Cassie234 Posted October 1, 2021 Share Posted October 1, 2021 I'm currently dating my girlfriend (6 months) and the only time we are fighting are about one of my friend. I met this friend online and we are online buddy. He was my best friend and we were really close. There is is strong relationship between us. I had feelings for him but we decided to stay friends. And now my girlfriend is jealous of him. She is asking me to cut ties with him. I explained many time that nothing happened and that we are just friends. She cannot seem to understand and asked me before to choose between him and her. Problem is I don't want to block him since that's a close friend and I don't want to loose her. What do you guys think? Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted October 1, 2021 Share Posted October 1, 2021 59 minutes ago, Cassie234 said: I had feelings for him but we decided to stay friends. How does she know you have feelings for him? She may not be cut out to date someone bisexual who maintains friendships with former crushes. At 24 weeks dating it seems you are incompatible with her. She can't tell you who to talk to or be friends with, so you'll have to end it. In the future, decide who are friends and who are love interests. Try to focus on one person or don't be exclusive and play the "we're just friends" game. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Cassie234 Posted October 1, 2021 Author Share Posted October 1, 2021 24 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said: How does she know you have feelings for him? She may not be cut out to date someone bisexual who maintains friendships with former crushes. At 24 weeks dating it seems you are incompatible with her. She can't tell you who to talk to or be friends with, so you'll have to end it. In the future, decide who are friends and who are love interests. Try to focus on one person or don't be exclusive and play the "we're just friends" game. She knows but that's in the past, I had feelings for him before I met her. And when I met her it was already over since we decided to be friend me and him. I thank you for your answer! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Sun Seeker Posted October 1, 2021 Share Posted October 1, 2021 (edited) If you had feelings for him before then that's even more of a reason you need to cut all ties with him. You are basically saying your relationship with him is more important than your relationship with your girlfriend. Past romantic relations should never take priority over your current relationship. Your girlfriend is not jealous she just has very good boundaries and I completely agree with her. If you don't want to drop this 'friend' from your life then you should break up. Edited October 1, 2021 by Sun Seeker 2 1 Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted October 1, 2021 Share Posted October 1, 2021 If you had feelings for him in the past but now you are with her, she fears that he can give you things she can't. If you have any prayer of keeping the friendship, you will need to be a lot more transparent with her when he's involved. Let her see him / meet him. Don't drone on about him. Reduce the amount of interactions you have with him. Do things to prove that she's the most important person in your life. In short reassure her but you can stop short of getting him out of your life. But there may come a time when you have to choose. From her perspective this friendship is a ruse. You are an orbiter in his life, waiting in the wings until he wakes up & realizes how much he likes you. She feels like the person you are killing time with until then. 1 1 Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted October 1, 2021 Share Posted October 1, 2021 I don't blame your gf for being upset considering you like this guy before you got with her. Sorry but you need to chose which one is most important to you and let the other one go. Stop straddling the fence. 1 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Nothanks Posted October 1, 2021 Share Posted October 1, 2021 She is asking you to cut ties to feel safe in your relationship. You had feelings for him so her request is understandable. You have to decide if you want her more than your friendship. Please don’t try to make her request seem unreasonable. It isn’t. I know you want both but that does not appear to be an option. If your friend is a good one, he will understand. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
kendahke Posted October 6, 2021 Share Posted October 6, 2021 Be fair. Would you like this to be done to you? Link to post Share on other sites
glows Posted October 6, 2021 Share Posted October 6, 2021 On 10/1/2021 at 2:27 AM, Cassie234 said: I'm currently dating my girlfriend (6 months) and the only time we are fighting are about one of my friend. I met this friend online and we are online buddy. He was my best friend and we were really close. There is is strong relationship between us. I had feelings for him but we decided to stay friends. And now my girlfriend is jealous of him. She is asking me to cut ties with him. I explained many time that nothing happened and that we are just friends. She cannot seem to understand and asked me before to choose between him and her. Problem is I don't want to block him since that's a close friend and I don't want to loose her. What do you guys think? Have you met this online buddy? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Cassie234 Posted October 6, 2021 Author Share Posted October 6, 2021 No never. We are just texting online, he is from the other side of the world Link to post Share on other sites
Author Cassie234 Posted October 6, 2021 Author Share Posted October 6, 2021 13 hours ago, kendahke said: Be fair. Would you like this to be done to you? Well I don't mind as long I have her assurance that there is nothing. I trust her Link to post Share on other sites
flitzanu Posted October 6, 2021 Share Posted October 6, 2021 if you've never met this person then it shouldn't be this difficult to make a decision. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
smackie9 Posted October 6, 2021 Share Posted October 6, 2021 So you are saying you had feelings for him last year. Sorry but no matter that's still pretty fresh. There are some things you need to give up in order to go forward with your life. This is one of them. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted October 6, 2021 Share Posted October 6, 2021 1 hour ago, flitzanu said: if you've never met this person then it shouldn't be this difficult to make a decision. I agree with this. If this guy is on the other half of the world and you've never met why do you need to keep chatting with him when your gf doesn't like it. Is it that you like male attention? I'm sure that's what your gf must be thinking. Link to post Share on other sites
kendahke Posted October 8, 2021 Share Posted October 8, 2021 (edited) On 10/6/2021 at 12:27 PM, Cassie234 said: Well I don't mind as long I have her assurance that there is nothing. I trust her Non sequitur. That's not what I asked you. Thing is: there is something between you and this guy on the other side of the globe you've never met in person--so much so that you're willing to disregard how this looks to her and how it makes her feel in order to maintain, cultivate and groom it. You've invested emotion and intimacy with a virtual ghost and she can't compete with that.. he's taking up too much real estate in your intimacy--where she should be the only occupant--and your imagination, since that's where this whatever it is you think you have with him lives. That is going to lead to resentment on her part. This is how you destroy relationships. Selfishness doesn't belong in healthy relationships. Edited October 8, 2021 by kendahke Link to post Share on other sites
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