Author Kyrak Posted September 25, 2021 Author Share Posted September 25, 2021 1 hour ago, Wiseman2 said: Are you exclusive or is it understood that you are BF/GF? Is this the same man?: No its not. This is a new guy I met right after this one and we've been together since June. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted September 25, 2021 Share Posted September 25, 2021 So it sounds like things are good. Why are you so upset about this text? 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Kyrak Posted September 25, 2021 Author Share Posted September 25, 2021 5 minutes ago, d0nnivain said: So it sounds like things are good. Why are you so upset about this text? Because it's the first time i double texted him or left him messages. Usually i text him to make plans or some love you randomly to which he replies most of the time. And when he doesn't we end up talking on the phone and he acknowledges them. I got anxious because few days ago I have been initiating but then he calls back or we meet in person and is all good. The last time we were together he told me that in a relationship I gotta give up some of my freedom and i kind of felt he doesn't but still wants us to be exclusive and not seeing other people. I proposed to make it open so he feels free to date others as i was interpreting his communicative style as lack of interest but sex is amazing so I suggested to have an open and have other needs met by multiple people but to come back to each other. He didn't agree and said that either we'll be together or not at all then again he isn't calling much so I got into this loop of not knowing if i should end it or give another chance. I do love him and have a great time with him but communication is something I enjoy in a relationship than very minimum or for practical reasons only cause I genuinely care about my significant other. Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted September 25, 2021 Share Posted September 25, 2021 Yikes. If he wants exclusivity & you want an open relationship that's a HUGE difference. If he thinks he not enough for you because you want to date others & get your needs met through multiple people he's not going to put in more of an effort. He thinks you have one foot out the door. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Kyrak Posted September 25, 2021 Author Share Posted September 25, 2021 11 minutes ago, d0nnivain said: Yikes. If he wants exclusivity & you want an open relationship that's a HUGE difference. If he thinks he not enough for you because you want to date others & get your needs met through multiple people he's not going to put in more of an effort. He thinks you have one foot out the door. Only because I thought that he did. And yes, I told him that I kind of missed seeing multiple people at the same time ( it's also my first committed relationship) but only because I didn't feel he cared enough or loved me and so wanted to start dating others. To this day he says he does. Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted September 25, 2021 Share Posted September 25, 2021 It's gonna be hard to walk that back. In his shoes, I would have a hard time trusting / believing. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Kyrak Posted September 25, 2021 Author Share Posted September 25, 2021 1 minute ago, d0nnivain said: It's gonna be hard to walk that back. In his shoes, I would have a hard time trusting / believing. We supposedly cleared that out and said we'll be together and he doesn't want us to be sexual only. There was an incident also with me doing something bad at a party but he said it wasn't a big deal and he forgave me. I guess I'm losing his trust. Link to post Share on other sites
BaileyB Posted September 25, 2021 Share Posted September 25, 2021 (edited) 1 hour ago, Kyrak said: He mentioned once that he knows he hasn't showed me enough that he loves me but he doesn't know how to go about it cause it's his first relationship. Usually men in their first sexual relationship are so head over heels and loving the sex that they will do virtually anything to get more… I don’t buy this “I just didn’t know, it’s my first relationship” stuff - If the only communication occurs when you text or call him, he is just not that interested girl… stop trying to build a relationship with a man who is luke warn - happy to see you when you are together but completely uninterested in investing time and energy when you are not. That’s a very one sided relationship and it’s only going to bring you grief. Edited September 25, 2021 by BaileyB 3 Link to post Share on other sites
BaileyB Posted September 25, 2021 Share Posted September 25, 2021 (edited) 1 hour ago, Kyrak said: The last time we were together he told me that in a relationship I gotta give up some of my freedom and i kind of felt he doesn't but still wants us to be exclusive and not seeing other people. I proposed to make it open so he feels free to date others as i was interpreting his communicative style as lack of interest but sex is amazing so I suggested to have an open and have other needs met by multiple people but to come back to each other. He didn't agree and said that either we'll be together or not at all Yowzers! Well now we know why he’s not texting - he asked you to be exclusive and you relied to say that you wanted to date/have sex with other people. Serious relationships don’t work like that. Open relationships only work for a select few for whom the primary relationship is firmly established and built on trust and communication - you have neither of those things, so suggesting an open relationship was not wise. What you suggested was essentially multi dating - and that’s not what he said he wanted. I would suggest that he has decided you are an unsafe relationship partner and he is now backing away… Edited September 25, 2021 by BaileyB 1 Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted September 25, 2021 Share Posted September 25, 2021 7 hours ago, Kyrak said: And I never complained he doesn't reply back. What was the thought behind sending him the first text of needing to talk to him that you accidentally sent? Link to post Share on other sites
