Job addiction

[Eumelia Anatjari]

I have been dating for about 3 years. And yesterday she told me that she wanted to break up. She explained this like I didn`t devote time to her and she feels unnecessary cause I work too much. I love her, but I'm just used to doing it that way. It's very difficult for me. Maybe it's something like an addiction, I don`t know. It seems I always want money more and more, although relatively I have a good salary. I don't know what about sociopathy, but I have no friends because I work constantly. She wanted to go on vacation, but I cannot leave my business. Indicators immediately fall. I am so used to countering everything that my employees do not even want to work without me. Perhaps the reason is my negative experience as a child - I grew up in a very poor family. Subconsciously, I understand that she is rather right. I often burn out emotionally because of work and it hurts my health. I want to have a healthy relationship with work and with my girlfriend ...
She gave me a month and I want to return her.

[Wiseman2]

You can't have a relationship until you understand yourself better.

Perhaps you hide from life and relationships through work, perhaps you're greedy, who knows

But whatever the case, until you address your workaholic tendencies, you'll burn yourself and everyone around you out.

The issue is not about being ambitious or working long hours, the issue is an unhealthy relationship with working.

[Blind-Sided]

If it is your company... then hard work is the only way to make it grow.  If you are working for someone else... you need to step back, and take a vacation, and spend time with other people. Being happy is more important than being rich. 

[d0nnivain]

Entrepreneurs are devoted to the company.  It's the nature of the beast but as humans you do need time off.  There are many technology options that can keep you in touch.  Perhaps try a long weekend & build up to a vacation.  I take vacations but spend time on each trip connected back home.  You need to build better systems & hire reliable employees so you have some flexibility.   It's not healthy that you have no friends & are now losing your GF.  

[kendahke]

On 10/5/2021 at 4:04 AM, Eumelia Anatjari said:

I love her, but

but nothing. If you love her, then act like it. If work is too important, then take the L and go work on your business.

She needs someone who is far more present than you're willing to be. Be fair. She isn't going to waste her youth behind someone who doesn't show any interest in finding a work/life balance--and good for her. She understands her worth and where not to squander it.

Edited October 8, 2021 by kendahke

[glows]

On 10/5/2021 at 2:04 AM, Eumelia Anatjari said:

I have been dating for about 3 years. And yesterday she told me that she wanted to break up. She explained this like I didn`t devote time to her and she feels unnecessary cause I work too much. I love her, but I'm just used to doing it that way. It's very difficult for me. Maybe it's something like an addiction, I don`t know. It seems I always want money more and more, although relatively I have a good salary. I don't know what about sociopathy, but I have no friends because I work constantly. She wanted to go on vacation, but I cannot leave my business. Indicators immediately fall. I am so used to countering everything that my employees do not even want to work without me. Perhaps the reason is my negative experience as a child - I grew up in a very poor family. Subconsciously, I understand that she is rather right. I often burn out emotionally because of work and it hurts my health. I want to have a healthy relationship with work and with my girlfriend ...
She gave me a month and I want to return her.

So start by making a list of things you wish to change in the way you work or in your relationship with work. 1) take a vacation every x months, 2) delegate more tasks, ...etc

You might want to take vacations also during slower seasons instead of busier seasons. She may not understand you or what you need to do and you cling harder to your work because you feel no one gets it and it becomes a safe place. Ironically it is not so safe if you are experiencing burn out or feeling at a loss with friendships or other areas. It's consuming you but you see it as a need and safety. I'm not surprised either if you have latent resentment with your girlfriend because she's pushing you out of that safe place. You both might just be on opposite ends and vastly incompatible also (different backgrounds, not enough understanding about the business or you/how you think). 

Do change things though. You don't want to be having a mental breakdown and losing what you've worked so hard for.

[spiderowl]

I can understand you making work a priority if you suffered poverty as a child.  You will have absorbed the stress around poverty as well as the very real aspects of going without.

What seems to be happening now is that the responsibility that you feel for your business (which is entirely understandable) has you so gripped with fear that you cannot step back and look at it from a more reasoned point of view.  There are ways of taking time off and of course you need to enable your staff to take over the essentials of the job from time to time.  This would involve learning to delegate and (probably) paying an appropriately trained member of staff to cover for you while you are on holiday.

I appreciate this must be hard, but I think interpersonal counselling or similar therapy might be of help to you.  I would specifically look for a therapist who deals with people who are workaholics and who has experience and understanding of running a business (not just therapy).  There is nothing wrong with working hard and being responsible, but in your case it has taken over your life to the point where your partner is threatening to leave.  You already know it is affecting your own physical and mental health.

If nothing else, therapy should help you to get a grip on the real issues facing you and to support through this difficult time.