Author Skittle2021 Posted October 8, 2021 Author Share Posted October 8, 2021 1 minute ago, beentheredonethat77 said: Good on you for not answering.. stay strong!! If you can try so hard to move on mentally. Realize that cold break up message is just a sample of what you'll get if you stay with him. Anxious or not, sick or not, whatever the reason, there is no excuse for how he treated you. My feeling is : This is going to be a rollercoaster if you stay with him, the pain you've had the past week will be something you'll become so familiar with. The feeling of relief that hes reached out is probably making you feel better.. but please recognise that its a cycle and as soon as he knows you're still 'there' if he wants/ needs you (when it suits him of course) .. he'll eventually cycle back to pushing you away. You cant fix him, 'love' him better.. HE'll take you under with him. Thank you for providing that painted picture of what it would look like if I engage. I’m not going back that’s for sure and you are right, there is not excuse for how he treated me. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Skittle2021 Posted October 9, 2021 Author Share Posted October 9, 2021 (edited) update: After the missed call from yesterday, I called him back later in the evening and he said he called by accident then proceeded to ask me if I was ok. He then told me that he was doing better. I quickly ended the call stating that I was meeting someone for dinner and maybe we will talk later. I spoke to him this morning and he confirmed that he is dealing with his anxiety and when it gets to "this stage" he shuts down, cant be around anyone. This is how he knows how to deal with it. he sounded very sluggish and contradicting with what he was saying. Below are some of the things he said: he said we are no longer exclusively dating but his feelings haven't changed he said he didn't want to lead me on and didnt want me to catch feelings for him he said his message to me wasn't a break up, he just needed time because I annoyed him by trying to contact him. he said he wants to meet up again and go out as friends when he is better but doesn't know when that will be he says he cant ask me to wait or stop me from seeing other people but to not do tout of spite to avoid making mistakes. he claims to say this because he cares. * I know that when a man is serious about a woman, he would never be ok with her seeing other people, but yet he claims his feelings haven't changed for me. Im so confused. he still refuses to see me in person because he feels uncomfortable and says it's not just me, he's this way to everyone including his family. His video games is his best friend right now he always does this when "the stage" of anxiety gets this way and has lost a lot of people because of it. I deserve someone that makes me happy and is in the stage of life to give me what I want. he doesn't know what he wants right now and isn't interested in dating anyone. He's not thinking about dating anyone right now, he just wants ti get himself together and his focus is more about helping himself. he said he wanted to see me that day but he just couldn't because he was uncomfortable he said he wanted to call me within the last week but didn't because he didn't want to lead me on. he said his ED went away, 3 days after he sent me that a text, joking stating that he wondered if I out a hex on him! Since I now know that this is all due to his anxiety, how do I know if this is his anxiety talking or if he is really feeling this way? he says he wasn't breaking up with me via that text but also said that his feelings didn't change, we aren't exclusive anymore and I can date other people. I know this is extremely overwhelming for me and I don't think I can deal with this, but im just having a hard time processing all of this. There was a lot more said that I just cant remember right now, but what am I supposed to do with this? This does not mean that I want him back or anything like that. This kind of serves as a bit of closure for me since the main questions that I had have been answered and other information solidified but my goodness, he really might be unstable right now. Edited October 9, 2021 by Skittle2021 Link to post Share on other sites
AngryGromit Posted October 9, 2021 Share Posted October 9, 2021 On 10/4/2021 at 7:59 PM, Skittle2021 said: He said he noticed it at the strip club, then when he came back and tried watching porn. he said it would only get semi hard. He said he believes he is suffering from ED and needs to get checked out. He even semi blamed me for this issue stating that my mention of his smoking and drinking habits being unhealthy and causing issues is why he is going through this. I was starting to have issue with this, the simple fact is this is the early warning signs of Atherosclerosis. It would makes sense that the smallest arties would be the first to be affected. Initially I starting taking Virga, but what really made the difference for me was going vegan. After a few months, my arties repaired themselves and I get results without resorting to a pill. Also i never smoked. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Skittle2021 Posted October 9, 2021 Author Share Posted October 9, 2021 4 minutes ago, AngryGromit said: I was starting to have issue with this, the simple fact is this is the early warning signs of Atherosclerosis. It would makes sense that the smallest arties would be the first to be affected. Initially I starting taking Virga, but what really made the difference for me was going vegan. After a few months, my arties repaired themselves and I get results without resorting to a pill. Also i never smoked. Good on you for being proactive about your health. After talking with him this morning, I dont think he ever did go to the doctor. Link to post Share on other sites
