I don't know if this is a sign of past infidelity! Husband has contacts saved in Instagram of names with 'tinder' after and addresses with phone numbers.

[Tabitha99]

Sorry if that title is confusing. This is my first post, and I appreciate the help! Below is a backstory to give a little more conext into why what I found made me uncomfortable. I'd be curious to know what anyone thinks about the contacts in his Instagram, especially since I don't know how Instagram even works in that way.

My husband has a history of doing things that are sketchy to say the least. We've been together for 5 years, and in the beginning of our relationship I saw that he had a folder of videos and pictures of him with past relationships doing sexual things together. He kept this folder to look at while masturbating, and when I found it he told me he only used it because he had bad wifi at his old place. When we moved in together a year later, I saw in his "recently viewed" folder on his computer that he was still using those pictures and videos to masturbate to, and when I confronted him asking him if he deleted them he said "of course i did baby! I know how much they hurt you so I got rid of them." which was a lie, since I had just seen that he was watching them the day before. Anyways, we got over that a years ago, and ended up getting married.

5 months after we got married he told me, after being weird for a week or so, that the woman we buy weed from (sorry lol) pulled his pants down and started to give him oral sex. He said he then pushed her off and left and then told me. I still don't even know how to think about this whole thing. To make things more clear, the woman was always weird and I made it clear to him that she was weird and I felt uncomfortable by some of the interactions he had with her, but he told me she was just really nice and blah blah blah. So I already had warned him about this person. He said she made it seem like the weed was in her room, followed her to her room, and then she pulled his pants down and started to give him oral sex, but he ppushed her off. This is his story. It also changed a few times, from it bieng a time that I was in the car waiting, to it being a different time. Either way, he followed her to her room where she started giving him oral sex 9or more happened and I am just an idiot. I just don't know why he'd tell me in the first place. ANYWAYS this is what I have been through with him. I forgave him for that, but made him move back to where I am from and away from the city we were living in because I had been wanting to leave for years anyways.

Now I am healing from all of that, and still trying to figure out if he told me the WHOLE truth. He claimed it was like 10 seconds, and then he pusehd her off and told me a week later because he felt so bad about it. I guess I wish I knew if that is really why he told me. I have no way of contacting her because I don't have her number or know her name and he says he doesn't know her name and that he also deleted her number (he had her in his phone as weed girl or something).

Okay, so this is the more recent thing that made me really unseasy. It wouldn't have in any other circumstance, but this did because of his past of doing some sketchy things. There are more, but it's not worth saying... I went on his Instagram: he let me look for a post on his Instagram and I went to look through whatever I could because I was feeling insecure. I went to "Contacts" and saw that he had about 100 contacts uploaded, or synced (I don't know how it works in Instagram when you upload phone contacts to your instagram, but he has phone contacts saved into his Instagram with their name as it is in his phone and with their numbers). He had about 4 names with "tind" afterwards, like "Abby tind", "Jennifer tind", "Becky tind", etc. and he also had about 5 contacts that were savved as just addresses (but not complete addresses) like, 434 Suncrest (with a phone number), and 223 Westbrook. And other names of girls with phone numbers saved. All of these numbers are from the city we lived in, and the Instagram was made after we were livivng together. I guess my questions are these: Why would he have those numbers in his phone after we were together? What could those random addresses be? And it wasn't all of his contacts upoaded into Instagram either, it was a selection of people... Did he manually try to save those numbers into his instagram or is there a way it just uploads random numbers? I feel dumb, this might be nothing, and this might be very obviously something.

 

I did ask him about it, but I didn't tell him I saw in his Instagram because I wanted to make sure he doesn't just delete all traces of what I saw. I asked him who those names and addresses were and he was like "Where did you see those?" I didn't tell him and he said "Well if you saw those in my phone, it's because I was on tinder before I met you so I had those names saved from then. And the addresses are probably from when I used to deliver Uber Eats food." I met him on tinder, but he said I was the only tinder date he ever went on... I also don't know if saving addresses and numbers into your phone is normal Uber Eats delivery driver behaviour, since I've neveer done that, but I feel like you can do all communication through the app? UGH I am so confused. I am here constantly wondering if I am living a lie. We live in the country now, he went to trade school and works really hard for me and my daughter now, he doesn't do anything sketchy like hide his phone or not let me use it or lock his computer. It's all out in the open. I am just more afraid that he did some shady stuff in the earlier part of our relationship, and I fear that him having contacts uploaded into his Instagram that he made years into our relationsip with a ton of girls names from our city might be proof that he did do more than what I know.

 

I just want some outside perspective. Sorry for the rambling message. And to whomever gets through all of that and attempts to help, God bless you!

[Wiseman2]

23 minutes ago, Tabitha99 said:

 that the woman we buy weed from (sorry lol) pulled his pants down and started to give him oral sex. He said he then pushed her off and left and then told me.. I forgave him for that

he had about 100 contacts uploaded, or synced 

Sorry this is happening. he's living a double life and lying incessantly.

The first stop is to the doctor for STD testing. Be frank/honest with your doctor that your husband may be a sex addict/prowling around, etc.

The next call is to an attorney to review your options in divorce. If you don't have kids or co-own too much, it could be quick and easy to get rid of him.

Stop condoning his antics (forgiving=condoning). Decide if you want a stoned, lying, cheater or a decent life partner. It's all up to you.

[glows]

It sounds fishy, all of it. I'm sorry to say that. A friend's ex-husband is an UberEats driver to make a little extra and as far as I know everything is on the app. Your husband sounds evasive and not truthful. I don't think his behaviours can be changed or will ever change. This is who he is so you will have to make a decision that affects your life going forward - stay with someone you no longer trust and keep questioning or be free to live your life unfettered? 

I agree on speaking with a lawyer as soon as possible and accept that you can't change him.

[d0nnivain]

You married a bad guy.   If he never shaped up during the 5 years you were dating why do you expect he will fundamentally change simply because you got married.  he was never monogamous & still isn't.