My ex contacted me while he has a new partner.

[CindyLou1]

Hi, all.

Long story short, I left my ex back in December due to a lot of reasons. Lies, manipulation, emotional abuse etc. I was with him for 2 years. I started no contact in march shortly after his birthday because he wanted me as a friend, but he was still being sexual. So I cut ties. 

He tried contacting me several times until finally in the end of April he stopped. I got into therapy, focused on myself, went to the gym etc. And then I met someone in June. We didn't start dating until July, and I felt it was a bit fast so I made my current partner aware I was just out of a relationship not so long ago and we should take things slow. However, everything my ex lacked, my current partner has and of course I'm happy.. everything has been going great so far..

And then, last week... my ex contacted me via a different phone number because I had blocked him everywhere else. At first I didn't know it was him, it was a stranger to me asking me if I am okay and if I am happy... I asked "who is this?" And he responded with "can you just tell me first?" - his response gave him away so I said his name and then I said "Yes I'm happy, I hope you are too". His reply was asking if I have someone, I said yes, and I told him I hope he does also. He proceeded to tell me he has many girlfriends which is typical of him. I told him I'm happy for him and then he starts going on a rant about how he still loves me, how we would have worked out if I had forgiven him again, how my new partner should thank him because if it wasn't for his stupidity, he would have still had me. How he still has all the gifts I bought him and thinks of me from time to time. 

I told him to move on and wished him the best. Blocked. And thennnn, again, he contacts me via email this time over the weekend. He tells me he has no one to talk to, no friends, and he would like a friendship with me. I started to feel bad, and I even began considering it...and then he ruined that, too. Because the moment he didn't get a direct answer and I told him I would think about it, he says "why would I give you time to think about it when youre just gonna say no anyway. Oh well it doesn't matter, I have a bunch of girls and one of them has my name tattooed on her" and sends me a photo of the girl with his name lmao

Immediately I wrote back to tell him that he made my decision for me because I can see he hasn't changed. Then he got offended, and wrote back this rant about how this girl is his girlfriend and he isn't playing her and just wanted to be my friend, and how I was "trippin". Again, I wished him well and blocked him. 

But I am truly blown away, like why on earth would someone even behave this way especially if they have a girlfriend. I just feel sorry for his new girlfriend. I was hoping my breakup with him would have matured him in some ways, but I suppose it hasn't. Has anyone behaved like this?? 

[Alpacalia]

He was probably just trying to rub it in your face or make you jealous.

He wants to see a reaction so he knows it's affecting you.

The more you give heed to him, the happier he is to see your anguish.

He will gradually leave you alone once you can ignore him and he no longer feels the power he has over your emotions.

[CindyLou1]

10 minutes ago, Alpaca said:

He was probably just trying to rub it in your face or make you jealous.

He wants to see a reaction so he knows it's affecting you.

The more you give heed to him, the happier he is to see your anguish.

He will gradually leave you alone once you can ignore him and he no longer feels the power he has over your emotions.

As soon as he told me his new gf of 3 months got his name tattooed on her, I burst out laughing. Lol I just fail to understand why people come out of the woodworks simply to embarrass themselves. But you're probably right, he probably wanted to see if I got jealous. 

[Wiseman2]

2 hours ago, QueenBanrigh said:

. Lies, manipulation, emotional abuse etc. 

Sorry this happened. For your own peace of mind, delete and block him and all his people from ALL your social media and messaging apps.

Then this will never happen again.

[Blind-Sided]

It was good you went NC... but then you failed to follow through.  

First... why would you even communicate with a number you didn't recognize??  There are so many scams out there... I block anything I don't recognize.

Second... it sounds like there was several messages.  So, even if you asked "Who is this"... and they WOULDN'T tell you... that should have been an instant block.  But even then... once you figured out it was your "Lies, manipulation, emotional abuse etc." exBF.... you should have stopped talking, and blocked the number... and not engaged with him AT ALL. 