spiderowl Posted October 9, 2021 Share Posted October 9, 2021 I think he is full of confusing statements, Skittle, and most of them amount to I'm not feeling up to a relationship with you. I think this guy is too self-absorbed to care much about anyone else. He is not that loving guy you need. He was not as attached as you were. Please don't wait around for him to change. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Skittle2021 Posted October 9, 2021 Author Share Posted October 9, 2021 8 minutes ago, spiderowl said: I think he is full of confusing statements, Skittle, and most of them amount to I'm not feeling up to a relationship with you. I think this guy is too self-absorbed to care much about anyone else. He is not that loving guy you need. He was not as attached as you were. Please don't wait around for him to change. I agree. Thank you! Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted October 10, 2021 Share Posted October 10, 2021 Good grief, this guy is full of hot air and excuses. How exhausting. 9 hours ago, Skittle2021 said: but what am I supposed to do with this? Nothing but realize he still doesn't want to have a relaitonship with you, so you need to cut contact. This a total dead end. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Allupinnit Posted October 11, 2021 Share Posted October 11, 2021 Oh boy. I once had a guy dump me over email like this - he also had ED and said he couldn't figure out why he didn't want to come upstairs with me and rip my clothes off, and it was confusing for him. I had NEVER had an issue being desirable to men so I knew it was BS. It still hurt like hell, though. I'm so sorry - just stop engaging. Men like that are totally screwed up. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Skittle2021 Posted October 11, 2021 Author Share Posted October 11, 2021 8 minutes ago, Allupinnit said: Oh boy. I once had a guy dump me over email like this - he also had ED and said he couldn't figure out why he didn't want to come upstairs with me and rip my clothes off, and it was confusing for him. I had NEVER had an issue being desirable to men so I knew it was BS. It still hurt like hell, though. I'm so sorry - just stop engaging. Men like that are totally screwed up. Thank you for sharing. He said it wasn’t a break up, but I have left him alone to deal with his issues. I refuse to stress myself out about this any longer. I told myself it has nothing to do with me and left it at that. If long spells of anxiety are normal for him (he says this is what he does to deal with this stage) then I don’t think he is capable of a healthy relationship with anyone unless he goes and gets the help he needs. Seems like he is just hiding and waiting it out until it goes away or as he says it, gets better… 2 Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted October 11, 2021 Share Posted October 11, 2021 On 10/9/2021 at 3:37 PM, Skittle2021 said: but what am I supposed to do with this? Move on and live your life. He's pushing you away and letting you know it's over even if he says it isn't a break up. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Allupinnit Posted October 11, 2021 Share Posted October 11, 2021 7 minutes ago, Skittle2021 said: Thank you for sharing. He said it wasn’t a break up, but I have left him alone to deal with his issues. I refuse to stress myself out about this any longer. I told myself it has nothing to do with me and left it at that. If long spells of anxiety are normal for him (he says this is what he does to deal with this stage) then I don’t think he is capable of a healthy relationship with anyone unless he goes and gets the help he needs. Seems like he is just hiding and waiting it out until it goes away or as he says it, gets better… Yeah "not a breakup" because he wants to string you along. Don't fall for it. I always hated, "I'm not your boyfriend but we're not broken up, either" - that sweet limbo that only works out for the person who's not emotionally involved. Glad you're smarter than that. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Skittle2021 Posted October 11, 2021 Author Share Posted October 11, 2021 22 minutes ago, stillafool said: Move on and live your life. He's pushing you away and letting you know it's over even if he says it isn't a break up. I’ve already removed myself 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Skittle2021 Posted October 11, 2021 Author Share Posted October 11, 2021 22 minutes ago, Allupinnit said: Yeah "not a breakup" because he wants to string you along. Don't fall for it. I always hated, "I'm not your boyfriend but we're not broken up, either" - that sweet limbo that only works out for the person who's not emotionally involved. Glad you're smarter than that. Thank you. I won’t let him string me along. I’ve already set up a few dates this week just to get out of my head. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Daisydooks Posted October 11, 2021 Share Posted October 11, 2021 (edited) On 10/7/2021 at 3:46 PM, ExpatInItaly said: The problem with this line of thinking is assuming that anxiety is the reason this ended. It might be, or it might just be the more palatable reason he chose so you would not really question him further. This is what my gut is telling me. With my ex, he was anxious about this one issue and didnt want to talk about it or address it because it was embarrassing to talk about with me or his Dr. and made him feel anxious. Anxiety - diagnosed? Not even a little bit. He did not suffer from anxiety. He was not depressed. Provided I shut my mouth, say nothing, feel nothing and require nothing of him, he'd have continued dating me. He didnt want to address the issue and when I brought up the issue, he retreated, became rude and awful and also blamed me. The similarities are striking here and my gut tells me this man isnt anxiety ridden. It sounded like a good thing to say to get OP to leave him alone with his issues. He doesnt want to fix it and provided he isnt having sex he doesnt have to. The closer he gets to someone who wants to have sex and get closer to him, the harder the issue is to ignore. Edited October 11, 2021 by Daisydooks 2 Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted October 11, 2021 Share Posted October 11, 2021 Yeah, I'm noticing on this forum that lately it seems a lot of men are blaming anxiety and depression as the reason to break up with women. This sounds really fishy to me. