M4RT1N Posted October 1, 2021 Share Posted October 1, 2021 I woman started working with me approximately 6 months ago she is married with 2 kids, I was attracted to her from the get go but with her being married and me not long being single (with no kids) I said/did nothing. I had to train her up to replace me as I was transferring within the company to another role in the same office. Whilst we had to work so closely together we got to know each other and became a little close. Whilst training her she had split up with her husband for some reason and was a little upset so me being who I am I comforted her and we texted each other quite a lot and I think I helped her she ended up getting back with him after a day or 2. After this happened she started to flirt with me more (she is a little flirty anyway) and said things to imply she wanted to have an affair/sex with me and that we could be together if she had the balls to leave her husband. I told her that I felt a connection between the 2 of us and wanted to spend more time with her out of work when possible. We started meeting before work for coffees talking getting to know each other little by little and things were going well. She was always complimenting me and to others including her mum. We went on a staff day/night out with a few other colleagues and she was with me all night linking my arm, holding my hand, I asked her if I didn’t come on the night out would she have n she said no. About half way through the night we were outside smoking/vaping and she asked me if I wanted to kiss her so obviously I did and we kissed for me it was good. The night went on a bit and was getting late so me being a gentleman I took the train with her to make sure she got home safe she kissed me again on the platform and the whole time on the trains, she was all over me and the kisses were passionate and none stop she was into it as much as me. We didn’t have sex because we went back to her house and she took me home the next morning. 3 months have passed since and we have still been talking/texting/flirting she even asked me to help her write a couple of letters which I did n I told her I spent a few hours on them and she was blown away by them and really great full but every time I’ve tried to get her to meet me out of work there’s always been some reason why she can’t n whenever we’re texting or talking and I turn the topic to us she either doesn’t respond or changes the subject I want to speak to her about what she wants/feels/thinks but I don’t want to do it over text or phone or in work and I don’t want to ruin it as well as I really feel a connection between the 2 of us. What’s should I do? Link to post Share on other sites
Yosemite Posted October 1, 2021 Share Posted October 1, 2021 26 minutes ago, M4RT1N said: We didn’t have sex because we went back to her house and she took me home the next morning. You did or you didn't have sex? Where were her husband and kids when you stayed over? Link to post Share on other sites
Author M4RT1N Posted October 1, 2021 Author Share Posted October 1, 2021 We didn’t obviously I stayed on the couch they were in bed Link to post Share on other sites
Yosemite Posted October 1, 2021 Share Posted October 1, 2021 Actually, from the way you told the story it isn't obvious. I thought that maybe the husband and the kids were away. Anyway, her husband probably told her in no uncertain terms to stay away from you and she didn't want to jeopardize her marriage so she stopped all the flirting with you. 37 minutes ago, M4RT1N said: I want to speak to her about what she wants/feels/thinks This is your answer: 37 minutes ago, M4RT1N said: I’ve tried to get her to meet me out of work there’s always been some reason why she can’t n whenever we’re texting or talking and I turn the topic to us she either doesn’t respond or changes the subject She's done with you, your only move is to leave her alone. She's married and you knew that from the beginning. Now she's putting an end to what you two were doing...it's over. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Author M4RT1N Posted October 1, 2021 Author Share Posted October 1, 2021 If you read it again my friend you’ll realise that I didn’t come onto her she came onto me and she wanted an affair and she has told me recently that she still wants to leave her husband and she is not in love with him anymore and she is unhappy being with him and if her husband did say that why does she still text me n call me. 5 minutes ago, Yosemite said: Actually, from the way you told the story it isn't obvious. I thought that maybe the husband and the kids were away. Anyway, her husband probably told her in no uncertain terms to stay away from you and she didn't want to jeopardize her marriage so she stopped all the flirting with you. This is your answer: She's done with you, your only move is to leave her alone. She's married and you knew that from the beginning. Now she's putting an end to what you two were doing...it's over. Link to post Share on other sites
