I am heartbroken, I don't know how to get out of this sadness

[LJ07]

Thank you for reading this thread, sorry it is a bit long.

I was with the love of my life. We stayed together for 7 years and I even raised her son who was almost 2 years old when I met him. He became my own son (he didn't have a dad). I loved him the same. The first few years were beautiful, we were inlove, her son was so cute and he loved me too. But then I admit that I became very busy and stressed with work the last 2 years of our relationship (which I deeply regret now) and it started to annoy her. I was less present, less patient too with her son who had become a bit difficult growing older. The big problem is that she didn't communicate with me, only with her diary... When I found out about her diary (by mistake I swear I didn't know it was her diary nor she had one), she had written horrible things about me in it, she was saying she couldn't stand me anymore. It broke my heart to read all those negative thoughts she had of me because I had no idea. I cried but then I couldn't confront her about it so I put this in the back of my mind. I didn't read her diary again because it was private, but I was always fearing she was writing more hurtfull things about me. I improved the things she was complaining about in her diary but then with time she would be annoyed with me for silly things. Everytime she was annoyed she would go to the bedroom and would write in her diary instead of talking to me and telling me how she really felt. She just told me a couple of times that she was fed up but she never sat me down and had a serious talk to tell me she was going to leave me if I continued being busy/ stressed with work or whatever other things she couldn't stand. If she did, it would have changed me definitely and I would have changed for sure, I deeply loved her and her son, I didn't want to lose them. But I was too blind to notice how serious it got and I couldn't read in her mind either. She became distant and cold with me, being angry at everything I did or say. When I dared ask her once why she was cold she replied I wasn't "the center of the universe" and that she was upset about something that happenned at work. So I let it go but I was suffering too of this situation and miscommunication from her part. She dumped me one morning during breakfast out of the blue. I was heartbroken. I packed my stuff and left. I had lost everything: my home, the love of my life, my partner, my best friend and her son. I tried to apologize and asked her twice to give us another chance, that I would change now that I knew what was wrong and how serious it was, but she didn't want to give me another chance, it was too late for her... She said she wanted to be alone for a long time. I moved back to my country 6 months later to move on but we kept contact for her son, which didn't help me move on because they were both in my mind and my heart eventhough they were far away. Now a year later, after communicating once every week, she told me she was with someone else... for 10 months. It broke my heart a second time. I am so sad to know she has replaced me and that she loves someone else. But also that she hid it for 10 months, even her son had met this guy... I feel like a fool. What am I to her son now? What's my role? She wants me in his life and I don't want to abandon him but it is difficult to be friends with her knowing she has someone else...I am tired of being sad and nostalgic. I am deeply heartbroken and I have been crying for the past 3 weeks. I don't know how to get out of this sadness... Hopefully I will stop being depressed...

[d0nnivain]

I'm so sorry but I think this is fully over.  It's a shame your EX didn't talk to you.  It's good that she wrote in her diary but once she got her thoughts out she should have shared them.  

You have moved so you don't have visual triggers.   It's time to commit to rebuilding a life for yourself where you are now.  

Unfortunately you are nothing to her son & have no rights regarding him.  If anything you staying connected to him will confuse him even more.  Maybe you can write him a goodbye letter.  You will have to send it to her & I suggest you offer to let her read it before she gives it too him.  

[TeddyBundy1993]

Looks like your relationship ran its course and its done for good. It's good that you are far away from her son and her. At the end of the day he isn't your son. And you must let go and think about yourself anyway. She and her son have another man to take care of them anyway, and you mentioned he was a bit difficult to deal with as he's growing up.  you should stay busy with your work like you were before and you'll get over her soon. Breaking up and moving on has become so common these days like it's a very regular part of life. Heartbreak will be there for a while but it goes away slowly as you move on with your life. Quit communicating with them  its preventing you from living your life and keeping you stuck in past where your place has already been replaced. If you keep in touch with them it will be futile and eventually you'll feel replaced and not needed anymore again when they both will competely forget you. Practically let's be friends or let's stay friends because of child never works in long run and is like another loss when dumpee realize dumper doesn't need our friendship even. It's life man it get harsh at times but it's not harsh forever.   Focus on work on yourself your future. She and her kid are past now. 

Good luck