Lotsgoingon Posted September 25, 2021 Share Posted September 25, 2021 He doesn't respond to you ... he goes absent ... that ONLY happens when someone is not interested. This text doesn't matter. It's irrelevant. What's relevant is that this guy is not interested in you. Period! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
glows Posted September 25, 2021 Share Posted September 25, 2021 (edited) You seem to have a trend or pattern of suggesting ideas to gauge where the other person is at as a way to feel more secure about where you stand in the relationship. This never works. It's insecurity getting the better of you and also incompatibility that you're not addressing. He's just not right for you but you're forcing it. You are texting him poems and emojis because you feel he's not as communicative as you or doesn't send you cute messages the same way. He responds for practical purposes such as logistics for meetings. When you're looking for more affection and security in the relationship, you do the opposite and suggest that he might want an open relationship. Do you see how frustrating and draining this is for the other person on the receiving end who has to keep maintaining and appeasing you? Perhaps it's time to call a spade a spade. Edited September 25, 2021 by glows 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Kyrak Posted September 25, 2021 Author Share Posted September 25, 2021 38 minutes ago, stillafool said: What was the thought behind sending him the first text of needing to talk to him that you accidentally sent? I intented to send him a text to break up then I regretted it but part of it was sent with a random emoji... Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted September 25, 2021 Share Posted September 25, 2021 You know this is not really working for either of you. It's time to break up but have a bit more class & do it with more compassion then sending him a text. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted September 25, 2021 Share Posted September 25, 2021 So, let me get this straight. You: A) proposed an open relationship B) told him you missed seeing multiple people at once C) did something to lose his trust at a party And you are seriously wondering why he's been pulling away? You shot yourself right in the foot not once, not twice, but three times. 7 Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted September 25, 2021 Share Posted September 25, 2021 1 hour ago, Kyrak said: I intented to send him a text to break up then I regretted it but part of it was sent with a random emoji... You don't seem to know what you want. You want a relationship, then you say you want you both to see and have sex with other people, then you want more texting, then you want to break up, then you change your mind and send a poem. If I were this guy I would be backing far, far away from you because you seem unstable. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
S2B Posted September 26, 2021 Share Posted September 26, 2021 When a guy is really interested… whether or not they are busy = they respond! I know doctors and CEO’s and owners of big corporations - when their gal texts - they respond at the very first opportunity! if their gal is high on their priority - they don’t wait to reach back out to the one they are focused on. Link to post Share on other sites
NYAG Posted September 26, 2021 Share Posted September 26, 2021 23 hours ago, S2B said: He didn’t need to reply - you never asked a question that required a response. I agree. Men aren't very good at subtle hints. If you don't ask outright, he'll assume it's not a question. Link to post Share on other sites
Amanda92 Posted September 26, 2021 Share Posted September 26, 2021 9 hours ago, NYAG said: I agree. Men aren't very good at subtle hints. If you don't ask outright, he'll assume it's not a question. I disagree. It's the same like face to face. If someone talk to you, you say something too, right? Not answering is ignoring. Link to post Share on other sites
NYAG Posted September 27, 2021 Share Posted September 27, 2021 14 hours ago, Amanda92 said: I disagree. It's the same like face to face. If someone talk to you, you say something too, right? Not answering is ignoring. And that happens a lot too...... Link to post Share on other sites
Author Kyrak Posted September 27, 2021 Author Share Posted September 27, 2021 I met with him on Saturday night. He told me that he was feeling like s*** and disgusted with himself about being diagnosed with psychosis. He has intrusive thoughts and tries to deal with it. In the meantime my grandfather died so he's been supporting me these days. We havent talked about lack of communication but at least knowing what he's going through gives some clarity. Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted September 27, 2021 Share Posted September 27, 2021 4 hours ago, Kyrak said: He told me that he was feeling like s*** and disgusted with himself about being diagnosed with psychosis. He has intrusive thoughts and tries to deal with it. Sorry to hear this. Talk to trusted friends and family about a death on the family. Leave him be and let him address his mental health issues in peace. Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted September 27, 2021 Share Posted September 27, 2021 5 hours ago, Kyrak said: I met with him on Saturday night So he asked you out for a date? How is this him pulling back? Link to post Share on other sites
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