Happy Lemming Posted October 16, 2021 Share Posted October 16, 2021 2 hours ago, AngryGromit said: But the sweatshirt? In this case, I don't think it was about dollar value, but more about imposing hurt on the OP. I'm thinking she thought the sweatshirt meant a lot to him, because it was a gift from her daughter. Either that or the daughter wanted it for herself and the mother was glad to make that happen. Since the OP stated he was going to donate it to Goodwill, I'm sure he would have gladly included in the boxes of stuff the ex-girlfriend picked up. This was a miscalculation on her part, as she thought the sweatshirt held more sentimental value than it did. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Otter2569 Posted October 16, 2021 Author Share Posted October 16, 2021 17 hours ago, flitzanu said: ignoring an attack creates so much more contention than you ever could with your responses. trust me. I sure hope so. I have this uncanny ability to remain calm in most emotionally charged situations such as this. Partly because it defuses the matter and partly because I know if I let loose I will say and or do something hurtful. While IMO it is better to remain calm it leaves me feeling like I took some unnecessary crap and left things unsaid. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Otter2569 Posted October 16, 2021 Author Share Posted October 16, 2021 9 hours ago, Happy Lemming said: In this case, I don't think it was about dollar value, but more about imposing hurt on the OP. I'm thinking she thought the sweatshirt meant a lot to him, because it was a gift from her daughter. Either that or the daughter wanted it for herself and the mother was glad to make that happen. Since the OP stated he was going to donate it to Goodwill, I'm sure he would have gladly included in the boxes of stuff the ex-girlfriend picked up. This was a miscalculation on her part, as she thought the sweatshirt held more sentimental value than it did. 100% The daughter bought the 3 of us matching sweatshirts so the action was clearly meant to send a message. GF would have been much more effective to "ask" for it back. For me the time and effort put in to planning this heist is mind numbing: she has barely been to my place in the last few months, I have several closets in my house and I can barely remember where I put my keys LOL Oh well, I hope they enjoy it! Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted October 16, 2021 Share Posted October 16, 2021 The sweatshirt was obviously of sentimental value to the daughter. That is why she went to great lengths to retrieve it, she was likely scared to ask in case you said no and her daughter would then be very disappointed. Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted October 16, 2021 Share Posted October 16, 2021 13 minutes ago, Otter2569 said: GF would have been much more effective to "ask" for it back. Think of the silver lining. Now you don't have to burn it. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
FMW Posted October 16, 2021 Share Posted October 16, 2021 The sweatshirt was given as a "family" gift, representing the three of you being connected. Taking the shirt was symbolically emphasizing the breaking of that connection. It's a childish move indicating she isn't handling the breakup well, proven by her response to you "calling her out" about taking it. If you are truly done with the relationship, I would recommend letting it go without further communication. You're not "taking crap", your just not sinking to her level and prolonging the drama. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Nothanks Posted October 16, 2021 Share Posted October 16, 2021 Her “great sweatshirt caper” was childish but certainly supports your decision to break up with her. A mature adult would have simply asked for it back. She wanted to feel like she got one over on you. Let her have her big sweatshirt win. You got the biggest win by getting rid of her. Hopefully she isn’t a bunny boiler and has enough self respect to stay out of your life for good. Just one suggestion for the future, if you date a woman and don’t like her kids (or she doesn’t like yours), end it. Nobody should come between a parent and child. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
glows Posted October 16, 2021 Share Posted October 16, 2021 2 hours ago, Otter2569 said: 100% The daughter bought the 3 of us matching sweatshirts so the action was clearly meant to send a message. GF would have been much more effective to "ask" for it back. For me the time and effort put in to planning this heist is mind numbing: she has barely been to my place in the last few months, I have several closets in my house and I can barely remember where I put my keys LOL Oh well, I hope they enjoy it! Or perhaps there was no message except for a clumsy and rude trespass into your home because she couldn't communicate. I wouldn't read into it too much. This is only confirmation you were poorly matched. Put a bowl near the front entrance for your keys. Link to post Share on other sites