Pumpernickel Posted October 1, 2021 Share Posted October 1, 2021 (edited) 26 minutes ago, M4RT1N said: why does she still text me n call me. We don’t know that. It could be that 1) she’s confused and scared. Divorces are hard. If she really means what she says, then her head is probably spinning right now, while she’s trying to figure out what the right decision is for her and her children. 2) Or she’s just an attention whore who has been doing the same thing with multiple men on the side for an eternity. This could be the reason why they’re talking divorce in the first place. You could be just another one of many flings. 3) Or, she really liked you initially, but then changed her mind about everything, and now she feels bad and doesn’t want to be upfront with you. It’s easier to string you along and let it all fizzle out by itself than be honest and open and admit to you that she made a mistake. Nobody knows what’s going on in somebody else’s head. And let’s be honest - you really don’t know her very well at all so it could be anything really. If she were a long-term GF or a really good friend, you could read her better, but not her - she’s almost a stranger and you don’t know her at all. The only real option that you have his to ask her bluntly about what’s actually going on with her. But that could be interpreted as being pushy. So I’m not sure if you want to do that, plus, even if you ask you probably won’t get the truth, unless it’s scenario 1), in which case she might eventually open up to you, if the stress level gets too much for her. Edited October 1, 2021 by Pumpernickel Link to post Share on other sites
Yosemite Posted October 1, 2021 Share Posted October 1, 2021 25 minutes ago, M4RT1N said: and if her husband did say that why does she still text me n call me. So that you'll continue to do her work for her. 1 hour ago, M4RT1N said: she even asked me to help her write a couple of letters which I did n I told her I spent a few hours on them and she was blown away 27 minutes ago, M4RT1N said: she has told me recently that she still wants to leave her husband and she is not in love with him anymore and she is unhappy being with him What does that have to do with you? You're not in their marriage. She's avoiding you, changing the subject, and not responding when you ask to meet outside of work. That's your clue that it's over. 3 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Syre17 Posted October 1, 2021 Share Posted October 1, 2021 Take it from me…don’t hang your hat on her. A married woman will bemoan their marriage and talk about leaving, but rarely if ever will. For them, it’s the sense of “security” and the illusion of the white picket fence no matter how miserable they may actually be… 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted October 1, 2021 Share Posted October 1, 2021 5 hours ago, M4RT1N said: We didn’t obviously I stayed on the couch they were in bed You need to scale way back on this. Besides being inappropriate at work, what are you thinking sleeping on this couple's sofa and making moves on the wife? Date outside of work and date single women. This is going to go sideways and has headaches and heartaches written all over it. 4 1 Link to post Share on other sites
BaileyB Posted October 1, 2021 Share Posted October 1, 2021 (edited) 11 hours ago, M4RT1N said: I’ve tried to get her to meet me out of work there’s always been some reason why she can’t n whenever we’re texting or talking and I turn the topic to us she either doesn’t respond or changes the subject It’s quite obvious from this comment that she doesn’t see this as a possible relationship. So, why do you have fantasies of a relationship with this married woman? Unfortunately, the fact that she is not available to be in a relationship with you doesn’t stop her from using you and having a little fun. The better question is not why is she doing this but why do you allow it? Why are you participating? Edited October 1, 2021 by BaileyB 2 Link to post Share on other sites
BaileyB Posted October 1, 2021 Share Posted October 1, 2021 10 hours ago, M4RT1N said: she has told me recently that she still wants to leave her husband And yet, she won’t meet you after work and she won’t entertain any talk about “where is this going?” Wake up and smell the coffee - why would you even want a woman who could do this to a man anyway? Let’s say she does leave and get with you - what’s to stop her from doing this with another man… maybe he will end up sleeping on your sofa and fantasizing about your girlfriend. This woman has no boundaries and apparently, neither do you. Don’t be shocked when bad decisions produce bad results - 2 1 Link to post Share on other sites
BaileyB Posted October 1, 2021 Share Posted October 1, 2021 10 hours ago, M4RT1N said: if her husband did say that why does she still text me n call me. Because she can. Because you are gullible enough to fall for it… That’s the honest truth. She is getting her jollies at your expense right now. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Snakesalive Posted October 1, 2021 Share Posted October 1, 2021 (edited) 11 hours ago, M4RT1N said: I really feel a connection between the 2 of us. Woah steady on -you’ve got from zero to a million here . You’ve jumped from both feeling a connection to potential ruining lives families and careers by going down the path of a full blown affair. You sound like a decent guy ( aside from the sleeping on the sofa of a guy whose wife youre trying to get with) . Agree with others -she’s using you maybe not deliberately ( I’m being kind here) : you came into her life at a time she was/is having problems in her marriage-don’t misunderstood this for wanting to leave her family and ride off into the sunset with you . She’s giving you crumbs and actually not even that anymore she probably thinks you’ll get the hint whatever you started is over -take the hint my friend . My advice is don’t seek explanation from her for her behaviour-it won’t give you the closure maybe you think it will -that comes from you and it will by moving on to find a relationship with someone free to have fun with you without the craziness and heartache that comes from a relationship with a married person . Good luck Edited October 1, 2021 by Snakesalive Link to post Share on other sites
