Anyone else been single this long?

[dramafreezone]

On 10/2/2021 at 11:14 AM, despairingbuttrying said:

I've been on many dates over these years, I can never find someone who I want to pursue and have a connection and vice versa.  All the women that are interested in me, I'm not into and the few ones I'm into, aren't into me. That's the issue. Perhaps I thought I'm being too picky so a few years ago, I dated a girl who was keen on me for a few months who I found attractive but had no real connection with and I knew that from early on but I carried on thinking that might develop as she was really into me as well. It never did.  Perhaps I thought I need to lower my standards, so I was very close friends with another lady more recently who I had an amazing connection with, many similar interests but no physical attraction.  She was very keen so I gave that a go for many months because I thought the physical attraction would develop but of course it never did.  

So yeah I know I simply need to love and embrace my singleness fully. I want to be at peace with my current situation and circumstances. I need to somehow overcome this thought that I've failed because I've barely had a relationship these past several years. I can't settle, I have to be being hopeful that one day it will happen. 

Without knowing you I would guess that you treat the women you're interested with far more deference than you do these other women, correct?  This used to be a big problem with me.  It is a bad look because it appears as if you're offering kindness for her company.

I think it helps to try to treat everyone the same before you get to know them, treat everyone kindly.  That's a lot easier said than done when you have a high level of attraction to a woman I know.  But you don't know anything about her other than she looks good and she has a nice personality.  She hasn't really done anything to deserve different treatment.  And look at it from her point of view, she's saying I haven't even done anything and he's already wrapped around my finger?  Not attractive.

On 10/5/2021 at 5:25 AM, Foxhall said:

I notice my gf is bossy in certain ways, if we get to living together permanently, I will have to change my lifestyle,

for instance I like to watch the American golf on a sunday night, but she is already saying that will not be happening if we live together, no tv after 11pm and so on,

I am thinking wtf , but that or little things like that are the price of company I suppose.

Oh man, you better run for the hills, unless you like the idea of a second mother.  No companionship is worth someone telling you when you can and can't watch TV.  You better believe it won't stop with TV.

Edited October 7, 2021 by dramafreezone

[Foxhall]

15 hours ago, dramafreezone said:

No companionship is worth someone telling you when you can and can't watch TV. 

Yes could be far from plain sailing,

I like @Wiseman2suggestion on it- that may be the best plan.

[Mysterio]

Looking back at the arc of my life and how I have been single and attached.  This is the timeline from 18 to 50

PMc 1989. TK 1990/ CS 1995/DS 1997/ 2000 TM/ 2003-JO/NF. 2006 -J/2012-DD. 2013-AK. 2015-T/2020-JD.  Thats who I was physical and it varied on how long we stayed together.  

At 50.  I can't see myself getting married with kids.  Something would have to change drastically.  Like a great woman drops into my life and charms me into a LTR with her.  

I think I want an LTR, more to get to out of dating than some big love life.  I just find it really hard to connect with women romantically these days.  They all seem to want to have some super high octane romantic adventure all the time.  Being is boring to them.  

[vla1120]

My daughter is 37 and still single. It has been 7 years since she has been in a relationship. We were talking the other day and she told me that she has gotten to a point where she doesn't even want to look anymore. She has her routine. Introducing someone else into her routine would only throw everything off course. She also does not want to have to take someone else into consideration when making even the smallest decision. Right now, everything is on her terms and she likes it that way.  Me? I was married for 32 years the first time (divorced), then married again and he passed in June 2020. I thought I was lonely, but I've taken a page out of my daughter's book and I like not having to take someone else into consideration in life. I can do what I want when I want. If I ever date again, he's going to have to be someone pretty awesome and he'll have pretty much drop in my lap, because I won't be looking. 😉

[Mysterio]

I guess that for me.  What I don't like about being single is a lack of physical affection.  If I could overcome that.  I could be at ease with being single.  I also can't just slide into a Hooker situation as well.  So for me its Dating when it comes my way.  Hoping for a LTR.  When I look at the men and women.  It feels like the women have way more options to date.  Most of the men that I know that are single, don't have major suitors vying for their romantic affections.  

 

[chillii]

58 minutes ago, Mysterio said:

I guess that for me.  What I don't like about being single is a lack of physical affection.  If I could overcome that.  I could be at ease with being single.  I also can't just slide into a Hooker situation as well.  So for me its Dating when it comes my way.  Hoping for a LTR.  When I look at the men and women.  It feels like the women have way more options to date.  Most of the men that I know that are single, don't have major suitors vying for their romantic affections.  

 

l still say and always have , l think it's harder for women especially later on. Sure they can get dates, if guys ask them out , many don't get that just read around here. Or as with Via's daughter single a long time and given up , l've known and come across plenty of women in that situation.

Guys always think women have so many options , well if they have so many options why are they still single and going out with you then, or him or the other guy. Most of the single women right in this forum are exhausted from all of it haven't you read the 100s of stpries and threads and the troubles they have? Or just ask any women on date sites, heard plenty of stories sounds like a nightmare, and if it's all so easy for them then why are most women on at least 2 or 3 dating sites some of them 4 or 5, and often for yrs and yrs.. So nope , from my experience all round , it def' isn't any easier for most women , not to find that special relationship anyway, no way.

