Guy I am dating is suffering from ED and wants to be alone.

[Skittle2021]

28 minutes ago, poppyfields said:

From your original post:

>>The first weekend he came back from his trip, we were supposed to meet up but h said he was feeling really sick and cancelled saying that he needed to get a cover test. So we didn't see each other that week and planned to see each other the following week. The next week he calls me the day of our date to tell me that a family member ended up in the hospital and he had to drive his mother out of town to be with that family member. Of course I understood and told him id still like to see him. he agreed but then called later on that night to tell me he wasn't going to be able to make it because he was tired. I was disappointed so I left it alone. I rescheduled till the next week, this time he calls me on Thursday to tell me his grandfather died. I didnt expect to see him so I asked if he was still planning on seeing each other given the situation and he said yes. The day of the date, he called 1/2 before our date to tell me he wasn't going to be able to make it at the time he said he was. When I asked him what time, he then started to say he didnt know and blah blah, at that point I didnt even want to hear it, I told him to forget it and I got off the phone. 

So these excuses were all legit? To me, they sound like a man on his way OUT (of the RL).

But even if they were valid (massive IF imo), none of them prevented him from seeing you IF HE WANTED TO, except maybe the first one (being sick) assuming it's even true.

I am wondering with his last excuse, in bold, why did you become so exasperated and didn't want to hear it, told him "forget it" and hung up the phone"?

What was that about?

Anyway, I gotta run, but since you are unable to accept it's over and done, I hope it all works out, I truly do.

Good luck.

I don't have to agree with everything that you say. I take advice from these forums with a grain of salt especially since my last post all the badgering I received and 98% of the advice and opinions were DEAD wrong. I have said more than once that I was done with this. Stop putting your assumptions on me. I didn't say anything about not being able to accept it was over. That is your words and you trying to apply them to me. No I dont think he cheated or anything like that. He is struggling with his mental health and now with clarity, he can have his space permanently. That is it. 

[poppyfields]

19 minutes ago, Skittle2021 said:

I don't have to agree with everything that you say. 

You are 100% correct, you don't have to agree with anything I or anyone said.

However, you created this thread seeking opinions and advice and that is what I and others have done.  We have taken time out of our busy day to provide our insight (based on what we ourselves have learned and experienced) whatever that may be.

You are free to ignore, no skin off my nose, I promise.

But there is no need to be disrespectful to me or any of us, we are here to help you.  Or try. 

Your harsh tone accusing me of "assuming."  No I am not assuming, again I based my opinion on what I have learned over the years, my own experience and reading tons of books on interpersonal relationships, male/female behavior and the like.   

Nor has anyone "badgered" you, not even sure where that came from.

Might I be wrong?  Absolutely!  None of us are mind readers.  Perhaps a bit more perceptive and intuitive than another might be, but certainly not psychic.

Again, you are absolutely free to ignore it.

This will be my last post, take care.

Edited October 5, 2021 by poppyfields

[ExpatInItaly]

7 hours ago, Skittle2021 said:

I guess even if we weren't compatible I felt we could still be close friends

This is just not realistic in most cases. 

It would hurt you too much to be friends with someone who isn't interested in dating you anymore, and would prevent you from really moving forward. You would also run the risk of eventually hearing that he is dating again, and it would sting something fierce. 

It's going to be so much better to leave him in your past. I have a feeling, given the incompatibilities you cited, that it won't take you long to feel better about this break-up. It doesn't sound like it was that stellar of a match for you. 

[Skittle2021]

11 minutes ago, ExpatInItaly said:

This is just not realistic in most cases. 

It would hurt you too much to be friends with someone who isn't interested in dating you anymore, and would prevent you from really moving forward. You would also run the risk of eventually hearing that he is dating again, and it would sting something fierce. 

It's going to be so much better to leave him in your past. I have a feeling, given the incompatibilities you cited, that it won't take you long to feel better about this break-up. It doesn't sound like it was that stellar of a match for you. 

