Littleredridinghood Posted October 10, 2021 Share Posted October 10, 2021 (edited) Okay, so I met this guy online like almost 3 years ago, but we were purely friends and nothing more, but this year things took a different turn and he started to like me then fell for me, I think I started to like him back as well but unsure if I’m in love. The thing is, I love talking to him, we share the same sense of humor and he’s just a perfect long term relationship material, like genuine and nice, and I used to always pride myself with being genuine but I feel like I’m being nasty He says he trusts me completely and I lied about the fact that I still talk to other guys but I wasn’t being sexual with them or anything, but recently I’ve been swaying away and turning to others. We aren’t anything tbh, just two people liking each other, but I’m unsure if I feel that attracted to him, like I am but is it because he’s a guy and I just enjoy the attention and it’s just feeding my female ego or because I do feel attracted but at the same time feels kinda wrong to, like he’s never been my type initially and now I see it differently. It’s like I’m attracted but yet not. I like him a lot and I’m attached but I also seek other men, I don’t want a relationship but he’s the perfect relationship material and I’m afraid to love again. Is what I’m doing wrong? I don’t feel like I’m honest with myself nor with him and I feel like I’m just dragging him along yet I’m open to the possibility of a future with him, are my hormones leading me on? I’m confused! I’ve so many questions!!! I need your advice! Thank you. Edited October 13, 2021 by a LoveShack.org Moderator language Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted October 10, 2021 Share Posted October 10, 2021 16 minutes ago, Littleredridinghood said: he started to like me then fell for me, I think I started to like him back. We aren’t anything tbh, just two people liking each other Ok so you have talking and mutual like. You're not dating so no less are exclusive. Both of you are free to talk to date or like anyone you wish. Until he asks you on dates, wants to be exclusive and treats you as a GF, you're free. One note of caution .Nebulous situationships like this hold you back from real dating and real friends, because this in in a grey zone limbo. Link to post Share on other sites
salparadise Posted October 10, 2021 Share Posted October 10, 2021 Have you ever actually met in person, or is this just an online thing? Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted October 11, 2021 Share Posted October 11, 2021 9 hours ago, salparadise said: Have you ever actually met in person, or is this just an online thing? This is my question, too. Do you know this guy offline, OP? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Littleredridinghood Posted October 11, 2021 Author Share Posted October 11, 2021 3 hours ago, ExpatInItaly said: This is my question, too. Do you know this guy offline, OP? Nope, haven’t. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Littleredridinghood Posted October 11, 2021 Author Share Posted October 11, 2021 14 hours ago, Wiseman2 said: Ok so you have talking and mutual like. You're not dating so no less are exclusive. Both of you are free to talk to date or like anyone you wish. Until he asks you on dates, wants to be exclusive and treats you as a GF, you're free. One note of caution .Nebulous situationships like this hold you back from real dating and real friends, because this in in a grey zone limbo. I asked him if he considered me a gf and he said no but his behavior and actions are pushing for that to be wrong and it’s like in a way he’s sorta committed to me because he likes me this much, is just that we aren’t anything official either but are somehow committed emotionally only that I’m not that that involved emotionally as he is, for me is perhaps he could be a future potential and he’s more like, she’s like a wifey material almost. Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted October 11, 2021 Share Posted October 11, 2021 2 hours ago, Littleredridinghood said: Nope, haven’t. Ok, since you never met in person, then all you have to do is delete and block him from all your social media and messaging apps so you can date real-life, real people. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Littleredridinghood Posted October 11, 2021 Author Share Posted October 11, 2021 1 hour ago, Wiseman2 said: Ok, since you never met in person, then all you have to do is delete and block him from all your social media and messaging apps so you can date real-life, real people. Why? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted October 11, 2021 Share Posted October 11, 2021 If you have never met him in real life, you should not put yourself on hold for him. You don't even know if you like him that much so it doesn't make sense to have any sort of loyalty to him. You're not doing anything wrong by meeting other guys to potentially date. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
ASG Posted October 11, 2021 Share Posted October 11, 2021 57 minutes ago, Littleredridinghood said: Why? Wiseman is a big fan of the "delete and block". And that's how he advises every one deal with any break down in communication. Regading you situation, I would be upfront with this guy that you are still talking to other people, because... you're not together. You haven't even met! And that while you like him, you're not sure where things will go. Be honest. That is key here. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted October 11, 2021 Share Posted October 11, 2021 You asked him if you were his gf and he said no, so do not assume he thinks of you as "wifey material". He has told you where he stands, maybe best you listen to what he actually said rather than think you know better. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Littleredridinghood Posted October 11, 2021 Author Share Posted October 11, 2021 8 minutes ago, elaine567 said: You asked him if you were his gf and he said no, so do not assume he thinks of you as "wifey material". He has told you where he stands, maybe best you listen to what he actually said rather than think you know better. He said he considered me wifey material himself. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Littleredridinghood Posted October 11, 2021 Author Share Posted October 11, 2021 45 minutes ago, ASG said: Wiseman is a big fan of the "delete and block". And that's how he advises every one deal with any break down in communication. Regading you situation, I would be upfront with this guy that you are still talking to other people, because... you're not together. You haven't even met! And that while you like him, you're not sure where things will go. Be honest. That is key here. That’s my fear that he thinks we are way past just being exclusive because we like each other this much but yeah, I’m feeling a little bit differently so it’s best I tell him. Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted October 11, 2021 Share Posted October 11, 2021 10 minutes ago, Littleredridinghood said: He said he considered me wifey material himself. That speaks to his childish mentality. (along with this use of the word "wifey") He can't know how well you two would mesh in real life, let alone enough to make it a lifelong commitment. He is projecting a fantasy onto you, which says a lot about this man's emotional maturity. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Littleredridinghood Posted October 11, 2021 Author Share Posted October 11, 2021 14 minutes ago, ExpatInItaly said: That speaks to his childish mentality. (along with this use of the word "wifey") He can't know how well you two would mesh in real life, let alone enough to make it a lifelong commitment. He is projecting a fantasy onto you, which says a lot about this man's emotional maturity. Yep, I know, that’s why I’m keeping my options open, I’m more cautious or at least think I am. Link to post Share on other sites
BaileyB Posted October 12, 2021 Share Posted October 12, 2021 You are not doing anything wrong if you are honest with him and tell him that you want him as a friend, not a boyfriend. OP - after three years, if you haven’t met in person and you don’t know if you want to date the man - you DONT want to date the man. If you did, things would have progressed to an in person meeting… To me, this is a total waste of time. But, to each their own. Just tell the man that you value his friendship… Link to post Share on other sites
Nothanks Posted October 12, 2021 Share Posted October 12, 2021 This isn’t a real relationship. If exchanging text with someone you have never met constitutes a relationship, a lot of people on this forum are in big trouble. You are exchanging words with a complete stranger. That is it. And it could be unhealthy for you if it stops you from having a real (in person) relationship. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Littleredridinghood Posted October 12, 2021 Author Share Posted October 12, 2021 3 hours ago, BaileyB said: You are not doing anything wrong if you are honest with him and tell him that you want him as a friend, not a boyfriend. OP - after three years, if you haven’t met in person and you don’t know if you want to date the man - you DONT want to date the man. If you did, things would have progressed to an in person meeting… To me, this is a total waste of time. But, to each their own. Just tell the man that you value his friendship… I like him but I’m also keeping my options open and at the same time I just don’t feel ready to be in a relationship, I have my own issues as well. You could say I’m currently enjoying it casual with guys but me liking him as more than a friend is complicating things for me. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Littleredridinghood Posted October 12, 2021 Author Share Posted October 12, 2021 2 hours ago, Nothanks said: This isn’t a real relationship. If exchanging text with someone you have never met constitutes a relationship, a lot of people on this forum are in big trouble. You are exchanging words with a complete stranger. That is it. And it could be unhealthy for you if it stops you from having a real (in person) relationship. Just because it’s ldr doesn’t mean that the connection you share with that person is not real and that you should throw it to the wind, if we become really serious with each other we would consider meeting and see where it goes. Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted October 12, 2021 Share Posted October 12, 2021 27 minutes ago, Littleredridinghood said: if we become really serious with each other we would consider meeting and see where it goes. If you aren't already there after 3 years, it's never going to happen. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Littleredridinghood Posted October 12, 2021 Author Share Posted October 12, 2021 (edited) 20 minutes ago, ExpatInItaly said: If you aren't already there after 3 years, it's never going to happen. The first two years and half we were nothing but friends, it’s only this year, around may where we started to feel differently for each other. Edited October 12, 2021 by Littleredridinghood Link to post Share on other sites
Nothanks Posted October 12, 2021 Share Posted October 12, 2021 42 minutes ago, Littleredridinghood said: Just because it’s ldr But this isn’t an ldr. In an ldr, both people have already established a relationship and are committed to keep it going long distance. Look by all means keep up your written correspondence with him. That is not a problem unless it stops you from having a real relationship….you know…..one where you actually get to spend time with another person. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted October 12, 2021 Share Posted October 12, 2021 2 minutes ago, Littleredridinghood said: The first two years and half we were nothing but friends, it’s only this year, around may where we started to feel differently for each other. That's my point. If this had any legs to stand on, you'd have felt more by now. Link to post Share on other sites
Distraught1 Posted October 12, 2021 Share Posted October 12, 2021 May I ask why you haven't met in these three years? Even if as friends...if I made a friend and spent three years exchanging interests with them I would want to talk to hear thier voice, face time/virtual call or meet in-person. Has all contact been text? If so, why? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Littleredridinghood Posted October 12, 2021 Author Share Posted October 12, 2021 4 minutes ago, Distraught1 said: May I ask why you haven't met in these three years? Even if as friends...if I made a friend and spent three years exchanging interests with them I would want to talk to hear thier voice, face time/virtual call or meet in-person. Has all contact been text? If so, why? First of all, we weren’t even that close as friends, both didn’t have that interest to meet, it was casual chatting and sharing memes, but things started to change as we found we have more things in common and realized how much I enjoyed talking to him. We do virtually call every so often, we are both really shy and awkward so the open flirting is something we are recently experiencing. Link to post Share on other sites
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