Ex contacts me and then disappears

[hannabolics95]

I don't exactly get affected by it so much anymore, as I just see that I still have a hold of him. However, we broke up almost a year ago. Was a hard break-up, we admitted that we still like each other and that we miss each other all the time, and we both have mentioned to each other that if we ever did talk about our relationship again - it's once we've moved on from the hurt, so I don't think it's a 100% final break up where you never want anything to do with them again. I think because I still to this day felt like we broke up over very odd things and he thought the grass was going to be greener. Sometimes the texts will stop and he'll find a way to contact me weeks or even months later and it's always about how he's sorry about how things ended and just our relationship in general. He'll never directly ask me how things are unless we speak on the phone. But his texts will be wrapped in 'I hope you are truly happy and things are good'

Or for example, recently I replied to one of his messages saying that I miss our intimacy and laughs. He hasn't responded but it's almost for certain he'll try to find a way to respond back to that. Because I know at this moment, he tries to play it cool or even just compartmentalize it. 

Any input?

[Wiseman2]

3 minutes ago, hannabolics95 said:

I just see that I still have a hold of him.

Unfortunately as long as you put yourself on hold for wish/hoping for him to come back, you'll feel like you're in limbo.

Is this the same man?:

 

[hannabolics95]

11 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said:

Unfortunately as long as you put yourself on hold for wish/hoping for him to come back, you'll feel like you're in limbo.

Is this the same man?:

 

No. 

[d0nnivain]

As long as you engage with him you will remain connected.  Just stop talking to him.  When he messages you delete without replying.  You have a role in keeping this alive. 

You can be 100% broken up without salting the earth & hating the other person.  

[hannabolics95]

Ex and I have been in contact ever since we broke up, which was almost a year ago. The longest time we didn't speak for was almost 3 months, and then I finally reached out to him. We still like each other, miss each other all the time and care about each other too. We said somewhat recently that if we ever did reconsider our relationship again, it is once we have moved on from the hurt. Ex reached out to me a week ago apologising, this is not the only time he has apologised for his wrongdoing. I sort of mentioned that I have been seeing someone. At the end of the text, I told him that I miss certain things (intimacy etc) with him but understood for breaking up (I do not, but I have to). He didn't respond to that. I'm very certain that in weeks or months to come, he'll reach out with something in regards to that, that is sort of igniting it. Reasons for why they reach out and then disappear? 

[d0nnivain]

You keep posting about this.  You have at least 3 if not 4 threads.  

Anyway the answer is the same.  This nonsense about this not being a final break up is wrong.  You broke up.  That needs to be final.  Not being toxic or being able to be civil is not a reason to get back together.  He apologized for his role in the break up to be nice & get it off his chest.  He disappeared because he doesn't want to get back together with you.  

Let him go for real.  Because you continue to claim that you don't understand the break up, let me explain it to you. He broke up with you because he has no continued interest in dating you.  He apologized because he's a fundamentally nice person but that doesn't mean he wants to date you again.  

[Wiseman2]

He's a medical student/resident? 

Do you work or go to school? Do you have your own place or live with parents?

Have you seen a doctor about this obsession with him?

[hannabolics95]

54 minutes ago, d0nnivain said:

You keep posting about this.  You have at least 3 if not 4 threads.  

Anyway the answer is the same.  This nonsense about this not being a final break up is wrong.  You broke up.  That needs to be final.  Not being toxic or being able to be civil is not a reason to get back together.  He apologized for his role in the break up to be nice & get it off his chest.  He disappeared because he doesn't want to get back together with you.  

Let him go for real.  Because you continue to claim that you don't understand the break up, let me explain it to you. He broke up with you because he has no continued interest in dating you.  He apologized because he's a fundamentally nice person but that doesn't mean he wants to date you again.  

I think I may have not mentioned that I sent him a long message to which he then responded to and apologised about things, which has not been the first time I've done this. I think it's inaccurate to say that he reached out to *just* apologise, which is incorrect but that might be because I failed to add this in the info. However, I do truly believe that if someone wants to get back together that they will express that - so I do agree with you. 

[ItsTheDay]

4 hours ago, hannabolics95 said:

Ex and I have been in contact ever since we broke up, which was almost a year ago. The longest time we didn't speak for was almost 3 months, and then I finally reached out to him. We still like each other, miss each other all the time and care about each other too. We said somewhat recently that if we ever did reconsider our relationship again, it is once we have moved on from the hurt. Ex reached out to me a week ago apologising, this is not the only time he has apologised for his wrongdoing. I sort of mentioned that I have been seeing someone. At the end of the text, I told him that I miss certain things (intimacy etc) with him but understood for breaking up (I do not, but I have to). He didn't respond to that. I'm very certain that in weeks or months to come, he'll reach out with something in regards to that, that is sort of igniting it. Reasons for why they reach out and then disappear? 

That's your answer. 

Edited September 24, 2021 by ItsTheDay

[stillafool]

4 hours ago, hannabolics95 said:

Reasons for why they reach out and then disappear? 

They reach out either to respond to something you sent or just to say hi.  They then disappear because they don't want to get back together they just wanted to see how you are.  Sort of the way you'd do with an old friend.

[d0nnivain]

So you keep reaching out is why you are still tied to him.  You are doing this to yourself.  He doesn't want to get back together but he is a decent human being so he replies when you reach out.   Stop being a pain in his tail.  Move on.  There is nothing there for you anymore with him.  

[Wiseman2]

6 hours ago, hannabolics95 said:

I sent him a long message to which he then responded to and apologised about things, which has not been the first time I've done this. 

What exactly do you keep wanting him to apologize for?

[stillafool]

10 hours ago, hannabolics95 said:

However, I do truly believe that if someone wants to get back together that they will express that - so I do agree with you. 

You shouldn't reach out or try to contact him again until he does the above.  Just move on now.

[chillii]

You keep contacting him , then you tell him your seeing someone else , then you wonder why if he wanted too , he isn't telling you he wants to get back together or disappears again. Ummm.

[ExpatInItaly]

On 9/16/2021 at 5:22 PM, hannabolics95 said:

I just see that I still have a hold of him.

It's the other way around.