Happy Lemming Posted October 16, 2021 Share Posted October 16, 2021 2 hours ago, Otter2569 said: ...and left things unsaid. In life, I have found it is better to take the "higher road" (and do what you did) "left things unsaid" especially when breaking up with a "crazy" woman. If you respond, then the matter escalates and you end up trying to extract yourself from an even bigger mess. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Otter2569 Posted October 16, 2021 Author Share Posted October 16, 2021 6 hours ago, elaine567 said: The sweatshirt was obviously of sentimental value to the daughter. That is why she went to great lengths to retrieve it, she was likely scared to ask in case you said no and her daughter would then be very disappointed. I would have gladly given it back. The only sentiment to those emotionless women was to stick it to me. I'd bet my paycheck on that! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Pumpernickel Posted October 16, 2021 Share Posted October 16, 2021 47 minutes ago, Otter2569 said: The only sentiment to those emotionless women was to stick it to me. Of course. Curious though why you decided to stick around for that long. I mean, the break up sounds like it was mutual, so my impression is that she felt the same way about you. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Otter2569 Posted October 16, 2021 Author Share Posted October 16, 2021 1 minute ago, Pumpernickel said: Of course. Curious though why you decided to stick around for that long. I mean, the break up sounds like it was mutual, so my impression is that she felt the same way about you. The companionship and the sex used to be very good while the emotional and time commitment was low. It was like dating a woman with a mans emotional needs. On top of that she would do most everything I suggested so I got almost everything I wanted. By that I mean date ideas, restaurant suggestions and sex not material things. That is why I hung on. Link to post Share on other sites
Pumpernickel Posted October 16, 2021 Share Posted October 16, 2021 14 minutes ago, Otter2569 said: The companionship and the sex used to be very good while the emotional and time commitment was low. It was like dating a woman with a mans emotional needs. On top of that she would do most everything I suggested so I got almost everything I wanted. By that I mean date ideas, restaurant suggestions and sex not material things. That is why I hung on. Sounds like a good deal. Not sure what was lacking. (For her or for you.) But something must’ve bothered her in order to break up with you. It was probably the incompatibility with the kid. Or your criticizing her kid. That would bother most women. Anyhow – glad it’s over and now you’re off to many new adventures, hopefully. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Otter2569 Posted October 16, 2021 Author Share Posted October 16, 2021 7 minutes ago, Pumpernickel said: Not sure what was lacking. (For her or for you.) But something must’ve bothered her in order to break up with you. It was probably the incompatibility with the kid. Or your criticizing her kid. That would bother most women. The list of things her daughter did could fill a book. At first she was so loving that I would have done anything for her. Then the lying and manipulation started so I stepped back. Then the rudeness, then the eating disorder, sexual promiscuity, then legal issues, then claims of anxiety and suicidal thoughts, then more lying and risky sexual behavior, then car accidents... I am not making light of any of this. I almost never criticized this girl (never ever to her face and concern to her mother - not that some situations didn't put me over the edge). Long story short: the girl rightfully required a lot of GFs time and effort including professional help IMO the girl maximized this negative for her moms attention and to separate us: no more weekends away or vacations or nights out. We couldn't date w/o her calling 5 times or going in to crisis. GF went into depression, gained 50 pounds, sex dropped off. We barely saw each other and when we did GF wanted to eat and sleep. I withdrew over time and here we are... Link to post Share on other sites
