Charym88 Posted September 30, 2021 Share Posted September 30, 2021 Me and my ex first dated 2015 to the end of 2017. Then we were separated for a year from 2018-2019 after he left me for this same woman he is about to start a family with a week after our breakup. We dated again from 2019-2021 after he claims he left her for smoking and drinking. The 2nd round we had gotten back together, it started off well then he became emotionally unavailable overtime which drove me crazy. It led to many arguments and mini breakups. As soon as we would get back together he claimed he would change but he never did which led to our ultimate breakup. He would never tell me he love me, show affection and he wouldn't communicate or talk about the future together. It was like dating a robot. He was a totally different man than he was the first 2 years. Fast forward to now, his ex ended up having a child during the time they were broken up and he really wants a child. I feel I couldn't have a child even though we tried due to all of the stress in the relationship. Now that we're broken up, he wouldn't give me any closure at all. All he tells me is that he has a baby now and for me to move on. I asked him did he get back together with his ex and he says yes. At this point I don't know what is going on. I'm not sure if he's just saying things because he's upset I left him and kicked him out. He said we can be friends and still hang out. I haven't heard a peep from his ex about a baby being his ever and we were in constant communication at one point about him so I know it's not his child. Plus, she argues on Facebook with the child's father about the child. If all of this is true from him, my guess is that he's accepting her child as his own and moving on with her because she can have children. In his mind he thinks I can't, because we had issues. He really wants a family. It hurts and I'm about to go no contact. I just can't believe after a week he's ready to move on and start a family with an ex who just had a child by someone else. I feel like the entire thing is out of place but it's his choice. I have no family or friends and I'm stuck in this state by myself until my lease is up. I don't even believe it is true but I do believe he probably had sex with her and think he got her pregnant so he's not in a rush to work things out with me. Please help. How should I go about this situation? It's hard to just move on after a week especially with no friends or family. Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted October 1, 2021 Share Posted October 1, 2021 7 hours ago, Charym88 said: I have no family or friends and I'm stuck in this state by myself until my lease is up. Sorry this is happening. Contact friends and family to help you get out of this situation. Contact your landlord about terminating your lease. Start looking for jobs back where you wish to live near friends and family You dodged a bullet. On/off relationships are fraught with pain,drama and chaos. Unfortunately you were not only on/off with him, he was bouncing back and forth between you and this woman. Be glad it's finally over. You were caught up in the crossfire of thier crazy on/off situation. Start fresh in your new location back with friends and family. Screen well when dating and avoid people with messy "ex" situations. In the meantime, delete and block him and all his people from ALL your social media and messaging apps. Focus on your relocation. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted October 1, 2021 Share Posted October 1, 2021 (edited) 10 hours ago, Charym88 said: he's not in a rush to work things out with me You really need to ask yourself why you want to work things out with someone so toxic for you. This guy cannot be your only option. There are others out there but it sounds like you attached yourself to him because you don't have anyone else in your life where you live. He's not a good guy, and yes, he's probably gotten her pregnant so now he's chosen to be with her to have their baby together. He left you once already for her, and it doesn't sound like they ever really let go of each other. What with all the "mini-breakups," you badly need to move on from him. You're essentially the third party in their on-off relationship. There is no future with him for you. And thank goodness - it would be terribly dysfunctional and miserable. It's time to cut him off, and block them all on social media. Edited October 1, 2021 by ExpatInItaly 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Charym88 Posted October 1, 2021 Author Share Posted October 1, 2021 12 minutes ago, ExpatInItaly said: You really need to ask yourself why you want to work things out with someone so toxic for you. This guy cannot be your only option. There are others out there but it sounds like you attached yourself to him because you don't have anyone else in your life where you live. He's not a good guy, and yes, he's probably gotten her pregnant so now he's chosen to be with her to have their baby together. He left you once already for her, and it doesn't sound like they ever really let go of each other. What with all the "mini-breakups," you badly need to move on from him. You're essentially the third party in their on-off relationship. There is no future with him for you. And thank goodness - it would be terribly dysfunctional and miserable. It's time to cut him off, and block them all on social media. I had a guy at work that I had but even he dodges my