Am I overreacting that my partner added a female colleague on Facebook that he has never actually met?

[Worried32]

He started the job 2 months ago and would have to deal with her on Skype etc. I saw the other day they are now Facebook friends. I find this weird as they have not actually met due to covid 19 and working from home. Am I overreacting to being jealous?

Edited September 28, 2021 by Worried32
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[basil67]

On face value, I would say that you are overreacting.  I don't know who my husband is FB friends with or whether he's met them in person....and I can't see a reason why I'd look and analyse this stuff. 

Is there history which makes you feel you need to track who he's FB friends with?

[Worried32]

8 minutes ago, basil67 said:

On face value, I would say that you are overreacting.  I don't know who my husband is FB friends with or whether he's met them in person....and I can't see a reason why I'd look and analyse this stuff. 

Is there history which makes you feel you need to track who he's FB friends with?

I do have jealous tendencies, so wasn’t sure if it was just me or if it was strange

[NYAG]

1 hour ago, Worried32 said:

I do have jealous tendencies, so wasn’t sure if it was just me or if it was strange

But does he have a history? Has he done this sort of thing before, had affairs, latched on co workers etc. If there is no history of it then it might be you. Have you both ever had discussions about your jealousies and why you do this. Does he know you are prone to this?

[Worried32]

18 minutes ago, NYAG said:

But does he have a history? Has he done this sort of thing before, had affairs, latched on co workers etc. If there is no history of it then it might be you. Have you both ever had discussions about your jealousies and why you do this. Does he know you are prone to this?

No he hasn’t cheated or done anything in the past. He is super friendly and early on I think lacked a bit of awareness around not doing things to make me feel insecure but nothing major 

[Wiseman2]

3 hours ago, Worried32 said:

. I saw the other day they are now Facebook friends. I find this weird 

Many people use social media for networking. Usually it's LinkedIn, but FB and others are just as popular.

In fact if his personal stuff is on there such as your family life, it would suggest he has no intention of cheating.

Make sure you are happy with yourself. Do you work? Do you have a full social life? What's causing these insecurities?

 

[Sun Seeker]

Yes you are way overreacting. If you are checking who every friend on his list is, and whether they have met, how they know each other etc, then it's clear you do not trust him. Without trust there is no relationship.

[d0nnivain]

I agree you are overreacting.  He may not have met her in person but he does "know" her in the sense that interact virtually.  Honestly your over the top jealous reaction would have been the same had he met her in person because there were no more lockdowns.  

You best get a handle on the green eyed monster before it destroys your relationship.  

[NYAG]

22 hours ago, Worried32 said:

No he hasn’t cheated or done anything in the past. He is super friendly and early on I think lacked a bit of awareness around not doing things to make me feel insecure but nothing major 

Then it sounds to me like you are worrying unnecessarily. Do you find yourself constantly asking him where he is, who he's with etc? If you question him unnecessarily you could drive him away but if you haven't been doing this then it sounds like you have been reading far too much between the lines. I am always surprised how many people will friend people they don't know IRL. this is probably simply a way to get to know work colleagues better that someone may have a close working relationship with but never meet because of working from home etc. If you see actual changes in his behaviour then maybe reevaluate. Just adding someone on FB is not that.

[Katkats7777]

I'm the odd ball here and I'm going to say you ARE NOT overreacting, I would be suspicious to be honest. He's never "met" her? and added her already? Yes, I know they work together, but he probably finds her attractive and will want to get to know her in person, big red flag. probing question, is she hot? Do you know if she is single? From my experience, the last time a guy told me I was "overreacting" telling me she was just a "friend" it  turned out 2 months later he had developed romantic feelings for her. Any time a man, tells you you're "overacting" no you are not, and your intuition is right, it might be the start of something.  

[FMW]

Working remotely for the past 18 months means my regular contact with coworkers is by Zoom, telephone and email.  There are newer people I've never met in person, but we interact regularly.

Unless she's the only coworker with whom he's Facebook friends I don't think what you've presented is a problem.

Unless he's given you other reasons to feel something is off, your feelings might be from unhappy experiences in prior relationships.  

[glows]

If I had social media I wouldn't have added a coworker. That's just something I wouldn't do to provide some buffer and boundaries between work and non-work. Previous exes had the same policy of not adding coworkers or having colleagues from work look in on our personal life. I also do not network online and neither have my previous partners for work.

It's up to you what you're comfortable with. I do not think you are overreacting if you feel uncomfortable or especially if your partner has been "super friendly" or lacked boundaries or awareness, wasn't appropriate. 

This issue as a gray area as you can see from the range of responses.

On 9/28/2021 at 1:35 AM, Worried32 said:

No he hasn’t cheated or done anything in the past. He is super friendly and early on I think lacked a bit of awareness around not doing things to make me feel insecure but nothing major 

 

[kendahke]

On 9/28/2021 at 1:59 AM, Worried32 said:

I do have jealous tendencies, so wasn’t sure if it was just me or if it was strange

It's you.

[ASG]

On 9/30/2021 at 7:12 PM, glows said:

If I had social media I wouldn't have added a coworker. That's just something I wouldn't do to provide some buffer and boundaries between work and non-work. Previous exes had the same policy of not adding coworkers or having colleagues from work look in on our personal life. I also do not network online and neither have my previous partners for work.

It's up to you what you're comfortable with. I do not think you are overreacting if you feel uncomfortable or especially if your partner has been "super friendly" or lacked boundaries or awareness, wasn't appropriate. 

This issue as a gray area as you can see from the range of responses.

 

Most people I know add work people on FB. 

I do, all the time. And since I am a freelancer, new co workers keep being added! I don'tadd every single one, but I do add a majority. But again, I'm not trying to establish any boundaries between work and personal life, as they are mostly one and the same (60% of my friends I met through work) and I dofind that on most jobs, my co workers are also the people I socialise with the most during that period. 

In terms of the OP, I'd say it's only weird if she's the only co worker the OP's partner has ever added on FB. Otherwise, I'd say it's actually quite normal, and I have done the same with co workers I either never met or met very briefly one time (when I was doing a WFH job)

[smackie9]

I have a ton of coworkers, sales people, etc added on my FB/Linkedin. men, women....some I don't work with anymore, some are temp staff. When you work with people you form a work bond/friendship. It's not unusual to become friends, and socialize with them. Some coworkers are like family to me.

So if he focuses a lot on her after hours, constant texting it's a worry.

[NYAG]

16 hours ago, ASG said:

Most people I know add work people on FB. 

I do, all the time. And since I am a freelancer, new co workers keep being added! I don'tadd every single one, but I do add a majority. But again, I'm not trying to establish any boundaries between work and personal life, as they are mostly one and the same (60% of my friends I met through work) and I dofind that on most jobs, my co workers are also the people I socialise with the most during that period. 

In terms of the OP, I'd say it's only weird if she's the only co worker the OP's partner has ever added on FB. Otherwise, I'd say it's actually quite normal, and I have done the same with co workers I either never met or met very briefly one time (when I was doing a WFH job)

I think that now a lot of people are working from home this is the only way to really get to know and socialise with work colleagues.