Thank you. I already feel better about it. I know everything happens for a reason. Thank you for your compassion. 

[Lotsgoingon]

Well I'm glad you got out of this relationship. I know it's strange, but really you do not want to be with someone who cannot show up, whether that's because they have a dying parent or depression or an impossible job. Wait til they have time. Don't excuse for pretty much any reason.

And the logic here is this: a huge amount of time (and I speak from first-hand experience and I later learned I was part of a big pattern) ... a HUGE amount of the time, I found reasonable excuses for not meeting with someone because (and I didn't always know this at the time) I wasn't really that into them.

When I started to date people I was really into, guess what? I could show up, despite depression, busy job, ailing parents, traveling out of town to deal with ailing parents or whatever.  So you NEVER want to assume that the excuses are other than lack of interest or lack of ability to be in an intimate relationship. 

And btw: I later had the same experience with several women. The women who couldn't show up ALWAYS had some reasons. But over time it  became clear there was only one reason: lack of strong, passionate interest.

Dating someone you are really excited about is like eating dessert. No matter full your life is, you will find room and time to get together with them because doing so is out-of-this-world pleasurable (literally intoxicating) and because the relationship is a huge priority.

 

 

 

[Daisydooks]

4 hours ago, Skittle2021 said:

But this what y’all don’t understand.x he did not treat me badly. His excuses at first were valid. At the bachelor party he still maintained through the entire time he was gone. 
 

And yes we did have sex and to be honest he had issues with that. He wasn’t rock hard.  He lasted for less than a minute, condom slipped off because he couldn’t stay hard and it was just a disaster. So knowing that, him not being able to get it up at all now doesn’t seem far fetched to me as it seems he’s may have been suffering from this back then. His sex drive has always been pretty much non existent. 

It sounds like he has ED, no doubt and I dont doubt that he does. I ended a relationship as a young Daisydooks many moons ago because of an ED issue. It wasnt that I couldn't work with ED. I couldn't work around the BS behaviour that came with it. My ex had zero desire to get help that was readily available. He often "forgot" or cancelled appts made for ED because he got nervous and it became clear he wanted to either blame me, get mad and start an argument before his appt so he wouldnt go, or take months after cancelling to make a new appt. It was obvious he wanted it to remain a problem. 

Where *I* feel he wasnt treating you properly was in his cancelling on you sometimes at the last minute, blamong you for his ED (which was an issue before you ever mentioned it and before he went to the bachelor party,) and just overall not respecting your time. He may have been sweet when together before everything went to crap, but he became someone who was full of excuses who didnt want to see you who then blamed you in full for his ED issues. Not fair at all. He clearly had ED before you based on the post Im currently replying to as I assume this happened before the bachelor party 

[spiderowl]

I am sorry to hear what happened, OP.

To be honest, I doubt it was just ED that caused this.  Something happened at the bachelor party, maybe he met someone else or, a possibility, someone humiliated him sexually in some way.

You have been understanding towards him and he is ignoring you and pushing you away.  I think he may be right and he is ill.  It could be depression.  Whatever it is though I don't think you can help here.  He wants space to do his own thing and resolve it however he wants.

I'm sorry.

[Skittle2021]

1 hour ago, Lotsgoingon said:

Well I'm glad you got out of this relationship. I know it's strange, but really you do not want to be with someone who cannot show up, whether that's because they have a dying parent or depression or an impossible job. Wait til they have time. Don't excuse for pretty much any reason.

And the logic here is this: a huge amount of time (and I speak from first-hand experience and I later learned I was part of a big pattern) ... a HUGE amount of the time, I found reasonable excuses for not meeting with someone because (and I didn't always know this at the time) I wasn't really that into them.