glows Posted October 1, 2021 Share Posted October 1, 2021 (edited) 14 hours ago, M4RT1N said: I told her that I felt a connection between the 2 of us and wanted to spend more time with her out of work when possible. ... I want to speak to her about what she wants/feels/thinks but I don’t want to do it over text or phone or in work and I don’t want to ruin it as well as I really feel a connection between the 2 of us. What’s should I do? It's best not to say anything. She's married and still living with her spouse. This is a dead end for you but you're not seeing it that way. You saw her rocky marriage as an opportunity to forward this friendship and flirting with her but finding yourself on the couch of a married couple after having made out with the cheating spouse might suggest you get off on this sort of thing and find it exciting. Saying anything is more exciting for you because it's even more inappropriate plus you get to have more interaction and push for a response from a person you should not be flirting or speaking to in that way in the first place. If you do sense a connection or care at all about her it would be better to leave this (it is not an option) and find single and available women to date. I agree with the comment that she's getting her kicks out of this just as you are if she allowed the above to happen. It's all a joke so don't get serious or ask questions now. Neither of you treat this as anything worthwhile or are treating each other well or thinking of each others' best interests. If you think you have deeper feelings for her, end it and keep it professional at work. Edited October 1, 2021 by glows Link to post Share on other sites
Lotsgoingon Posted October 1, 2021 Share Posted October 1, 2021 If you want to experience some thrill and tons of pain and chaos and anxiety and delusion, pursue her. If you want sanity, a good relationship, balance, the possibility for real intimacy and closeness--and an equal open relationship, look elsewhere. OK, let me be frank: getting involved with this married woman is a terrible idea. Absolutely terrible for ten different reasons, including that you work closely with her. But mainly because you're right now already putting yourself down and working around her schedule and agenda. Why aren't you out there dating other people? 4 Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted October 1, 2021 Share Posted October 1, 2021 13 hours ago, M4RT1N said: If you read it again my friend you’ll realise that I didn’t come onto her she came onto me and she wanted an affair and she has told me recently that she still wants to leave her husband and she is not in love with him anymore and she is unhappy being with him and if her husband did say that why does she still text me n call me. In this case you tell her you'd love to date her when she gets divorced. TBH, do you really want to get involved with a cheater? I doubt you're the first guy she's locked lips with since being married. If you were to become her husband this is the type of behavior you can expect from her. Cheating on you. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Lotsgoingon Posted October 1, 2021 Share Posted October 1, 2021 15 hours ago, M4RT1N said: About half way through the night we were outside smoking/vaping and she asked me if I wanted to kiss her so obviously I did and we kissed for me it was good. What's up with this "obviously"? Obviously, to me, you should NOT have kissed her--she's married. Obviously, I do not want to kiss a married person.--I don't care if she asks for it. And obviously, I don't want to kiss a married coworker while apparently outside when other coworkers are just inside. And obviously, I don't want to kiss a married woman on the spur of the moment--that's like hopping into the car with a drunk driver on the spur of the moment. You're acting like a 15-year-old. Teenagers do dumb stuff just because the opportunity arises. But you're an adult. Adults can think beyond the immediate pleasure of the kiss to the longer term results of getting involved with a married person. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Bonifidelifelover Posted October 1, 2021 Share Posted October 1, 2021 (edited) 22 hours ago, M4RT1N said: If you read it again my friend you’ll realise that I didn’t come onto her she came onto me and she wanted an affair and she has told me recently that she still wants to leave her husband and she is not in love with him anymore and she is unhappy being with him and if her husband did say that why does she still text me n call me. You do realize the role she is in is typically the married man role, yet she’s a woman. They’re fewer than married men but there are women who do this. It’s a Game she’s playing, she gets off on it, it makes her feel good pumps her up she strings u along just like married men do. Only this time the roles are reversed. It’s simple. There’s ur answer. You continuing to bother with her keeps her excited. Yet she won’t fully make the commitment because she wants to stay with her husband otherwise she’d leave. She has kids. Fully engaging with u Jeopardizes her family Edited October 1, 2021 by Bonifidelifelover 1 Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted October 2, 2021 Share Posted October 2, 2021 On 10/1/2021 at 2:31 AM, M4RT1N said: every time I’ve tried to get her to meet me out of work there’s always been some reason why she can’t n whenever we’re texting or talking and I turn the topic to us she either doesn’t respond or changes the subject This is your answer that she's done with her little extra-marital fling. You need to take the hint, man. On 10/1/2021 at 2:31 AM, M4RT1N said: me being a gentleman Yes, very gentlemanly to make out with another man's wife and then go and sleep on his couch while he's upstairs. Come on, OP. You're fooling nobpdy but yourself with "I'm a gentleman." You most certainly were not. Look, whatever fun you two had is over now. She was having a rough patch in her marriage and you were a convenient distraction but that's all it was. Leave her be and donìt make a pest of yourself. