Sam4 Posted September 24, 2021 Share Posted September 24, 2021 (edited) I have become so scared of loving. Things change for me the day she broke from me. It took me like a year to recover. Psychological it is still affect me. It make me look into every relationship like just a short time stuff. Edited September 24, 2021 by a LoveShack.org Moderator formatting Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted September 25, 2021 Share Posted September 25, 2021 Have you deleted and blocked her from all your social media and messaging apps? If you are ruminating this much make sure you get some support for your mental health. When you feel better, you'll be able to date again. Don't use people to get over a breakup. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
salparadise Posted September 25, 2021 Share Posted September 25, 2021 (edited) 11 hours ago, Sam4 said: Psychological it is still affect me. It make me look into every relationship like just a short time stuff. I can relate. As much as we try not to allow past hurt to affect the way we approach new possibilities, it's impossible to neutralize completely. But you have to try... because what else is there. Generally, men and women are quite different in terms of dedication. When men find a good relationship we want it to work, and we're willing to work on it and make some compromises. We value stability. Women, however, are optimizers. When they have a good relationship, they may begin to wonder if perhaps they couldn't do better. If they convince themselves that they probably could– boom, it's over. Not that they didn't care about you... they just know that men overall are easy to find, and the average good-guy isn't very exciting after awhile. So nothing personal, but time to see what else is out there; a new challenge, more status, shiny and new, or whatever. The trick is don't fall in love with optimizers. Find a satisficer... someone who values stability, is willing to work on it and compromise. The Paradox of Choice Edited September 25, 2021 by salparadise Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted September 25, 2021 Share Posted September 25, 2021 I'm sorry you are hurting @Sam4. You need to complete processing the break up. You presumably have mourned because it's been a year. Now you need to work toward acceptance. Part of that is looking at what was good but also what was bad & why the break up happened. You need to learn from the mistakes. Remember, the next woman you date will not be the last woman you dated. They are different people so just because this relationship ended doesn't mean the next woman will react the same way your EX did. It's time to dip your toe back in the dating pool. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Happy Lemming Posted September 25, 2021 Share Posted September 25, 2021 I'm of a different mindset... The minute I get dumped, I shower up and head out to find the next woman. There is no value in making the dent in my couch bigger. Sitting at home, re-hashing anything that you might have done wrong is useless. The woman didn't want you and dumped you (probably for a guy with a bigger wallet). The reason she gave you was false -- they usually are, so put no value in anything she said leading up to the breakup or after. The quicker you have a new diversion... the better! Unless there are Covid-19 restrictions (where you are), I say get out there... Hit the bars/pubs and get social. Is it Saturday?? (where you are) If so... perfect night to go out and start looking. Plenty of fish in the sea!! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Mrin Posted September 26, 2021 Share Posted September 26, 2021 I think you have a story about "being broken" that you're attached to somehow. I have no doubt that your breakup was traumatic. Breakups often are. But it sounds like you have a story about being broken and you're clinging to it. We only cling to stories that serve us somehow. They have some sort of a payoff for us. So I guess my question to you is, what payoff do you get from your being broken story? Spotting the payoff can be kind of hard so I'll throw out a few ideas: 1. Is it that your relationship with your ex was so great and thus you didn't waste your time by dating her? Because now you're broken? 2. Is it that your ex was so bad / wrong to break up with you? Because now you're broken. 3. Is it justification to not get into relationships or become vulnerable because you're broken? Look for the statement that you tell yourself or tell others right before you say "because I'm broken" and that's typically your payoff. Link to post Share on other sites
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