Why do women tell other women 'don't chase men? Are they jealous?

[Katkats7777]

I've heard other women tell other women, don't chase men, let him come to you. If a man contacts you, don't answer him, be cold and don't respond in 5 days. Turn him down not once but 3 three times, play hard to get.  Yeah, I've seen women throw themselves at men, flirt with men, even they can steal a man away from a taken man. The whole, let him come to you, and what? I'm suppose to lay there like a dying cockroach and not put any effort? This shows men disinterest and move on. Some examples when its OKAY to chase men/make the first move in my opinion:

1.) At a bar-see a cute guy, approach, flirt.  2) At work, strike up a convo 3) In the early stages of dating, its okay to reach out to a guy

Don't tell me that women don't make the first move- what about those women that are all over a man? This isn't 1950, leave it to beaver era. Women tell women don't chase men, one thing I will never do is ask him out on a date. I'm sure guys like it when women approach them and flaunt their boobs at them.

Edited September 30, 2021 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
language

[chillii]

2 hours ago, Katkats7777 said:

I've heard other women tell other women, don't chase men, let him come to you. If a man contacts you, don't answer him, be cold and don't respond in 5 days. Turn him down not once but 3 three times, play hard to get.  Yeah, I've seen women throw themselves at men, flirt with men, even they can steal a man away from a taken man. The whole, let him come to you, and what? I'm suppose to lay there like a dying cockroach and not put any effort? This shows men disinterest and move on. Some examples when its OKAY to chase men/make the first move in my opinion:

1.) At a bar-see a cute guy, approach, flirt.  2) At work, strike up a convo 3) In the early stages of dating, its okay to reach out to a guy

Don't tell me that women don't make the first move- what about those hoes that are all over a man? This isn't 1950, leave it to beaver era. Women tell women don't chase men, one thing I will never do is ask him out on a date. I'm sure guys like it when women approach them and flaunt their boobs at them.

ldk , the first few lines is a bit ridiculous , 3 times and the games, 5 days , good luck with that ladies.That's not hard to get that's just pure games. True dignity is a lot classier than that.

But not throwing themselves at men sure l could understand that too bc on the other extreme, speaking of class , some women just don't have any and on one hand that would be embarrassing to others. On another , l suppose women like that do often get used too and there'd be some warning there too l suppose.

But eh , l'm male , women would be better at answering this one of course and elaborating further.

 

[Woggle]

Nobody should chase anybody. People who need to be chased are not relationship material.

[basil67]

1 hour ago, chillii said:

ldk , the first few lines is a bit ridiculous , 3 times and the games, 5 days , good luck with that ladies.That's not hard to get that's just pure games. True dignity is a lot classier than that

It's a bit ridiculous because it's a gross exaggeration.   Sure, I've heard "let him chase you", but no woman in her right mind would advise this.

[Wiseman2]

Ignore what you feel is bad advice from friends. Do what's right for you, whether it's messaging men on dating apps or buying a guy a drink in a club. 

[Foxhall]

7 hours ago, Katkats7777 said:

I've heard other women tell other women, don't chase men, let him come to you. If a man contacts you, don't answer him, be cold and don't respond in 5 days. Turn him down not once but 3 three times, play hard to get

lol yes maybe there is some method in thjs madness,

the notion that only a "very confident successful guy" will keep coming back for more and you will weed out the types who give up too easily and are not worthy of you 

Id be gone and I imagine most guys gone after two rejections at most,

but perhaps there are some women who will eventually fall for the guy who does not take no for an answer, or who ups his game and comes back with a better play.

a friend of mine a number of years ago, he eventually married a visually attractive woman, but her play was that she was testing him out "make him earn her" in the early stages.

still Id agree with the others- bad advice overall.

 

 

[Blind-Sided]

I've never dated a girl who "Chased" me.  They seem too easy... and why would I want a girl like that?   If a girl would play hard to get, in a way that makes me think she is not interested (like not responding in 5 days, or is cold)... then she will miss out.  

I want a girl who is a normal person, and even if she wasn't interested, would still engage in conversation... because that is what a normal person would do. 

Edited September 30, 2021 by Blind-Sided

[Pumpernickel]

2 hours ago, Blind-Sided said:

I want a girl who is a normal person, and even if she wasn't interested, would still engage in conversation... because that is what a normal person would do. 

Right? In dating these days, people seem so black and white. The guy is either an a**h***/loser, or he’s an incredibly good catch who has his s*** together, is sensitive, honest, loves his mom to the moon and back, and has a nice job. There’s nothing in between anymore. And if he’s not “all that”, block and delete. It’s so rude. We should all mind our manners,  and treat people with respect (unless they don’t deserve our respect, ofc), even if they’re not marriage material. 
 

But chasing - no. I wouldn’t chase a guy. Never have. I don’t think I’ve ever initiated flirting either. That’s just not my personality, but I do wish I had been more (flirtatiously) outgoing/confident in my younger years, because who knows what opportunities I missed. And mild flirting/being outgoing and friendly is not chasing. 

Edited September 30, 2021 by Pumpernickel

[d0nnivain]

The advice you are getting to play games is bad.  However, one shouldn't chase.  Chasing is degrading.  Don't do it.  There is a big difference between not chasing & still communicating that you are interested. The best way to get a man is make him chase you but you do have to make the 1st move in the sense that you need to show some interest.  Part of that is simply smiling & being polite.   

Aloof is fine as is actually being busy.  You don't want to act like a dog begging for table scraps.  Anything worth having is worth waiting & working for.  Don't be too available because some new guy should not be the only thing you have going on in your life. Always maintain your dignity & your self worth by knowing your own value.  

[stillafool]

OP you're a grown woman so if chasing men is your habit and it's working for you continue on.  Is it working for you?  If so, forget other's opinions and keep chasing.

[glows]

11 hours ago, Katkats7777 said:

I've heard other women tell other women, don't chase men, let him come to you. If a man contacts you, don't answer him, be cold and don't respond in 5 days. Turn him down not once but 3 three times, play hard to get.  Yeah, I've seen women throw themselves at men, flirt with men, even they can steal a man away from a taken man. The whole, let him come to you, and what? I'm suppose to lay there like a dying cockroach and not put any effort? This shows men disinterest and move on. Some examples when its OKAY to chase men/make the first move in my opinion:

1.) At a bar-see a cute guy, approach, flirt.  2) At work, strike up a convo 3) In the early stages of dating, its okay to reach out to a guy

Don't tell me that women don't make the first move- what about those women that are all over a man? This isn't 1950, leave it to beaver era. Women tell women don't chase men, one thing I will never do is ask him out on a date. I'm sure guys like it when women approach them and flaunt their boobs at them.

It's ok to make the first move but, first, as in any situation, make sure the person is worth your while. It is rude not to respond to someone if there's some interest. Playing mind games is a turn off for many. It shows lack of substance and care for others. 

[Katkats7777]

11 hours ago, stillafool said:

OP you're a grown woman so if chasing men is your habit and it's working for you continue on.  Is it working for you?  If so, forget other's opinions and keep chasing.

alright, then i do what works for me. 

[Nothanks]

I think there are too many common myths or dumb rules directed towards women about dating and you have mentioned a few (don’t call back too soon, play hard to get etc).  I feel these “rules” amount to playing head games so I think they are ridiculous. If you want to ask a guy out, go for it.  Some women want the guy to make the first move and that is fine too. Whatever works for you.

[d0nnivain]

13 hours ago, Katkats7777 said:

alright, then i do what works for me. 

Great!  At bottom "the rules" are all about having self esteem & self confidence.  

[dramafreezone]

On 9/30/2021 at 4:04 AM, Blind-Sided said:

They seem too easy... and why would I want a girl like that? 

Ok, think of it like this; why wouldn't a woman chase you?  Why isn't the default attitude that if a woman chases us it's because we're awesome, instead of this idea that she's "easy?"

A lot of guys have a mindset that if a woman heavily pursues them then she is "needy" or something.  Why don't they see it as she just really likes an awesome person?  Calling her needy is really an insult to the self, as if something would have to be wrong with the woman for her to really like them.

This whole idea that it has to be hard or a challenge for it to be good is just a huge indictment of the state of dating these days.  It *should* be easy.  Love shouldn't be a struggle, life is hard enough as it is without intentionally make things harder on ourselves.

[Blind-Sided]

11 hours ago, dramafreezone said:

Ok, think of it like this; why wouldn't a woman chase you?  Why isn't the default attitude that if a woman chases us it's because we're awesome, instead of this idea that she's "easy?"

A lot of guys have a mindset that if a woman heavily pursues them then she is "needy" or something.  Why don't they see it as she just really likes an awesome person?  Calling her needy is really an insult to the self, as if something would have to be wrong with the woman for her to really like them.

This whole idea that it has to be hard or a challenge for it to be good is just a huge indictment of the state of dating these days.  It *should* be easy.  Love shouldn't be a struggle, life is hard enough as it is without intentionally make things harder on ourselves.

So... did you not read the rest of my post?  I don't want it to be a "Chase" on either side. If someone is truly "Chasing"... then yes... they are being needy.  OR... they are looking for a "Hook-up". 

I clearly said... I want a normal person who will have conversations, and respond to a txt or call in a normal amount of time.

But it really has nothing to do with me, per-se. It's answering the OP's question.  Right or wrong... it's how it is.  A girl who chases a guy will seem easy, and a girl who plays hard to get will miss out if the guy wasn't going to chase her. 

[clia]

Showing or reciprocating interest is not the same thing as "chasing."  The advice not to chase men is typically given when the man is showing little to no interest -- not initiating dates, not responding to communication in a timely manner, not initiating communications, cancelling plans, etc.  We see posts like this all the time here -- it is clear as day that the man isn't interested based on his actions, yet the woman continues to text him, ask him out, try to force the relationship, etc.  That's when you see "don't chase him" type of advice.  Men who are interested don't act that way.  It has nothing to do with jealousy.  So, for example, if you approach the man at a bar and flaunt your boobs at him, but he is more interested in his beer or the game on the TV, you don't continue to flaunt your boobs at him.  You take a hint and walk away.   

[stillafool]

People don't give the advice "not to chase" because they are jealous.  It's to keep you from making a fool of yourself.

[glows]

On 9/29/2021 at 7:47 PM, Katkats7777 said:

I've heard other women tell other women, don't chase men, let him come to you. If a man contacts you, don't answer him, be cold and don't respond in 5 days. Turn him down not once but 3 three times, play hard to get.  Yeah, I've seen women throw themselves at men, flirt with men, even they can steal a man away from a taken man. The whole, let him come to you, and what? I'm suppose to lay there like a dying cockroach and not put any effort? This shows men disinterest and move on. Some examples when its OKAY to chase men/make the first move in my opinion:

1.) At a bar-see a cute guy, approach, flirt.  2) At work, strike up a convo 3) In the early stages of dating, its okay to reach out to a guy

Don't tell me that women don't make the first move- what about those women that are all over a man? This isn't 1950, leave it to beaver era. Women tell women don't chase men, one thing I will never do is ask him out on a date. I'm sure guys like it when women approach them and flaunt their boobs at them.

The quality of the man matters however, as does the woman.