 

 

 

 

Edited October 15, 2021 by chillii

[salparadise]

6 hours ago, chillii said:

Guys always think women have so many options , well if they have so many options why are they still single and going out with you then, or him or the other guy.

Mostly because they haven't chosen anyone yet. Or in their terminology, haven't found a man who meets their standards.

For the most part, men just want a reasonably attractive, reliable, agreeable mate who is approximately on par with them in terms of social hierarchy (or not), while women are usually striving to maximize (they can't help it, it's what they do). This leaves men scratching their heads, wondering why it’s so damn hard to find a nice woman to settle down and be happy with… and women wondering why the vast majority of men don’t meet their standards, which they deem to be perfectly reasonable... you know, knights in shining armor, white horses, glass slippers, etc. 

Remember, eighty percent of men are below average, and of the remainder, most are not actually datable for one reason or another. No woman wants a man that's just a little above average. Sure, they get to be the choosers but that doesn't mean there are enough five-percenters to go around.

 

Edited October 15, 2021 by salparadise

[Acacia98]

On 10/5/2021 at 8:36 PM, Wiseman2 said:

Sharing a bathroom or TV should be a universal no-no. Make sure you have a separate TV and room to watch it in. Then whoever wants to go to bed early can and whoever wants to watch TV can.

If you have at least a separate 1/2 bath you can keep it like a gas station toilet, read your phone on the can etc. She can keep the other bathroom smelling nice and take baths etc. The moral of the story is do not share a TV or a toilet if you want peace.

😆 Great advice!

[dramafreezone]

9 hours ago, chillii said:

Guys always think women have so many options , well if they have so many options why are they still single and going out with you then, or him or the other guy. Most of the single women right in this forum are exhausted from all of it haven't you read the 100s of stpries and threads and the troubles they have? Or just ask any women on date sites, heard plenty of stories sounds like a nightmare, and if it's all so easy for them then why are most women on at least 2 or 3 dating sites some of them 4 or 5, and often for yrs and yrs.. So nope , from my experience all round , it def' isn't any easier for most women , not to find that special relationship anyway, no way.

 

Well, there's a distinction to be made here.  Women certainly have more suitors than men do, but this doesn't mean more options.

If a woman has say 20 suitors (i.e. men willing to date her) but she wouldn't date any of them, then in that sense she doesn't have any options amongst them.  Just because they are interested in her doesn't make them a viable option for her.  Their road to getting more options is a lot simpler though, simply loosen her criteria, and the options would increase.  It's not that simple for majority of men.

I think many women look at the top 5-10% of men that get a ton of attention from women and think that this subset is representative of men in general, and that's just not reality.  I think a good 80% of men have to go out there and "hunt" or they just won't have any type of sex/relationship life at all.

[chillii]

6 hours ago, salparadise said:

Mostly because they haven't chosen anyone yet. Or in their terminology, haven't found a man who meets their standards.

For the most part, men just want a reasonably attractive, reliable, agreeable mate who is approximately on par with them in terms of social hierarchy (or not), while women are usually striving to maximize (they can't help it, it's what they do). This leaves men scratching their heads, wondering why it’s so damn hard to find a nice woman to settle down and be happy with… and women wondering why the vast majority of men don’t meet their standards, which they deem to be perfectly reasonable... you know, knights in shining armor, white horses, glass slippers, etc. 

Remember, eighty percent of men are below average, and of the remainder, most are not actually datable for one reason or another. No woman wants a man that's just a little above average. Sure, they get to be the choosers but that doesn't mean there are enough five-percenters to go around.

 

 

Yeah l dunno about that , not what l've seen over the yrs at all, over and over. And l'd want far more than just that myself too but that also seems to go for most guys from all the many stories even around here but in RL too that l hear from women.  l look around and 80% of women are below average too , matter of fact average in women is very very low if anything even on date sites, very low once your in the 40s-50s.

l've known guys that go out with dozens of women or often have 2 or 3 at any one time that would like to become involved but they aren't interested and still looking , or just not interested in anything heavier at all with anyone. Matter of fact most common complaint l heard from women back in the day l was on a date site , was that men were only after one  thing and no one was interested in a relationship. Hear that a lot around here too, soooo, don't know. Not what l see and hear at all tbh.

 

 

 

 

Edited October 15, 2021 by chillii

[chillii]

ps

Although one thing l'd 100% agree with you guys on which l def' noticed myself after divorce, expectations. Mysterio used the term some big love and oddly, immediately reading that l thought yeah , noticed that too.  l mean we'd all love that big love but theirs was way above that, unrealistic given their time in life and being mostly 20yrs older kids in tow and a  far far cry from 25 anymore. Yet many expected after all these yrs and at this stage in their lives to find something like out of a movie . l noticed it a lot back when.

Edited October 16, 2021 by chillii