When I started to date people I was really into, guess what? I could show up, despite depression, busy job, ailing parents, traveling out of town to deal with ailing parents or whatever.  So you NEVER want to assume that the excuses are other than lack of interest or lack of ability to be in an intimate relationship. 

And btw: I later had the same experience with several women. The women who couldn't show up ALWAYS had some reasons. But over time it  became clear there was only one reason: lack of strong, passionate interest.

Dating someone you are really excited about is like eating dessert. No matter full your life is, you will find room and time to get together with them because doing so is out-of-this-world pleasurable (literally intoxicating) and because the relationship is a huge priority.

 

 

 

Thank you! I appreciate that and i totally agree with you about being excited about someone you are into. He wasn’t ready for a relationship and that’s clear as well.

[Skittle2021]

35 minutes ago, Daisydooks said:

It sounds like he has ED, no doubt and I dont doubt that he does. I ended a relationship as a young Daisydooks many moons ago because of an ED issue. It wasnt that I couldn't work with ED. I couldn't work around the BS behaviour that came with it. My ex had zero desire to get help that was readily available. He often "forgot" or cancelled appts made for ED because he got nervous and it became clear he wanted to either blame me, get mad and start an argument before his appt so he wouldnt go, or take months after cancelling to make a new appt. It was obvious he wanted it to remain a problem. 

Where *I* feel he wasnt treating you properly was in his cancelling on you sometimes at the last minute, blamong you for his ED (which was an issue before you ever mentioned it and before he went to the bachelor party,) and just overall not respecting your time. He may have been sweet when together before everything went to crap, but he became someone who was full of excuses who didnt want to see you who then blamed you in full for his ED issues. Not fair at all. He clearly had ED before you based on the post Im currently replying to as I assume this happened before the bachelor party 

I agree with you. I do think he had this issue long before me. The alcohol abuse he engaged in at the bachelor party probably caused more damage the he expected. This is something he will have to deal with now and I hope he gets help for his sake and for others whom he may get involved with in the future. 

[Skittle2021]

18 minutes ago, spiderowl said:

I am sorry to hear what happened, OP.

To be honest, I doubt it was just ED that caused this.  Something happened at the bachelor party, maybe he met someone else or, a possibility, someone humiliated him sexually in some way.

You have been understanding towards him and he is ignoring you and pushing you away.  I think he may be right and he is ill.  It could be depression.  Whatever it is though I don't think you can help here.  He wants space to do his own thing and resolve it however he wants.

I'm sorry.

I agree. I think you may have hit something with the embarrassment sexually. That is highly likely and if that is the case I know he wouldn’t tell me that. That would mean that he attempted to violate the exclusive arrangement that we had. Only he knows the truth. What goes around comes around so if he is lying about his condition….

[spiderowl]

7 hours ago, Wiseman2 said:

He has friends and family and doctors he can talk to. Also going to a bachelor party doesn't sound like someone you have to talk off the ledge.

You made the right call ending things. Whatever his situation is, you may never know.

This is true, he has others he can go to if he really wants help.  The problem with smokers though is that they don't go to their doctors for help because they don't want to be told they need to give up smoking!  They already know that.  

I don't know if you smoke, OP, but if you don't, I would advise you not to date smokers.  They are addicted to a substance.  They get ratty and unpleasant when they cannot get that drug.  They avoid getting any help where the subject of giving up smoking might crop up, so they avoid getting help full stop.  You would be stuck with someone who has multiple problems, yet avoids seeking help.  Your ex was self-medicating in lots of ways.

I don't know what the solution to all this is.  Maybe health professionals should be told never to mention smoking, in order to encourage people who may have other health problems to come to see them.  What I do know, is that until your ex is so ill that he is forced to seek help, you would be stranded with someone who is going round in circles trying to self-medicate any distress away.  In a way, even if he was ill and not being or thinking of being unfaithful, you are better off out of this relationship, because there is nothing you can do for him.

