Anxious about my SO possibly cheating on me tonight

[simonesimone]

At this stage, I don't think I am involved any longer to the point where I am in love blindly. I might be having a hard time letting go and I'm still hoping she might come out good, but to be honest, it's less and less each day.

 

A week ago we spent some time with a group of people she knows through work. I was her plus one (although several people were like oh, when we realised who her +1 was, we actually thought we should have invited you to begin with).

There was no room at the table for us to sit next to each other because we were late, and someone said maybe you should split up, to which she responded "great, finally I don't have to look at him – if you told me we'd be separated maybe I would have come on my own to get some time away from him." People stared at her bc it was dumb to say the least.

She also said "he's –insert my ethnicity– maybe he should sit outside."

I swear she made everyone uncomfortable.

When I confronted her about the remark she said "baby I said it only so that they would consider inviting you whenever they need someone from –insert my place of origin– as an expert. I only said it to help bc I'm so concerned nobody takes you seriously."

Then we hung out with a smaller group including this one guy she later told me she kissed and made out with after three hours of so of us hanging out together and her telling me how great he was.

Anyway, I'm only mentioning that bc tonight we went out with a colleague of hers and it turns out the colleague knows the guy.

My partner's take was "oh yeah he hit on me for a year and a half but I never let him anywhere near me and once he tried something at a club but I pushed him away."

I was completely shocked by this bc that is not what she told me *at all*. 
 

She also got inebriated in the process and talked incessantly about her exes to this friend from work right in front of me, then said how I f*cked solely women of a certain ethnicity and commented on one of my previous relationships without even  bothering to ask if she could share it with someone she just met in person.

We went home and she was just half-out of it. She said a number of really ridiculous things. Like how she wanted me to get her pregnant, then how she doesn't want us to f*ck bc I had my d*ck in so many people so why would I want to f*ck her (quoting), whether I was ashamed of her bc she is a slut bc she had three times as many partners as me and finally, how she was looking forward to us going out tomorrow night so that she could pick out a waiter or waitress to bring back home.

Then she passed out on the couch.

Tbh, I've seen a lot of crazy behavior in my life, but this is just... Am I wrong to think there is so much self-loathing here? 

 

[simonesimone]

Oh and just for your info, I make 2.5x more than her and have a job in our line of work that's actually solid and respectable. I also get invited to give talks and consult way more than she does. 
 

Re: work, I recently got an offer that improved my position somewhat and she was told me one night (while drunk) how it was all due to her and "she made me" and told me how I don't deserve it and how I should quit. 
 

At the same time, she demeaned my bread-and-butter gig with a non-profit – the one that actually pays the bills – saying how it was fake and I was fake and how I was a sell-out and worked on something I didn't believe in. All this during a pandemic while knowing full well that this gig kept a roof above our heads and covered for the times when she wasn't contributing to the budget (which is since April to this day). She contributed with one-third of our rent and bills just once during this period, and although I don't honestly mind – tomorrow I might end up without work and she might have to pull us through – still it's very unfair. She does give me credit in front of family and friends but it still feels like she shouldn't bash me for the job I have that is keeping us afloat.

Edited November 12, 2021 by simonesimone

[IrinaM]

I'm trying to decipher your first post, there's so much sturm and drang.

This "ex" was someone you were sexual or romantic with while already friends with, talking with, whatever, your current SO. Was your SO under the impression that you were single when you met her?

I'm just saying you don't come off like some innocent victim here. I'm not going to address your SO and her culpability, that's been covered and it seems like you think that's the only thing that's important.

[simonesimone]

9 minutes ago, IrinaM said:

I'm trying to decipher your first post, there's so much sturm and drang.

This "ex" was someone you were sexual or romantic with while already friends with, talking with, whatever, your current SO. Was your SO under the impression that you were single when you met her?

I'm just saying you don't come off like some innocent victim here. I'm not going to address your SO and her culpability, that's been covered and it seems like you think that's the only thing that's important.

I was single when we got together. We knew each other as colleagues since at least 2016 if I recall correctly. The relationship if you want to call it that ended about a month before my SO and I got together. Given its brief nature and how quickly I was over it, I don't even consider it as something of significance or worth spending time ruminating over. And no, I did not make any passes nor I considered my current SO as a potential partner at the time *at all*.

Edited November 12, 2021 by simonesimone

[IrinaM]

Were all three of you colleagues?

[Mrin]

The Nope is strong with this one young Padawan. Move on from her, you should. F-ed up seriously your situation is 

Edited November 12, 2021 by Mrin

[Wiseman2]

8 hours ago, simonesimone said:

She also said "he's –insert my ethnicity– maybe he should sit outside."

She also got inebriated in the process and talked incessantly about her exes to this friend from work right in front of me, then said how I f*cked solely women of a certain ethnicity 

Do you live together? Whose place is it? Yours, hers, co-own or co-lease?

Make arrangements ASAP to stop living together and end it.

Not sure if you are self loathing, but you shouldn't have to put up with a racist and someone who gets drunk and sloppy and insults everything about you.

It's unclear why you are putting up with this. It's not going to get better.

[Crazelnut]

Why are you tolerating such disrespect from her? She basically trashed you and revealed herself to be a bigot in front of colleagues. Show some self-respect and end it.

[usa1ah]

On 10/16/2021 at 8:57 PM, simonesimone said:

It tells me I'm doing something wrong but I'm not sure what 🤷🏻‍♂️

Could be she is just messed up mentally and has nothing to do with you.