I regret my affair and the damage it caused.

[Anonymous_Wondering]

I (38 f) had an affair four years ago. I cheated on my husband with a coworker. At the time my excuses for what I did seemed perfectly valid. I realize now that I behaved abominably toward a man who had never done anything but show me love, dedication and affection for as long as I knew him.

My ex husband and I grew up together, I was best friends with his sisters. We were high school sweethearts and when I was 21 we had our oldest daughter. When she was four we got married and everything seemed like such a fairy tale. He worked hard and we had a good life. All the things you’d think would make you happy. Nice house, new cars, vacations. Our two youngest daughters came within a year of each other. By the time the youngest was born we’d been married for six years. By all outward appearances we were the perfect couple.

My husband started having several physical problems that affected our sex love. He became depressed and withdrawn because he was unable to work for a few months. I was working and I think it also made him feel guilty that he was laid up while his wife worked. A coworker listened to all my complaints. He said all the right things. He seemed so exciting     and I made the single greatest mistake of my life: I had an affair with him.

It lasted four months. I knew I was wrong, I knew I had betrayed my entire family but I did it anyway. My husband started to suspect me when I came home drunk from a company function one Friday night. He confronted me. I denied it. Finally he got a old of my phone and read texts and saw pictures.

I couldn’t deny it any longer and I admitted to him. I broke down in tears and begged him to forgive me. He became cold and withdrawn from me. In retrospect I can’t blame him. We tried therapy. I started to see the other man and he caught me again and this time he threw  me out of the house. I knew I was wrong and I left. I was humiliated. I had to hear it from my parents, my friends and my sisters about how awful I had acted.

I was stubborn and dug my heels in and kept seeing the coworker. My now ex best friend told me off and said she hated me for what I’d done to her brother. My husband cooly and calmly went about preparing to divorce me. Many of our mutual friends took his side and stopped talking to me.

I finally realized that I had destroyed my marriage for nothing when the coworker blandly announced that he could see having a long term relationship with a single mother of three kids. Too late I realized what I had thrown away. I asked my husband if he could ever forgive me. He said he might someday but he’s never trust me again and that our marriage was over.

It’s been three years since our divorce. My ex only speaks to me when he absolutely has to. My oldest daughter resents me and barely wants to be around me. My former best friend and sister in law loathes me. When I tried reaching out to her when their mother died she s*** me down and asked me never to contact her again.

My ex is with someone else now. By all accounts he’s happy and their engaged. She’s also a divorced mother with a little girl. My two youngest daughters are so excited to have a new step sister. They talk about my husband’s new fiancé in such glowing terms. I’ve had trouble keeping a relationship over the last few years and right now I’m single and enjoying it. Until I think of what I lost.

To any men or women thinking that stepping outside your marriage will fix your problems I say please don’t do it! Talk to your partner. Tell them your feelings. Whatever temporary thrill you get from the new person will never replace what you might lose.

[stillafool]

Thank you for your post as I hope many cheating OW/OM on this forum will listen to what you've said and take heed.  I'm sure one day you will meet the right man and can start over.  I'm sure you will never make the decision to have an affair again.  I wish you the best.