 

 

Edited October 6, 2021 by spiderowl

[spiderowl]

1 hour ago, Skittle2021 said:

I agree. I think you may have hit something with the embarrassment sexually. That is highly likely and if that is the case I know he wouldn’t tell me that. That would mean that he attempted to violate the exclusive arrangement that we had. Only he knows the truth. What goes around comes around so if he is lying about his condition….

It is quite possible that, at a bachelor party, some male was cavorting around with a woman/women in his view and that male was clearly not suffering from ED.  That alone might have made him despair.  Having said that, if that were the case, only he can take himself for help with his condition.  He probably won't, for reasons I mentioned in a separate post, but the situation is out of your control and unless he invites you back into it, I wouldn't bother.  He has so many problems that you would be getting into a difficult situation anyway.

[ExpatInItaly]

4 hours ago, Skittle2021 said:

I think you may have hit something with the embarrassment sexually. That is highly likely and if that is the case I know he wouldn’t tell me that. That would mean that he attempted to violate the exclusive arrangement that we had.

That is very possible. 

I would not be at all surprised if he tried to sleep with one of the strippers (or someone else entirely) and couldn't physically perform. Something definitely changed for him that weekend, and I highly doubt it was all down to being unable to get an erection at the mere sight of a naked woman or another man who was visibly aroused. 

His reaction (avoiding you and then breaking up with you) is too strong for me to believe that's all there was to it. Shame for being unable to perform and guilt for cheating is a lot more plausible. 

[beentheredonethat77]

 

Skittle so sorry you're going through this.  

Ive had a lot of experience with dating men with mental health issues (and or ED).  I think he absolutely suffers from both, as you know. 

At first i thought his string of excuses were all sounding a lot like someone trying to fade out.. but i think he was struggling. 

I think he suffers from severe anxiety and despite your best attempts to be a wonderful, supportive girlfriend .. his reality is that he has addictions and embarrassing medical condition/s that you only serve to highlight more (you are not to blame).  IF he stays alone and avoids you and the world he can smoke, drink, ignore his erection issues and not have to deal with them.

The fact he is blameshifting on to you, and even the tone that he used for his final break up message scream of someone who needs you to be somewhat of a bad guy right now so he can guiltlessly pull away.   He needs to believe you add to the issues/ perhaps pressuring him so he can rest assuredly he made the right choice to step away.  These false beliefs allow him to take the easy, comfortle, self-isolation road... be alone and indulge in his addictions/issues and not seek help or worse.. answer to you / need to try to perform/ face you with his shame.    Im in the camp that something may have happened at bachelor party -- i think probably tried to get a blow job from stripper and couldn't perform.. something definitely happened that weekend (doubt it was just seeing another man/girl) -- but of course thats all speculation, just a hunch.    

I feel sorry for the dude but it doesn't sound like he wants any help.. nor to even help himself.   Although may be this time alone he will, but likely he just wants to self induldge in pity and vices ... only he will know when hes ready to sort himself out.   Your love and care and energy is going to be so much more appreciated by a healthy, available man.

I think he'll be back when hes feeling better, im sensing you're strong enough to resist getting into a cycle with him as he'll inevitably cycle back into depression/issues again too. 

YOu're too good for him and im glad you realize this. 

 

[Skittle2021]

7 hours ago, spiderowl said:

This is true, he has others he can go to if he really wants help.  The problem with smokers though is that they don't go to their doctors for help because they don't want to be told they need to give up smoking!  They already know that.  

I don't know if you smoke, OP, but if you don't, I would advise you not to date smokers.  They are addicted to a substance.  They get ratty and unpleasant when they cannot get that drug.  They avoid getting any help where the subject of giving up smoking might crop up, so they avoid getting help full stop.  You would be stuck with someone who has multiple problems, yet avoids seeking help.  Your ex was self-medicating in lots of ways.