Pumpernickel Posted October 16, 2021 Share Posted October 16, 2021 Oh OK I wasn’t aware that the daughter was already a grown-up basically. Sounds like you were with them all during puberty. I would be careful blaming the daughter for your girlfriend’s issues. It is probably not true that she gained 50 pounds only because she was worried about her daughter and/or bc her daughter caused her grief and sorrow. There could be all kinds of reasons for that. Sure, overeating is often related to emotional distress. But can we agree that you didn’t necessarily support her when it comes to raising ger daughter? Not that it’s your job. Not at all. But you are dating a single mother and you want time from her and emotional support and what not - you need to return the “favor”. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Otter2569 Posted October 17, 2021 Author Share Posted October 17, 2021 2 hours ago, Pumpernickel said: Oh OK I wasn’t aware that the daughter was already a grown-up basically. Sounds like you were with them all during puberty. I would be careful blaming the daughter for your girlfriend’s issues. It is probably not true that she gained 50 pounds only because she was worried about her daughter and/or bc her daughter caused her grief and sorrow. There could be all kinds of reasons for that. Sure, overeating is often related to emotional distress. But can we agree that you didn’t necessarily support her when it comes to raising ger daughter? Not that it’s your job. Not at all. But you are dating a single mother and you want time from her and emotional support and what not - you need to return the “favor”. This girl used and took advantage of everyone around her. For years I walked on egg shells and put up with crap that I would never tolerate from my own kids. I'm sure I could have been more supportive but it was literally one issue after the other and each one worse than the last. GF had her seeing several professionals. I tried to be a good role model but this BS was a lot....and she is only 16!! At this point it is what it is, they have their sweatshirt back and we have moved on! Link to post Share on other sites
Nothanks Posted October 17, 2021 Share Posted October 17, 2021 (edited) 7 hours ago, Otter2569 said: On top of that she would do most everything I suggested so I got almost everything I wanted. By that I mean date ideas, restaurant suggestions and sex not material things. That is why I hung on. I know this sounds like a good thing but I see it as a red flag. I call it the “bait and switch”. Initially they agree with everything you say or do until you commit to each other and then the mask starts to slip and you learn who they really are….the hard way. Some people do this because they are desperate to be in a relationship. It can also get pretty frustrating having to make all the plans and decisions all the time. Anyway, to new beginnings! Edited October 17, 2021 by Nothanks 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Otter2569 Posted October 17, 2021 Author Share Posted October 17, 2021 5 hours ago, Nothanks said: It can also get pretty frustrating having to make all the plans and decisions all the time. Anyway, to new beginnings! At first it was awesome - every thing I thought of was a possibility and a reality. Trust me I did some fantastic things but then I felt guilty that I wasn't asking her opinion or taking her needs into consideration. Then I realized she had very few thoughts. She was much less outgoing than I was. It became frustrating as said. Once I stopped suggesting things coupled with her daughters increasing needs, we didnt do all that much. Link to post Share on other sites
Nothanks Posted October 17, 2021 Share Posted October 17, 2021 (edited) 5 hours ago, Otter2569 said: At first it was awesome - every thing I thought of was a possibility and a reality. Bait. 5 hours ago, Otter2569 said: Then I realized she had very few thoughts. She was much less outgoing than I was. It became frustrating as said. Once I stopped suggesting things coupled with her daughters increasing needs, we didnt do all that much. Switch. Any woman with self-confidence is going to express an opinion and have her own ideas. If she doesn’t and thinks everything you say and do is wonderful, she wants a relationship with you and is willing to mask her true self to get it. The bait phase is really tempting because she is mirroring back what you like and want. Hard to keep it going indefinitely though. Live and learn. Edited October 17, 2021 by Nothanks 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Otter2569 Posted October 18, 2021 Author Share Posted October 18, 2021 21 hours ago, Nothanks said: Bait. Switch. Any woman with self-confidence is going to express an opinion and have her own ideas. If she doesn’t and thinks everything you say and do is wonderful, she wants a relationship with you and is willing to mask her true self to get it..... Live and learn. Agree. She either couldn't or chose not to extend herself to deal with basic life decisions and actions like buying tires, hanging curtains, birthday shopping, cooking...all were outsourced (another red flag). She relied on everyone else including her daughter to get by (although it was not obvious from outward appearances) This is why her comments were initially hurtful. Oh well.. it is a new day 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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