Lily blue Posted September 21, 2021 Share Posted September 21, 2021 I have not been on here for few years but check here often….. my question is, I am with my fiancé for 7 years now and he has very stressful high profile job..top executive job…second in command of the company VP… anyway, we moved from another state to this current job …been here 5 years. after he started this new job , after 6 months, he got very friendly with CEO of the company who is a married women and year older than him. they work very closely together obviously because of their position…than they started texting about work here and there but later leads to flirting and texting became heavily throughout the day every day in to nights and weekends…going on for 2 years ….I did confront him and he just say nothing going on ..but they are friends….but friends don’t flirt in texting and everyday….and she slowly change her appearance after he got hired..like she start working out, had botox, fillers, boob job, eye lift and so much more to look younger and better….sort of thing…my guy is also body builder so he is very fit and energetic and looks mush younger than his age and I do too…I am very fit and very young looking and I have not done any work done on my appearance…I treat him really good. he never slow down affection toward me nor change his behavior nor his appearance either in those times and always home on time but texting continue even after he say he stop….one time I asked him about why….he say, at first he was infatuated because he never had women BOSS before and she was very friendly….but as time go on, he saw real her and she was just lonely married women with lotof personal problems and he want nothing to do with and she us just a Boss nothing more…. I know they didn’t slept together but I can see that they had feelings developed or something….he defends her and stuff… finally, I confronted her and told her if it continues, I will tell her husband and to the Board….( I know few Board ladies I am close with ) she was in shock and can hardly speak but she say nothing going on and will never be…she say yes, they enjoy working together and not only they are great team at work but she say, he is good friend she can talk to and rely on him….and she apologized to me for texting and say she will stop ….. after that, texting stop and only work related here and there… he do not carry his phone everywhere when he is at home, he leaves his phone in the kitchen ….I did look his phone before he didn’t had password on his phone and I had feelings something is off…and saw some texting…..she say, she miss him and thinking about him….and stuff ..but than first confront, he put password on his phone so, I did check phone log online at&t site and it will show in and out texting and phone numbers….. Anyway, that was now few years back but it still bothers me because they still work together. he say he insure me they do not text and she has changed after I confronted her and he has absolutely no feelings for her and he loves me… I know he loves me and he is more affectionate and more loving and we haven’t argue or fight almost 2 years and things are all good but can’t shake it off because they still working together…..he say he will retire next year…he had plan to retire next year ..or just quit very soon..things getting bad because of Pandemic and so stressful at work …he works at a Hospital…..I have not mentioned to him it still bothers me all this time…. i know I need to get over and look for future but not easy….unless he retire or we move… my ex husband cheated on me with much younger co worker and all started with texting so this is why….I hate texting too… just thought anyone who had gone through this….they say texting is new affairs without physically involved……. Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted September 21, 2021 Share Posted September 21, 2021 Well if this happened 2 years ago and she stopped after you confronted her I'm having a hard time understanding why you are still upset. Maybe get some independent counseling to help you with your jealousy issues. I do understand how being cheated on in your past can cause insecurity but if you're still anxious over this 2 years later therapy will help. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
ItsTheDay Posted September 21, 2021 Share Posted September 21, 2021 I can relate and understand how she feels. It is true, texting is the new affair. It's the new way to flirt and make a move, you don't have to feel cheesy saying something you normally wouldn't say in someone's face. You just text them what you want to say and they'll read how they want it. I believe she feels betrayed, and that's a tough feeling to cope with. Especially when it's caused by the one you love, being a fiancé doesn't make it any better either. He should of respected not only the relationship but, also should of respected her and been able to not put himself in this situation. Yes, it was two years ago but betrayal cuts deep. I believe couples therapy could help, it's a way to put everything down on the table. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Lily blue Posted September 21, 2021 Author Share Posted September 21, 2021 (edited) Thank you….I know I need to stop. the thing still bothers me because not only they work together but he lied to me for 2 years saying they stop texting like that…but continue for little over 2 years….constantly when they are at work ….after I confronted her…it stop yes but at the same time, he changed pass words on at&t and all the phones so I don’t know anything after that…about 2 years….no way of knowing but I try so hard to trust him….it bothers me fact that he changed password on at&t too…..he knows all my passwords too and I have not changed…we used yo be open and nothing hiding till that happen…. plus she try to avoid me and canceled any get together parties include Christmas party ever since and only for employees no spouse… I don’t want to go but I asked him and he say, she is CEO and she do whatever she wants but she also embarrassed and fear to see me….if I say few words to sudden people, it will ruin her image and reputation…… anyway, when two people develop feelings or flirt like that for over 2 years suddenly stop all and back to nothing ever has happened and can work together everyday? They really shared everything through text…even what they had for dinner and saying good night text and more of her part….saying sexy stuff…he wasn’t really in to romantic or sexual flirt…she did….I know when we are dating and texting, he wasn’t like that either but very friendly and funny, carrying and stuff…..anyway, i hope it’s really over….just needed some friendly advice from who been through….. ps: she lives across from us too but she never comes out….I never see her outside…so it’s even awkward and reminder of it…..all the executives and board members and other CEO’s live here in our neighborhood. thank you Edited September 21, 2021 by Lily blue Link to post Share on other sites