I don't know what the solution to all this is.  Maybe health professionals should be told never to mention smoking, in order to encourage people who may have other health problems to come to see them.  What I do know, is that until your ex is so ill that he is forced to seek help, you would be stranded with someone who is going round in circles trying to self-medicate any distress away.  In a way, even if he was ill and not being or thinking of being unfaithful, you are better off out of this relationship, because there is nothing you can do for him.

 

 

Thank you. I agree. No I do not smoke and never dated anyone that did before him so this was all new to me. He can’t even sleep without getting high , it was something I couldn’t understand. It’s his problem now, hopefully he gets help he just might have to stop smoking to rectify the problem. 

[Skittle2021]

2 hours ago, beentheredonethat77 said:

 

Skittle so sorry you're going through this.  

Ive had a lot of experience with dating men with mental health issues (and or ED).  I think he absolutely suffers from both, as you know. 

At first i thought his string of excuses were all sounding a lot like someone trying to fade out.. but i think he was struggling. 

I think he suffers from severe anxiety and despite your best attempts to be a wonderful, supportive girlfriend .. his reality is that he has addictions and embarrassing medical condition/s that you only serve to highlight more (you are not to blame).  IF he stays alone and avoids you and the world he can smoke, drink, ignore his erection issues and not have to deal with them.

The fact he is blameshifting on to you, and even the tone that he used for his final break up message scream of someone who needs you to be somewhat of a bad guy right now so he can guiltlessly pull away.   He needs to believe you add to the issues/ perhaps pressuring him so he can rest assuredly he made the right choice to step away.  These false beliefs allow him to take the easy, comfortle, self-isolation road... be alone and indulge in his addictions/issues and not seek help or worse.. answer to you / need to try to perform/ face you with his shame.    Im in the camp that something may have happened at bachelor party -- i think probably tried to get a blow job from stripper and couldn't perform.. something definitely happened that weekend (doubt it was just seeing another man/girl) -- but of course thats all speculation, just a hunch.    

I feel sorry for the dude but it doesn't sound like he wants any help.. nor to even help himself.   Although may be this time alone he will, but likely he just wants to self induldge in pity and vices ... only he will know when hes ready to sort himself out.   Your love and care and energy is going to be so much more appreciated by a healthy, available man.

I think he'll be back when hes feeling better, im sensing you're strong enough to resist getting into a cycle with him as he'll inevitably cycle back into depression/issues again too. 

YOu're too good for him and im glad you realize this. 

 

Thank you so much for this response. I have a friend who suffers from anxiety and she said the same thing you said. She said he is struggling with the illness and I need not to get caught up in this. Both you and her and right. I don’t want to be involved in that. I just wish it panned out better where he actually told me he was struggling and I would have understood and bowed out gracefully but that didn’t happen if course. I had to make this out to gain perspective and try to make sense of this for my own understanding. I really do hope he gets the help he needs. 

[beentheredonethat77]

10 hours ago, Skittle2021 said:

Thank you so much for this response. I have a friend who suffers from anxiety and she said the same thing you said. She said he is struggling with the illness and I need not to get caught up in this. Both you and her and right. I don’t want to be involved in that. I just wish it panned out better where he actually told me he was struggling and I would have understood and bowed out gracefully but that didn’t happen if course. I had to make this out to gain perspective and try to make sense of this for my own understanding. I really do hope he gets the help he needs. 

I understand you'd prefer hed been more upfront so you could bow out gracefully.. Thing is, he probably felt you wouldn't.  That you'd continue to 'try to help'... which only caused him more shame and unwanted attention. 

I sense you're like me, nurturing by nature, there were no limits to how much i was willing to sacrifice for people i loved or pitied... ... people like me are the worst for people like him.. because we prevent them from hitting rock bottom.  We catch them before they fall, or when they fall.. .. prop them back up, smooth and soothe... only for them to cycle back around again.  We prevent them from ever hearing the deafening silence of truly being alone with their problems and the mess they've created with their irresponsible lifestyle choices..  -- they need this in order to seek real professional help.   The old cliche is true; the only way people heal is because they get sick of being sick.. and finally decide for themselves.. to seek help.   He may seek help soon.. or he may take another 10 years to get there and hurt a few more girls in the meantime..  Meanwhile you'll be off living your best life with someone who can add to your life, someone with a healthy lifestyle and can give you a healthy sex life.   

[Skittle2021]

10 minutes ago, beentheredonethat77 said:

I understand you'd prefer hed been more upfront so you could bow out gracefully.. Thing is, he probably felt you wouldn't.  That you'd continue to 'try to help'... which only caused him more shame and unwanted attention. 

I sense you're like me, nurturing by nature, there were no limits to how much i was willing to sacrifice for people i loved or pitied... ... people like me are the worst for people like him.. because we prevent them from hitting rock bottom.  We catch them before they fall, or when they fall.. .. prop them back up, smooth and soothe... only for them to cycle back around again.  We prevent them from ever hearing the deafening silence of truly being alone with their problems and the mess they've created with their irresponsible lifestyle choices..  -- they need this in order to seek real professional help.   The old cliche is true; the only way people heal is because they get sick of being sick.. and finally decide for themselves.. to seek help.   He may seek help soon.. or he may take another 10 years to get there and hurt a few more girls in the meantime..  Meanwhile you'll be off living your best life with someone who can add to your life, someone with a healthy lifestyle and can give you a healthy sex life.   

But that’s the thing, I wasn’t trying to help help. We did talk about it by it for the week leading up to this, all of our convos seemed normal and fun just like they’ve always been… even up to the night before. His phone died the night prior and he never called back. I did t think anything of it. The next day when I didn't get his morning text that’s when I started to feel like something was wrong. It was eating at me all day and then when he didn’t answer my call, I knew something was wrong. Who would have known that the night before would be the last time I spoke to him. We didn’t even say goodnight. It went from that to being over in less that 24 hours. Im still mind blown about that. 

[beentheredonethat77]

21 hours ago, Skittle2021 said:

But that’s the thing, I wasn’t trying to help help. We did talk about it by it for the week leading up to this, all of our convos seemed normal and fun just like they’ve always been… even up to the night before. His phone died the night prior and he never called back. I did t think anything of it. The next day when I didn't get his morning text that’s when I started to feel like something was wrong. It was eating at me all day and then when he didn’t answer my call, I knew something was wrong. Who would have known that the night before would be the last time I spoke to him. We didn’t even say goodnight. It went from that to being over in less that 24 hours. Im still mind blown about that. 

For an anxious person, there doesn't need to be evidence you'll act a certain way -- just a fear, based on his knowing your personality to be caring/ or even that you were into him.   It may even be that prior girlfriends have tried to help... or even that one fleeting comment you made a while back about him addressing some of his habits.. --- or it could be nothing.  Just him fearing he wouldn't be left alone because you're a normal, caring person and thats what people who care do.. they try to help.   

As far as the 'sudden'ness of it/ that shocked you.  This only indicates more to me that he was very scared to end it (simply because he'd receive a normal reaction of disappointment etc)  so he swiftly ripped off the bandaid and used a tone that hopefully would make that the final contact.   It was likely very unpleasant for him and he just had to get it over and done with. 

[Skittle2021]

8 minutes ago, beentheredonethat77 said:

For an anxious person, there doesn't need to be evidence you'll act a certain way -- just a fear, based on his knowing your personality to be caring/ or even that you were into him.   It may even be that prior girlfriends have tried to help... or even that one fleeting comment you made a while back about him addressing some of his habits.. --- or it could be nothing.  Just him fearing he wouldn't be left alone because you're a normal, caring person and thats what people who care do.. they try to help.   