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Skittle2021 Posted October 11, 2021 Author Share Posted October 11, 2021 19 minutes ago, Daisydooks said: This is what my gut is telling me. With my ex, he was anxious about this one issue and didnt want to talk about it or address it because it was embarrassing to talk about with me or his Dr. and made him feel anxious. Anxiety - diagnosed? Not even a little bit. He did not suffer from anxiety. He was not depressed. Provided I shut my mouth, say nothing, feel nothing and require nothing of him, he'd have continued dating me. He didnt want to address the issue and when I brought up the issue, he retreated, became rude and awful and also blamed me. The similarities are striking here and my gut tells me this man isnt anxiety ridden. It sounded like a good thing to say to get OP to leave him alone with his issues. He doesnt want to fix it and provided he isnt having sex he doesnt have to. The closer he gets to someone who wants to have sex and get closer to him, the harder the issue is to ignore. Before this, I would have never fathomed that a man would go to this great length to avoid having sex. Faking an illness to avoid sex is ridiculous when you can just say you don’t want to have sex or just not date. Of course sex is part of a healthy relationship but since we are still relatively new in our dating, I was totally ok with not having sex right now. I just feel like the last four months have been a waste of my time and with knowing that he didn’t even go to the doctor, makes everything you said above about him not wanting to fix it seems very true. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Skittle2021 Posted October 11, 2021 Author Share Posted October 11, 2021 23 minutes ago, Daisydooks said: This is what my gut is telling me. With my ex, he was anxious about this one issue and didnt want to talk about it or address it because it was embarrassing to talk about with me or his Dr. and made him feel anxious. Anxiety - diagnosed? Not even a little bit. He did not suffer from anxiety. He was not depressed. Provided I shut my mouth, say nothing, feel nothing and require nothing of him, he'd have continued dating me. He didnt want to address the issue and when I brought up the issue, he retreated, became rude and awful and also blamed me. The similarities are striking here and my gut tells me this man isnt anxiety ridden. It sounded like a good thing to say to get OP to leave him alone with his issues. He doesnt want to fix it and provided he isnt having sex he doesnt have to. The closer he gets to someone who wants to have sex and get closer to him, the harder the issue is to ignore. Also regarding his sexual history, he claims he’s had sex with many women and can’t give a number to how many, but I find that very hard to believe. It was a obvious to me in our short time together how self conscious he was about his body. Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted October 11, 2021 Share Posted October 11, 2021 2 minutes ago, Skittle2021 said: Faking an illness to avoid sex is ridiculous when you can just say you don’t want to have sex or just not date. Because that would be an attack on their masculinity so they lie instead. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Skittle2021 Posted October 11, 2021 Author Share Posted October 11, 2021 2 minutes ago, stillafool said: Because that would be an attack on their masculinity so they lie instead. Smh! If I felt that way as a man, I wouldn’t even date. Link to post Share on other sites
Daisydooks Posted October 12, 2021 Share Posted October 12, 2021 2 hours ago, stillafool said: Yeah, I'm noticing on this forum that lately it seems a lot of men are blaming anxiety and depression as the reason to break up with women. This sounds really fishy to me. It is a spin on the ol' "its me, not you." Regardless, OP has a few dates lined up and hopefully isnt focused on this guy any longer 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Skittle2021 Posted October 18, 2021 Author Share Posted October 18, 2021 On 10/11/2021 at 9:52 PM, Daisydooks said: It is a spin on the ol' "its me, not you." Regardless, OP has a few dates lined up and hopefully isnt focused on this guy any longer He’s been calling me daily m, trying to prove that he really is suffering from his anxiety and it was not him pushing me away. He had his family members tell me that he shut them out as well and to not take it personally. I told him we can be friends and I can be there to listen if he needs that. So far so good. Link to post Share on other sites
Daisydooks Posted October 18, 2021 Share Posted October 18, 2021 1 hour ago, Skittle2021 said: He’s been calling me daily m, trying to prove that he really is suffering from his anxiety and it was not him pushing me away. He had his family members tell me that he shut them out as well and to not take it personally. I told him we can be friends and I can be there to listen if he needs that. So far so good. Odd. Lol! So he went from being a jerk to calling daily? Dont date this guy seriously. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Skittle2021 Posted October 18, 2021 Author Share Posted October 18, 2021 5 minutes ago, Daisydooks said: Odd. Lol! So he went from being a jerk to calling daily? Dont date this guy seriously. Haha yep! Multiple times a day I should add. We aren’t dating don’t worry haha. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
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