NorthernGuard Posted September 21, 2021 Share Posted September 21, 2021 6 hours ago, Lily blue said: I have not been on here for few years but check here often….. my question is, I am with my fiancé for 7 years now and he has very stressful high profile job..top executive job…second in command of the company VP… anyway, we moved from another state to this current job …been here 5 years. after he started this new job , after 6 months, he got very friendly with CEO of the company who is a married women and year older than him. they work very closely together obviously because of their position…than they started texting about work here and there but later leads to flirting and texting became heavily throughout the day every day in to nights and weekends…going on for 2 years ….I did confront him and he just say nothing going on ..but they are friends….but friends don’t flirt in texting and everyday….and she slowly change her appearance after he got hired..like she start working out, had botox, fillers, boob job, eye lift and so much more to look younger and better….sort of thing…my guy is also body builder so he is very fit and energetic and looks mush younger than his age and I do too…I am very fit and very young looking and I have not done any work done on my appearance…I treat him really good. he never slow down affection toward me nor change his behavior nor his appearance either in those times and always home on time but texting continue even after he say he stop….one time I asked him about why….he say, at first he was infatuated because he never had women BOSS before and she was very friendly….but as time go on, he saw real her and she was just lonely married women with lotof personal problems and he want nothing to do with and she us just a Boss nothing more…. I know they didn’t slept together but I can see that they had feelings developed or something….he defends her and stuff… finally, I confronted her and told her if it continues, I will tell her husband and to the Board….( I know few Board ladies I am close with ) she was in shock and can hardly speak but she say nothing going on and will never be…she say yes, they enjoy working together and not only they are great team at work but she say, he is good friend she can talk to and rely on him….and she apologized to me for texting and say she will stop ….. after that, texting stop and only work related here and there… he do not carry his phone everywhere when he is at home, he leaves his phone in the kitchen ….I did look his phone before he didn’t had password on his phone and I had feelings something is off…and saw some texting…..she say, she miss him and thinking about him….and stuff ..but than first confront, he put password on his phone so, I did check phone log online at&t site and it will show in and out texting and phone numbers….. Anyway, that was now few years back but it still bothers me because they still work together. he say he insure me they do not text and she has changed after I confronted her and he has absolutely no feelings for her and he loves me… I know he loves me and he is more affectionate and more loving and we haven’t argue or fight almost 2 years and things are all good but can’t shake it off because they still working together…..he say he will retire next year…he had plan to retire next year ..or just quit very soon..things getting bad because of Pandemic and so stressful at work …he works at a Hospital…..I have not mentioned to him it still bothers me all this time…. i know I need to get over and look for future but not easy….unless he retire or we move… my ex husband cheated on me with much younger co worker and all started with texting so this is why….I hate texting too… just thought anyone who had gone through this….they say texting is new affairs without physically involved……. Look, make no mistake your fiance cheated on you with this woman. Whether it was only emotionally cheating (I absolutely believe based on what you've written there was way more going on, still is, and it was physical) your gut and intuition is screaming at you that it's still happening between these two. You're not crazy and aren't wrong in feeling this way and shouldn't for one minute think you "need to get over it"! Why would you believe it wasn't physical? Because your lying, gaslighting, cheating fiance and his lying, gaslighting, cheating OW (Other Woman) both told you so? Please..Grown adults in an affair for two years with all the time and opportunity these two have had together aren't just getting together to share their feeling, they're having sex and likely having plenty of it. Your fiance has lied to you over and again about having inapropriate contact with her and admitted to you he was infatuated with her. He defends her and their continued "relationship" to you, and has been gaslighting you from the start! He still is, and you seem to very much want to fall for it. Don't!!! It took you confronting her and telling her you'd inform her husband and the board she was in an inappropriate relationship with your fiance for him to agree to stop. He didn't stop for you and for your benefit and to protect you, he "told you" that he stopped, but he did that for her and for her benefit and to protect her. They're both lying to you and have taken the affair further underground. Sorry, but they've been lying to you all along and playing you for a fool. This affair never ended. You say he never had password protection on his phone before you confronted him and now he does. Come on, you have to realize why he did that don't you? If you're