As far as the 'sudden'ness of it/ that shocked you.  This only indicates more to me that he was very scared to end it (simply because he'd receive a normal reaction of disappointment etc)  so he swiftly ripped off the bandaid and used a tone that hopefully would make that the final contact.   It was likely very unpleasant for him and he just had to get it over and done with. 

That is so unfortunate. I just really wish he had said that during one of our many conversations and I would have told him to take all the time he needed. Of course I would have been sad and felt bad for him but I wouldn’t have been hurt like I was when I read that message. 
The tone and lack of care that was displayed when he sent that truly made me feel like he didn’t care about me and everything about our relationship was BS. It seems as though he has been hiding his feelings from me all long, whatever they were. 
i can say that this experience had led me to want to learn more about anxiety. I would love to chat with your through PM to understand further. Your comments have given me a sense of relief.

[ExpatInItaly]

2 hours ago, Skittle2021 said:

I just really wish he had said that during one of our many conversations and I would have told him to take all the time he needed.

The problem with this line of thinking is assuming that anxiety is the reason this ended. 

It might be, or it might just be the more palatable reason he chose so you would not really question him further. 

 

[beentheredonethat77]

10 hours ago, ExpatInItaly said:

The problem with this line of thinking is assuming that anxiety is the reason this ended. 

It might be, or it might just be the more palatable reason he chose so you would not really question him further. 

 

The above is so true -- we really dont know anything for sure.  Its all just a bunch of strangers sharing our thoughts and theories based on our personal experiences,  take it all with a grain of salt OP.    See what fits, makes sense and keep an open mind that we may all be wrong.   In this case, my hunch was legit severe anxiety -- but of course the possibility that he also wanted out of the relationship for other reasons too exists -- nothing can be ruled out. 

 

Wishing you all the best!! i really hope you find happiness with someone great. 

[Skittle2021]

10 hours ago, beentheredonethat77 said:

The above is so true -- we really dont know anything for sure.  Its all just a bunch of strangers sharing our thoughts and theories based on our personal experiences,  take it all with a grain of salt OP.    See what fits, makes sense and keep an open mind that we may all be wrong.   In this case, my hunch was legit severe anxiety -- but of course the possibility that he also wanted out of the relationship for other reasons too exists -- nothing can be ruled out. 

 

Wishing you all the best!! i really hope you find happiness with someone great. 

Well, I feel inclined to say that he just called me and of course I didn’t answer. Today is exactly one week since he sent me that text and I have said anything to him since. 

[Skittle2021]

10 hours ago, beentheredonethat77 said:

The above is so true -- we really dont know anything for sure.  Its all just a bunch of strangers sharing our thoughts and theories based on our personal experiences,  take it all with a grain of salt OP.    See what fits, makes sense and keep an open mind that we may all be wrong.   In this case, my hunch was legit severe anxiety -- but of course the possibility that he also wanted out of the relationship for other reasons too exists -- nothing can be ruled out. 

 

Wishing you all the best!! i really hope you find happiness with someone great. 

Well, I feel inclined to say that he just called me and of course I didn’t answer. Today is exactly one week since he sent me that text and I have not said anything to him since. 

[beentheredonethat77]

2 hours ago, Skittle2021 said:

Well, I feel inclined to say that he just called me and of course I didn’t answer. Today is exactly one week since he sent me that text and I have not said anything to him since. 

Good on you for not answering.. stay strong!!  If you can try so hard to move on mentally.   Realize that cold break up message is just a sample of what you'll get if you stay with him.   Anxious or not, sick or not, whatever the reason, there is no excuse for how he treated you. 

 

My feeling is : This is going to be a rollercoaster if you stay with him, the pain you've had the past week will be something you'll become so familiar with.  The feeling of relief that hes reached out is probably making you feel better.. but please recognise that its a cycle and as soon as he knows you're still 'there' if he wants/ needs you (when it suits him of course) .. he'll eventually cycle back to pushing you away.    You cant fix him, 'love' him better.. HE'll take you under with him.