Trust Issues

[frkkkkk]

So I got a problem that has been consuming me lately and I’ve been feeling really anxious about it. 
I’ve been with my girlfriend for more than 2 years already, we are both 19 and we were best friends for almost a year before we got together. I have always been very jealous and had serious trust-issues, even though I’m really confident about myself, as she always tells me that she won’t find another guy as mature as me at this age that could give her all the things I give her, but I’m not jealous because she gave me a reason to, but I just always felt this way. When I talked to her about this 2 years ago she decided to go to parties only with me and she gave up on her boy friends that were kinda rude to me and we both agreed on it. These past 2 years we’ve accomplished a lot of things and the relationship got pretty serious for some 19 years old. 
Now we both got to college in the same city and we’re all meeting new people. I’m really afraid that she’ll go to parties & drink and get drunk, because she gets drunk too easily and something will happen. I asked her to go with her and she said she’ll bring me but not at the first parties because she doesn’t know anyone yet and she’ll feel weird. I know it’s not right the way I’m feeling but just the thought of it it’s killing me and I’m tryina get over this problem, otherwise I won’t ever be able to truly engage in a healthy relationship. I also want to mention that she doesn’t get jealous at all no matter what I’m doing and it kinda feels like she’s not caring. Any advice is useful, please help me get over this problem. 

[glows]

It sounds like she's eager to make new friends and it's quite healthy. You both need that space to develop new friendships. As for the drinking in excess or getting drunk, date to find out more about your partner, not to restrict or control or change that other person. If she drinks in excess or doesn't have the same lifestyle choices or goals as you, go your separate ways. 

[Wiseman2]

8 hours ago, frkkkkk said:

  she doesn’t get jealous at all no matter what I’m doing and it kinda feels like she’s not caring. 

You need to stop policing and controlling her. If you are having trouble with that find a qualified therapist for ongoing support.

She's secure. That's why she doesn't want you on a tight leash.

Eventually she'll make new friends, talk to others and someone will advise her about the red flags regarding your controlling, possessive behaviors.

It's not "progress"  that you forced her to not have any male friends, it's unhealthy and you need to get a handle on these tendencies.

[NYAG]

9 hours ago, frkkkkk said:

So I got a problem that has been consuming me lately and I’ve been feeling really anxious about it. 
I’ve been with my girlfriend for more than 2 years already, we are both 19 and we were best friends for almost a year before we got together. I have always been very jealous and had serious trust-issues, even though I’m really confident about myself, as she always tells me that she won’t find another guy as mature as me at this age that could give her all the things I give her, but I’m not jealous because she gave me a reason to, but I just always felt this way. When I talked to her about this 2 years ago she decided to go to parties only with me and she gave up on her boy friends that were kinda rude to me and we both agreed on it. These past 2 years we’ve accomplished a lot of things and the relationship got pretty serious for some 19 years old. 
Now we both got to college in the same city and we’re all meeting new people. I’m really afraid that she’ll go to parties & drink and get drunk, because she gets drunk too easily and something will happen. I asked her to go with her and she said she’ll bring me but not at the first parties because she doesn’t know anyone yet and she’ll feel weird. I know it’s not right the way I’m feeling but just the thought of it it’s killing me and I’m tryina get over this problem, otherwise I won’t ever be able to truly engage in a healthy relationship. I also want to mention that she doesn’t get jealous at all no matter what I’m doing and it kinda feels like she’s not caring. Any advice is useful, please help me get over this problem. 

You need to work on this because otherwise you will drive her away and sabotage the relationship - which kind of makes it self prophetic and does nothing to deal with your trust issues. Get help or you will become self controlling, obsessive and a nightmare to be with. I solved my trust issues by staying single, but I don't recommend it if you want to be in a relationship. I'm just not that fussed.

[smackie9]

It's healthy to have a life outside the relationship. Sure it's normal to feel some anxiety, but not to the point of getting yourself into a tizzy. There are counselors at your college that can help you cope with this. Book an appointment.

[Caauug]

On 10/7/2021 at 6:43 AM, frkkkkk said:

I’m really afraid that she’ll go to parties & drink and get drunk, because she gets drunk too easily and something will happen.

And she will destroy that illusion you have of her up on a pedestal..... 

On 10/7/2021 at 6:43 AM, frkkkkk said:

I also want to mention that she doesn’t get jealous at all no matter what I’m doing and it kinda feels like she’s not caring.

She doesn't need to, she's a young attractive female in the prime of her life.... She will know that she has lots of suiters waiting for there chance/turn with her. She's with you because she wants to be.... Don't give her reasons not to be....

On 10/7/2021 at 6:43 AM, frkkkkk said:

Any advice is useful, please help me get over this problem.

Don't worry about her, you can't control her. Only worry about things you can control, and that's you. Don't waste collage, study hard, do the best you can. Keep or get fit, health in body and mind is important. Eat well, don't do drugs, and limit your drinking, it's not healthy. Look after yourself, groom well. If you value yourself others will also, including your GF. 

"She's not yours, it's just your turn" The chances of your R lasting with your GF until Collage is done will be very small, with your present mind set. The R you have with yourself is the important one that lasts a lifetime, make this one count. Be the best you can be, and treat others fairly.

[kendahke]

You need a therapist more than you need a girlfriend.

If you don't get a grip on yourself, you will ruin what you have because no emotionally healthy person is going to tolerate being policed and controlled for made up reasons based in insecurity.  That's your heavy lift to work out and resolve, not hers.