phone calls so I left him alone and we stopped communicating. We kept it cordial and low contact at work. We stopped talking because I went back to him(ex) after one of our mini breakups. This guy doesn't even know what's going on right now because he thinks I'm still in a relationship so he avoids me and my calls. However, I can tell he still likes me because he's always watching my every move and he will come up and talk to me every now and then. We just wouldn't talk about the past and what happened. Yeah even though I came first I may be a 3rd wheel because he loved her way more than he loved me. I am dodging a bullet. Also she's a commitment phobe who can't stay in relationships for long. She couldn't even make it work with any of the exes she had and it was a lot. According to her, he's lying and they're not back together. I talked to her. He may be trying to make me jealous because she has a baby and I never hear a baby in the background when I talk to him. Some men like him resent the woman (me) for not being able have children when he wants it and my gut instinct is telling me this is what's going on. One time during an argument he told me that I should have been pregnant by now. He's trying to talk about babies and being back with his ex to start a family as a way to make me feel guilty because he feels empty and is bitter that he got kicked out. It's only been a week since he's been out of the house. It makes no sense Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted October 1, 2021 Share Posted October 1, 2021 2 hours ago, Charym88 said: Yeah even though I came first I may be a 3rd wheel because he loved her way more than he loved me. I am dodging a bullet. Also she's a commitment phobe who can't stay in relationships for long. She couldn't even make it work with any of the exes she had and it was a lot. According to her, he's lying and they're not back together. I talked to her. He may be trying to make me jealous because she has a baby and I never hear a baby in the background when I talk to him. Some men like him resent the woman (me) for not being able have children when he wants it and my gut instinct is telling me this is what's going on. One time during an argument he told me that I should have been pregnant by now. He's trying to talk about babies and being back with his ex to start a family as a way to make me feel guilty because he feels empty and is bitter that he got kicked out. It's only been a week since he's been out of the house. It makes no sense If he loves her way more than you he is certainly not the man for you. Be glad he's gone because he's wasting your time. He has every right to have a child if that is what he wants even if it's not his bio child. If he's in love with her I doubt he's back with her to make you jealous but because that's where he wants to be. You should ask your Landlord if there is anyway you can get out of your lease so you can move back to where your family lives so you aren't alone. You will be okay as your relationship with him sounded too unstable. Go NC and get over him. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted October 1, 2021 Share Posted October 1, 2021 8 hours ago, Charym88 said: According to her, he's lying and they're not back together. I talked to her. May I ask why? Their relationship (or lack thereof) is irrelevant. It's also none of your business if you're broken up. You know this is toxic but you are participating in it. I would spend some time single, and try to understand what it is inside you that does not demand better for yourself. Link to post Share on other sites
glows Posted October 1, 2021 Share Posted October 1, 2021 (edited) On 9/30/2021 at 4:01 PM, Charym88 said: Me and my ex first dated 2015 to the end of 2017. Then we were separated for a year from 2018-2019 after he left me for this same woman he is about to start a family with a week after our breakup. We dated again from 2019-2021 after he claims he left her for smoking and drinking. The 2nd round we had gotten back together, it started off well then he became emotionally unavailable overtime which drove me crazy. It led to many arguments and mini breakups. As soon as we would get back together he claimed he would change but he never did which led to our ultimate breakup. He would never tell me he love me, show affection and he wouldn't communicate or talk about the future together. It was like dating a robot. ... At this point I don't know what is going on. ... Please help. How should I go about this situation? It's hard to just move on after a week especially with no friends or family. Yes, go no contact for yourself. That is your closure. You've spent years on this man who's gone back and forth between two women so fast it would give anyone whiplash. Please take care of yourself and don't speak to him again. Both of you are incompatible. If he wants a family, let him have that with someone else. You're not any less because you can't have children, by the way. After all these ups and downs and chaos, let go. This means removing him off social media and your phone contact list. Don't talk to anyone he's in association with. Birds of a feather flock together. Leave them all alone and go your own way. Journal, look for support groups, delve into a hobby or interest like no tomorrow and go deep. Don't worry about what he does anymore. Edited October 1, 2021 by glows Link to post Share on other sites
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