Playing 2nd Fiddle to Ex Girlfriend

[stillafool]

20 minutes ago, Retired2021 said:

Nope. Grandchild had no involvement. This was drafted up by the daughters. We went out for breakfast and coffee in the morning for two hours. 

How would you know since the daughters don't talk to you.

[Retired2021]

3 hours ago, stillafool said:

How would you know since the daughters don't talk to you.

I asked my bf. Plus the child is only a year old. 

[Lotsgoingon]

This is a terrible family to think about marrying into.

Don't marry this guy. He prioritizes the daughters when they do cruel stuff to you. The law has been involved. And your bf uses the horrible sexist language: you're getting "emotional." As if we men don't get emotional, jealous, enraged, sad to the point of health problems and drinking and so on. OMG--get away from this guy. That line is a total insult to you. 

Get away from this guy--and the nasty daughters he blindly defends. He ain't got your back and he's not trying to broker a peace. He's just copping out and blaming you. Your bf is wimpy and blind. Blind is a polite word for thoughtlessness, which is a polite word for lack of clear thinking and narrow thinking, and those phrases are polite ways of saying your bf's thinking is borderline stupid. And again I'm being polite with the "borderline."

You have a high tolerance for pain and neglect apparently. 

 

 

Edited September 23, 2021 by Lotsgoingon

[stillafool]

10 hours ago, Retired2021 said:

I asked my bf. Plus the child is only a year old. 

What?  Who takes a 1 year old to an amusement part?  Weird.  Why would you go back with this bf after all the drama and having to get the authorities involved?  He doesn't value you and you should not even think of marrying him.  It won't last.

[Crazelnut]

Given everything you've told us, you need to break up with him. The relationship and everything around it is toxic. You never should've reconciled. Run, girl!

[stillafool]

I hope you know not to marry this guy by now.

[Wiseman2]

18 hours ago, Retired2021 said:

When he was showing up at my house and leaving letters and doing driveby's multiple times a day...even at 3 in the morning. I had to file a restraining order  he took it public and yes he did slam my character in public and to his friends and family 

It's unclear why you are interested in dating an abusive stalker who libels you on social media. The amusement park drama is nonsense compared to the real issues.

It's  odd that you wish to reunite with this abuser and his family of  flying moneys.

[introverted1]

Good grief.

You broke up, you got a restraining order against him, and then he told his family and friends negative things about you. 

Of course his kids aren't going to feel good about you after all that!  This is what I was saying earlier: once you poison the well by talking poorly of your partner/ex, no one else is going to want to drink the water. So even though you and he made up (apparently), there is no making up with his family, at least not in the short term. They may (rightly) think the relationship is unhealthy and, frankly, this is how it reads. 

[Calmandfocused]

You’ve got some amazing advice and explanations here. 
 

However what I still can’t grasp is the motivation for inviting the ex? Why? It’s not like the daughters remained close to her. The ex has a new partner, it was years ago … why? 
 

I get why you was excluded. However I cannot fathom for the life of me why she was included? 
 

Have you asked your boyfriend this question? Seems very odd to me. 

[Starswillshine]

On 9/22/2021 at 2:33 PM, Retired2021 said:

But honestly I'm just starting to feel that it was all pre-mediated that he was the one that invited her.

This is my guess, and he is using his kids as a cover for it. 

Sounds like my dumb ex... who has a live in girlfriend but "his ex-girlfriend is the absolute best friend he has and is the most important person in his life. "

[ExpatInItaly]

On 9/23/2021 at 8:32 PM, Calmandfocused said:

However I cannot fathom for the life of me why she was included? 

I would imagine because he likely invited her himself. And lied and said his kids did. I know OP doesn't want to think there's anything going on between him and his ex, but it does not read that way at all. 

Whatever the case, @Retired2021, get out of this dumpster fire of a relationship. This man isn't boyfriend material, let alone husband material. Return the ring and spend some time reflecting on why you went back to this, and how you can make better choices for yourself in the future. 

[Nothanks]

I’m less concerned about the daughters’ actions and more concerned about his.  Clearly his girls don’t like you. He is saying they do to avoid conflict.  But how could HE not see it was inappropriate for them to invite the ex?  Again, I’m sure he sees it but doesn’t want conflict so he makes you think you are being unreasonable and should get over it.  I’d put the brakes on marriage.  I’d ask him how he would feel if you went out with your ex on your birthday.  Just state as a fact that it was disrespectful and unacceptable to you.  If he wants a relationship with you, you are just asking for consideration and respect.  He can’t be that clueless that he thought excluding you and including the ex would be OK.  He should have told the girls he would see them another time when he realized what they did.  I think at this point, you can’t do much about the girls relationship with you.  You should, however, tell him your requirements to stay in this relationship.  This isn’t about the girls.  It is about him identifying and addressing issues that are hurtful to you and disrespectful of your relationship.  This isn’t about asking him to choose sides either. Of course you should encourage him to have a relationship with his daughters but…if they cross the line and interfere with your relationship, he needs to establish boundaries with them.  Sounds like your boyfriend is conflict avoidant though.  If so, I doubt he will ever tell his girls when they have crossed the line (and they absolutely did!)