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted October 2, 2021 Share Posted October 2, 2021 On 10/1/2021 at 2:23 AM, M4RT1N said: If you read it again my friend you’ll realise that I didn’t come onto her she came onto me and she wanted an affair and she has told me recently that she still wants to leave her husband and she is not in love with him anymore and she is unhappy being with him and if her husband did say that why does she still text me n call me. Go read some of the stories written by Other Women as regards how MM treat them. You may be a man but you are in a similar role. This married woman is feeding you the same lines. This is not some great love affair, you are not "special". She is a woman with kids who had a fling with you. She will likely not want to leave in reality no matter how much she complained to you about her man. As she is now shutting you down, then listen to her. There is nothing here to fight for. Let it go. Link to post Share on other sites
deepthinking Posted October 2, 2021 Share Posted October 2, 2021 (edited) tell her to come back if she is ever single - i have known some who did maybe they are too broke to split into 2 homes - but my 2 cents is that her marriage may not be great but she stays there Edited October 2, 2021 by deepthinking Link to post Share on other sites
HadMeOverABarrel Posted October 2, 2021 Share Posted October 2, 2021 On 9/30/2021 at 9:23 PM, M4RT1N said: If you read it again my friend you’ll realise that I didn’t come onto her she came onto me and she wanted an affair and she has told me recently that she still wants to leave her husband and she is not in love with him anymore and she is unhappy being with him and if her husband did say that why does she still text me n call me. It doesn't really matter who came onto who, does it? Even if she did all the pursuing initially, she's done now. You're struggling to accept it because you are feeling rejected. Maybe you told yourself you're so much better than her husband but her actions are showing you she has chosen her husband over you. I think you are struggling to accept the feelings of her choosing him over you. In any case, where exactly did you think this was going? She's married. The cardinal rule is to tell the married person to contact you for a relationship once they have divorced and not a moment sooner. That's what you should do if she starts to hoover you back. Also, have some self-respect to not take seconds from another man's wife. Lastly, work place affairs are a good way to blow up your professional life besides your personal life. Don't make this mistake again. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
anika99 Posted October 3, 2021 Share Posted October 3, 2021 She is using you for some ego strokes and fun. Being a wife and mother can be pretty mundane she flirts with you to spice up her otherwise boring life. Does she make enough money to support herself and her two kids in the lifestyle she's used to? If not then you were planning to support her family? Like seriously, how do you see this working out? Link to post Share on other sites
mark clemson Posted October 4, 2021 Share Posted October 4, 2021 As with almost any romantic situation - if the person shows you they are genuinely uninterested in a relationship at the same level of intensity/connection that you are, then it's almost always useless to "chase" them hoping for more. Better to look for greener pastures instead of wasting one's time for too long... Link to post Share on other sites
Distraught1 Posted October 15, 2021 Share Posted October 15, 2021 (edited) On 9/30/2021 at 7:31 PM, M4RT1N said: 3 months have passed since and we have still been talking/texting/flirting she even asked me to help her write a couple of letters which I did n I told her I spent a few hours on them and she was blown away by them and really great full but every time I’ve tried to get her to meet me out of work there’s always been some reason why she can’t n whenever we’re texting or talking and I turn the topic to us she either doesn’t respond or changes the subject I want to speak to her about what she wants/feels/thinks but I don’t want to do it over text or phone or in work and I don’t want to ruin it as well as I really feel a connection between the 2 of us. What’s should I do? Don't get mixed up in this any longer. It's been three months since this one night of kissing. She probably REALLY likes your attention but has no intentions of anything more. As a single man, please go find someone that is available to you that can kiss you, flirt, text and meet you out - willingly. Honestly, even if she says she's into you are you wanting/willing to be a daddy to her two children? Go meet someone that doesn't have this baggage and start anew. This is futile and will not provide you long term happiness. You are wasting your time and mental energy on the wrong person. Go find a wonderful women that makes you feel more than second best and make sure you love this person, not just lust, before committing your life to them. Edited October 15, 2021 by Distraught1 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts