What should I do about this male friend who used to have romantic feelings for me?

[Monica_9096]

Hi! So i am in an uncomfortable situation with this guy that has been a really good friend to me for the past 3 years. Last year he told me that he had feelings for me but I explained to him that I don't have romantic feelings towards him. He understood it well and we continued to be good friends. However, I have a hard time trusting people and sometimes I feel like he haven't gotten over his feelings for me.

For example, he gives me many compliments and sometimes tries to have physical contact that seems innocent.

Some months ago, we were at a friend´s house and we were all a little drunk and he asked me for a kiss. I felt terrible uncomfortable specially because he insisted and made me feel bad about it. I left the party because i was honestly scared and uncomfortable. I had a bad experience in the past about a guy who took advantage of me when i was drunk. He knows about that and it hurted me that he did not think about my feelings.

He apologized a lot of times and i forgave him but now i'm feeling a little disgusted towards him and i still love him because generally he is a good friend, he supports me a lot and we always have a good time. Now, i am just being distant but i know i need to do something.

 

He also follow a lot of naked women on Instagram and that also makes me suspicious. 

Thank you for reading me.

 

[salparadise]

These things never work out. He should have the cojones to walk away –– it's humiliating. He's an orbiter waiting and waiting, hoping a weak moment presents. That's what happened at the party when you were drinking. His friendship is based solely on sexual desire. It's up to you to cut the cord. No need to feel bad about it because this friendship is disingenuous.

Edited September 30, 2021 by salparadise

[Wiseman2]

6 hours ago, Monica_9096 said:

 i'm feeling a little disgusted towards him and i still love him because generally he is a good friend, 

He also follow a lot of naked women on Instagram and that 

Sorry this happened. The most important thing to remember is that you are responsible for your feelings actions and drinking.

He's not you're BF so why are you concerned with his social media activities?

You need to distance yourself. That way you won't be hurt, you won't be stringing him along and you can feel free to find a BF rather than this nebulous situationship.

It's not working anymore. He wants more than friends, you know this, so hanging out this much is causing problems for both of you.

[Monica_9096]

Thanks for all your advices.

[stillafool]

If these guys make you uncomfortable and do not keep boundaries they are not your friends.  Friends are people who make us feel comfortable, offer emotional support that we like spending time with so stop calling these guys your friends.  Go NC with them, do not follow or respond to them on social media.  Also do not be afraid to use your voice and tell guys NO when they ask for a kiss if you don't like them.  They will respect you more.

[Lotsgoingon]

He basically showed he cannot be your friend by continuing to come onto you. So you should NOT trust him. You should strongly DISTRUST him.

This is a hard situation to navigate in the best of circumstances, but some people do navigate it. But this guy ruined any chance that you would trust him. Trust your gut on this one. And speak up. Quit worrying about hurting his feelings. He violated your feelings by coming onto you despite your statement that you aren't interested in romance. 

So quit worrying about his feelings. Social media is irrelevant. You don't need any more evidence than his behavior already that this guy is not for you--not even as a "friend."

 

Edited October 1, 2021 by Lotsgoingon

[glows]

22 hours ago, Monica_9096 said:

Hi! So i am in an uncomfortable situation with this guy that has been a really good friend to me for the past 3 years. Last year he told me that he had feelings for me but I explained to him that I don't have romantic feelings towards him. He understood it well and we continued to be good friends. However, I have a hard time trusting people and sometimes I feel like he haven't gotten over his feelings for me.

For example, he gives me many compliments and sometimes tries to have physical contact that seems innocent.

Some months ago, we were at a friend´s house and we were all a little drunk and he asked me for a kiss. I felt terrible uncomfortable specially because he insisted and made me feel bad about it. I left the party because i was honestly scared and uncomfortable. I had a bad experience in the past about a guy who took advantage of me when i was drunk. He knows about that and it hurted me that he did not think about my feelings.

He apologized a lot of times and i forgave him but now i'm feeling a little disgusted towards him and i still love him because generally he is a good friend, he supports me a lot and we always have a good time. Now, i am just being distant but i know i need to do something.

 

He also follow a lot of naked women on Instagram and that also makes me suspicious. 

Thank you for reading me.

 

It is a bit awkward. Distance yourself and don't try to be friends with someone who has feelings for you. He's acted on them despite knowing that it's not reciprocated so just move on.