not seeing anything on the phone bill now it's probably because they know how suspicious you still are being that they continue to work together every day, and are worried about you finding out that it didn't end, so they've moved to using burner phones to try and minimize the chance of you blowing it all up at work and with her husband. They're protecting themselves and their affair. Your fiance has been working closely with and seeing his affair partner every day since you confronted them! Ending the affair means never seeing each other again and going no contact in any way, shape or form with your AP (affair partner) He should have left that job immediately and ended any and all contact with his her, no question! He didn't, and hasn't ended things between them. That's not possible when he still sees her at work every day, period. He's choosing his affair and affair partner over you and his relationship with you, and your safety, security and peace of mind. He's broken any and all trust you had in him and needs to earn it back as it's no longer a given. You need to put your foot down and stand up for yourself and enact boundaries (NO CONTACT WITH HER WHATSOEVER) and lay out the consequences (THE END OF YOUR ENGAGEMENT AND RELATIONSHIP) of him breaking them. You should also expose her to her husband and give him the proof you have of their affair. She could care less about you and your feelings and relationship with your fiance, but she'll probably care a great deal about her husband's feelings about her affair and her relationship and marriage to him, not to mention how the board will feel if her husband decides to blow things up on his end. Affairs thrive in secrecy and darkness. You need to bring it out into the open and shine a big, bright light on it! Link to post Share on other sites
NorthernGuard Posted September 21, 2021 Share Posted September 21, 2021 Please check out the link below to fully see what he needs to do and to know about what his affair has done to you, Lily blue.. ---------------- Make certain you’ve killed the beast: Your affair must be over, in all respects, completely and forever. You cannot put your marriage in jeopardy ever again. Your spouse has given you a second chance that you probably don’t deserve. That may sound harsh, but think about it this way: Despite any marital problems the two of you experienced, you would certainly understand if they divorced you solely because of your adultery. So assume there will not be a third chance and behave accordingly. This opportunity you have been bestowed is a monumental gift, particularly considering the anguish you caused them. Treat this gift, and your spouse, with care and due respect: No contact means NO CONTACT OF ANY KIND – EVER. HIDE NOTHING, OPEN EVERYTHING: While they’re greatly angered and hurt that you were emotionally and/or sexually involved with another person, they are even more devastated by your secret life, your lies and deception. They feel no trust in you right now – and they’re 100% justified. If ever there was someone in the world they felt they could trust, it was you – until now. Now, they have difficulty believing anything you say. They are driven to check up on everything. Let them. Better still, help them. Overload them with access. The era of “covering your tracks” must end and be supplanted by total and voluntary transparency. You must dismantle and remove every vestige of secrecy. Offer your spouse the passwords to your email accounts – yes, even the secret one they still don’t know about. Let them bring in the mail. If you receive a letter, card or email from your paramour, let your spouse open it. If you receive a voice or text message on your cell phone, let them retrieve it and delete it. If your friends provided alibis for you, end those friendships. Do not change your phone bill to a less detailed version or delete your browser history. Provide your spouse with your credit card bills, bank account statements, cell phone bills and anything else you think they might wish to check. Immediately tell them if you hear from or accidentally run into your affair partner. Tell them where you are going, when you’ll be home, and be on time. If your plans change, notify them immediately. The more willing you are to be transparent, the more honesty and openness they see and feel, the more “trust chits” you’ll earn. Replacing your previously secret life with complete openness is the fastest and most effective way to promote trust, even if it feels unfair or uncomfortable. Think of this as the “reverse image” of your affair: Your affair was about you selfishly making yourself feel good. Now, rebuilding trust is about selflessly making your partner feel safe with you – and you were certainly unfair to them. Keep in mind that eventually they will trust you again, but you must earn it and it will take time. ---------------- 1 Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted September 21, 2021 Share Posted September 21, 2021 2 hours ago, Lily blue said: he changed pass words on at&t and all the phones so I don’t know anything after that…about 2 years….no way of knowing but I try so hard to trust him….it bothers me fact that he changed password on at&t too…..he knows all my passwords too and I have not changed…we used yo be open and nothing hiding till that happen…. Why haven't you asked him for his new passwords if he has yours? Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted September 22, 2021 Share Posted September 22, 2021 It seems like anything from inappropriate flirting to an emotional affair to a physical affair. How much love, trust, affection is in your relationship overall? Change all your passwords on all your accounts and devices. It silly to share them unless it's a household account. Are you planning to marry? What are your goals with him? Do you work? Are you happy living in this area? Basically it sounds like he's always been a workaholic and has fitness hobbies. The problem is not this CEO, it's your poor relationship and dissatisfaction with that. Link to post Share on other sites
NorthernGuard Posted September 27, 2021 Share Posted September 27, 2021 Hey, Lily blue. Just checking in to see how you are doing? Link to post Share on other sites
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