Third... you should not have responded to his email... and instead... blocked him.

Allowing him to get back into you head is going to make it hard for you... and could very possibly ruin your new relationship, if he finds out you were talking to your exBF.  If I found out my GF was talking to her ex, especially early in the relationship... I would run far, and fast.  I don't need that kind of drama in my life... especially when she said she needs to go slow because of that very person. 

Do yourself a favor... stay NC, and do not engage.  Not even to say... "Don't contact me."  He will get the message when you don't respond.  As long as you do respond... he will continue to try. 

[d0nnivain]

I can't say that anyone in my life has ever behaved like this. 

You broke up with him because he was a manipulative liar who emotionally abused you.  This is more of the same Your mistake was telling him you would think about it.  You should have cut him off immediately & not looked back.  

If he has no friends he needs to start thinking about his behavior.  You are not responsible for him.  

[glows]

6 hours ago, QueenBanrigh said:

Immediately I wrote back to tell him that he made my decision for me because I can see he hasn't changed. Then he got offended, and wrote back this rant about how this girl is his girlfriend and he isn't playing her and just wanted to be my friend, and how I was "trippin". Again, I wished him well and blocked him. 

But I am truly blown away, like why on earth would someone even behave this way especially if they have a girlfriend. I just feel sorry for his new girlfriend. I was hoping my breakup with him would have matured him in some ways, but I suppose it hasn't. Has anyone behaved like this?? 

You still feel sorry for someone who has manipulated you and is harassing you in every form possible, short of showing up on your doorstep or stalking you. Are you still in therapy? He needs to vacate your life completely, don't pick up any unknown numbers or no caller ID and don't open any emails that you might suspect are coming from him. Steadily delete and block every single item that comes your way. 

The problem is that you are still emotionally raw from the break up and the fall out of the relationship. You may still be in shock and recovering because of the abuse and manipulation. I strongly suggest you keep up with therapy if you're not able to resist or remove him completely from your life. You can't control what he does but you can choose what you do. 

[CindyLou1]

2 hours ago, Blind-Sided said:

It was good you went NC... but then you failed to follow through.  

First... why would you even communicate with a number you didn't recognize??  There are so many scams out there... I block anything I don't recognize.

Second... it sounds like there was several messages.  So, even if you asked "Who is this"... and they WOULDN'T tell you... that should have been an instant block.  But even then... once you figured out it was your "Lies, manipulation, emotional abuse etc." exBF.... you should have stopped talking, and blocked the number... and not engaged with him AT ALL. 

Third... you should not have responded to his email... and instead... blocked him.

Allowing him to get back into you head is going to make it hard for you... and could very possibly ruin your new relationship, if he finds out you were talking to your exBF.  If I found out my GF was talking to her ex, especially early in the relationship... I would run far, and fast.  I don't need that kind of drama in my life... especially when she said she needs to go slow because of that very person. 

Do yourself a favor... stay NC, and do not engage.  Not even to say... "Don't contact me."  He will get the message when you don't respond.  As long as you do respond... he will continue to try. 

You think he will try again after this?! I sure hope not. But you are right, I shouldn't have engaged at all. To be honest, I thought me leaving him would have at least taught him a lesson and matured him a little but I was wrong. Still the same ugly person inside. 

 

I told my current partner and obviously he is very upset with me, I would understand if he wanted to leave but I do not feel anything for my ex in any romantic way, and I know my current partner knows that. Even still, I shouldn't have engaged in conversation. 

[d0nnivain]

Forget the EX & put your energies into making it up to your BF.   In the long run you shouldn't be faulted for trying to be kind but hopefully this taught you more about not being naïve.  

[CindyLou1]

18 minutes ago, glows said:

You still feel sorry for someone who has manipulated you and is harassing you in every form possible, short of showing up on your doorstep or stalking you. Are you still in therapy? He needs to vacate your life completely, don't pick up any unknown numbers or no caller ID and don't open any emails that you might suspect are coming from him. Steadily delete and block every single item that comes your way. 

