Feeling Lost & confused

[Lost_and_confused]

My SO told me recently that something bad had happened to her in primary school (between 8 and 10yo). She's in her early 20's now

 

The conversation started when we were just talking about sex and asking each other little prodding questions about past lovers and stuff, then she goes on to apologise (again) for her low sex drive and says that we can get some lube to help her do it more often. Something which i did not like the idea of, i know how to jerk off, so sex only 3 times a week is not a problem.

 

Then she says that she has something to tell me...

 

She was friends with and quite close to a boy next door who was about 4 years older. (So about 12-14 I guess) He was always round playing at hers. Anyway - once time he started touching her, things got worse over time - I'm not going into detail here but it did not (as far as i know) involve intercourse. I'm still not sure over how long a period of time it lasted for. It stopped when she went started senior school and he came up to her saying that she had to go with him to meet his friends. She just started shouting and crying and that was the end of it.

 

For years afterwards she blamed herself and felt like sh*t and that she was worthless and wasn't pretty etc...

 

She's never really told anyone about this and never had any sort out councilling or other proffessional help with it.

 

She says that she's over it now and its in the past however, she says there are somethings that still make her uncomfortable and her sex drive is pretty low for a woman her age. She also said that the first time we had sex it made her feel like she did then. Which obviously made me feel like crap but more so because i now hate to think about putting her in a similar position again She also says that she's ok with sex as long as there are a few days between so that she doesn't have to think about doing it again when we are having sex.

 

I've asked her to consider councilling, she's pretty much said no, that she doesn't want to go talking about it and digging it up.

 

But i'm sure she still needs to get this sorted out in her head. She still blames herself for not saying No in the first place. Her low sex drive is also worrying me.. it always did a bit as she always acts like she has a higher sex drive untill it comes to the actual act itself.

 

I know I can't force her to go to councilling, and i'm prepared to take a lot of crap before she accepts that she needs it, and I'm prepared to take even more crap as she's going through the councilling and all the emotions start coming out again. I just want my SO to be the woman she can be.. she's fantastic now but I know now that she could be even more fantastic and I want her to be able to live to her full potential.

 

Anyway - thoughts, suggestions and ideas would be most welcome.

 

Aplogies for posting anonomously