him you planned to use yours to have sex with men the entire time. I am pretty sure you not told him even half of the things you have done and also are using this covid and travel restrictions to not come see your child and husband because you enjoy living the single life and having sex whenever you want. Also, you keep seeing this guy you are complaining about plus he has a son just like yours so you have that as well without the marriage and continuous living together. I guess it is no wonder you won't go see your husband and family or work something out for them to come see you and cramp your style. I really feel for your husband but especially your son. At least your husband is an adult and could do something about it like divorce, but you your poor little boy its hard telling what is going through his little mind as to why his mommy don't want to come see him or have him come and see her. Edited September 23, 2021 by HappilyMarried Link to post Share on other sites
Daisydooks Posted September 23, 2021 Share Posted September 23, 2021 On 9/19/2021 at 5:48 PM, Happiesttogether said: I have been seeing this guy on the side for a few months. Made it clear as day that I won’t leave my husband for him, to which he acknowledged and agreed. Now he is convinced that we will have a future and he sees me in it, with his Son. Who has become extremely attached to me after countless times of saying and asking to not brings kids into this. As my kid has not and will not be introduced to him. Iv called it off countless times blocked ignored ect. He pitches up at my gate and doesn’t leave. Follows me to work till I take him back or talk to him. He is convinced we will be something, I have no intention of being with him past the completion of my contract, when I can return to my husband in another country. I created this mess now I’m living the consequences. Where to from here? Yes it sounds dumb and and obvious fix but he keeps popping up and my lack of self control just gets the better of me. Restraining orders exist for a number of reasons. This is one of them Link to post Share on other sites
Bryanp Posted September 23, 2021 Share Posted September 23, 2021 Actually it depends on the various countries they are living in. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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