The problem is that you are still emotionally raw from the break up and the fall out of the relationship. You may still be in shock and recovering because of the abuse and manipulation. I strongly suggest you keep up with therapy if you're not able to resist or remove him completely from your life. You can't control what he does but you can choose what you do. 

All my friends have told me I'm too nice, and I think it's my enemy. As bad as it sounds, I did feel sorry for him when he told me he had no friends and no one to talk to. But, now I obviously don't. I'm still in therapy, and now that you put it that way, I strangely got suspicious emails that said I had subscribed to them, when I didn't.. just two weeks before he contacted me. Not sure if it has anything to do with anything, but these emails were strictly all to do with funeral care and life insurance.. I have never gotten emails like that before and they have stopped when he got in touch with me. 

[CindyLou1]

1 minute ago, d0nnivain said:

Forget the EX & put your energies into making it up to your BF.   In the long run you shouldn't be faulted for trying to be kind but hopefully this taught you more about not being naïve.  

Yeah, I have learned my lesson with this.

[Alpacalia]

5 hours ago, QueenBanrigh said:

As soon as he told me his new gf of 3 months got his name tattooed on her, I burst out laughing. Lol I just fail to understand why people come out of the woodworks simply to embarrass themselves. But you're probably right, he probably wanted to see if I got jealous. 

He's grabbing at straws, so stay away from him and don't put yourself in a position where he can puke on you emotionally.

Concentrate on your own healing and moving forward with your new partner.

[glows]

1 hour ago, QueenBanrigh said:

All my friends have told me I'm too nice, and I think it's my enemy. As bad as it sounds, I did feel sorry for him when he told me he had no friends and no one to talk to. But, now I obviously don't. I'm still in therapy, and now that you put it that way, I strangely got suspicious emails that said I had subscribed to them, when I didn't.. just two weeks before he contacted me. Not sure if it has anything to do with anything, but these emails were strictly all to do with funeral care and life insurance.. I have never gotten emails like that before and they have stopped when he got in touch with me. 

It's just more nonsense trying to gain your sympathy but keep reminding yourself that he is an ex and you owe each other nothing after the break up. Your boyfriend/current partner is upset about this incident so spend more time on your current relationship. Don't keep repeating the same patterns, getting drawn in by people like your ex.

[mark clemson]

Game player. Total hardcore case. Steer clear forevermore, he will only add negativity to your life.

[vwisme]

Run. Don't look back. Don't pass go (but collect your $200) lol.

He doesn't want to be your friend. At least not a genuine one. He still wants to have some hold on you. It's sad and deserves no more energy. 

Focus on the people and things that make your life great. You're not being too nice. You're being a doormat. Be "nice" to yourself and let go of him and any of his behavior. 

People that actually care for you and love you would be happy for you and your new relationship and do their best to honor it and you. He isn't. 

So no, he can never have access to you again. 

[Nothanks]

It is hard sometimes for sane and decent people to understand why crazy entitled people act the way they do.  Don’t bother trying to figure your ex out. Devote your energy into your new man as he sounds worth the effort. 

[ExpatInItaly]

21 hours ago, QueenBanrigh said:

Has anyone behaved like this?? 

 

21 hours ago, QueenBanrigh said:

Lies, manipulation, emotional abuse etc

You already know the answer as to why he does this. 

I dated a guy like this. He was manipulative by nature and kept trying even after I walked away from him. It's just what some unbalanced people do. I am not sure why you are blown away when you describe him as you did above. You know he is like this. 

The better question is - why are you responding at all? Why tell him you would think about being friends? You say you are too nice, but it's not very nice to your current boyfriend to be responding to your ex this way. So what's really going on there? I personally don't feel that it's kindness, but perhaps wanting that little bit of validaiton in knowing he is still trying to get your attention. You would be wise to sit with yourself on that and try to understand why you entertained him at all here.