Is what I'm doing wrong?

[Littleredridinghood]

20 minutes ago, ExpatInItaly said:

That's my point. 

If this had any legs to stand on, you'd have felt more by now. 

Not always, sometimes you get to know someone more over time and feeling start developing as well. 

[stillafool]

On 10/11/2021 at 8:04 AM, Littleredridinghood said:

I asked him if he considered me a gf and he said no but his behavior and actions are pushing for that to be wrong and it’s like in a way he’s sorta committed to me because he likes me this much, is just that we aren’t anything official either but are somehow committed emotionally only that I’m not that that involved emotionally as he is, for me is perhaps he could be a future potential and he’s more like, she’s like a wifey material almost. 

If he doesn't consider you a gf,  have never met you or taken you out I don't think he's very emotionally attached to you either.  What makes you think he is?   He's probably seeing and talking to other women as well.  Just carry on as you've been doing as this isn't going anywhere anyway because you don't see each other.

[stillafool]

22 hours ago, Littleredridinghood said:

That’s my fear that he thinks we are way past just being exclusive because we like each other this much but yeah, I’m feeling a little bit differently so it’s best I tell him. 

If he even remotely felt this way he would at least consider you his gf.  He does not and told you so. Where do you get these ideas?

[Littleredridinghood]

32 minutes ago, stillafool said:

If he even remotely felt this way he would at least consider you his gf.  He does not and told you so. Where do you get these ideas?

Why do you act as if I’m delusional, he even said he loved me but I didn’t say it, because I don’t think I’ve got to this point yet, what’s the point of getting in a relationship where we are still in a process. We have to be on the same page, we aren’t. 

Edited October 12, 2021 by Littleredridinghood

[Sun Seeker]

5 minutes ago, Littleredridinghood said:

Why do you act as if I’m delusional, he even said he loved me but I didn’t say it, because I don’t think I’ve got to this point yet, what’s the point of getting in a relationship where we are still in a process. We have to be on the same page, we aren’t. 

He said he loved you but you have never even met? Riiiight. Sounds like he is the delusional one.

You clearly enjoy living in this fantasy world and are ignoring everyone's advice that this is just a waste of time. So carry on messaging your virtual pen pal while the rest of us live in the real world.

[Littleredridinghood]

7 minutes ago, Sun Seeker said:

He said he loved you but you have never even met? Riiiight. Sounds like he is the delusional one.

You clearly enjoy living in this fantasy world and are ignoring everyone's advice that this is just a waste of time. So carry on messaging your virtual pen pal while the rest of us live in the real world.

Felt good saying this right? You obviously have never experienced this or if you did it went awry, projecting it onto my situation as if one shoe fits all is a bs analogy.
I’m very well aware that him saying that without meeting me is a bit foolish but to each of their own, that’s why I can’t feel the same way for him.

[ExpatInItaly]

1 hour ago, Littleredridinghood said:

Not always, sometimes you get to know someone more over time and feeling start developing as well. 

Of course, but the problem here is you have never met. 

Coming back to your original question, you are definitely doing nothing wrong by meeting or talking to other guys. You owe this one no loyalty and no explanation right now, and it would be unwise to do so. The other problem is that you appear very iffy about him, in that he appears to be a lot more swept up in this than you are. 

Sometimes we have to ask ourselves: do I like this person for who he really is (or seems to be, given that this is purley online right now), or am I generally just flattered by his attention? Would I be this interested in him if he were not whispering (digital) sweet nothings into my ear? 

Unless and until you can formulate an actual plan to meet, I would certainly date others. 

 

 

 

[stillafool]

31 minutes ago, Littleredridinghood said:

Why do you act as if I’m delusional, he even said he loved me but I didn’t say it, because I don’t think I’ve got to this point yet, what’s the point of getting in a relationship where we are still in a process. We have to be on the same page, we aren’t. 

You never said in your opening post that he said he loved you or you were wifey material until you were challenged.  All you said is that you guys "liked" each other.  Why would he not consider you a gf if he considers you wifey material and loves you?  That makes no sense whasover.  Just like you not being as serious about him as he is about you.  If not, this thread wouldn't exist.

[Littleredridinghood]

18 minutes ago, stillafool said:

You never said in your opening post that he said he loved you or you were wifey material until you were challenged.  All you said is that you guys "liked" each other.  Why would he not consider you a gf if he considers you wifey material and loves you?  That makes no sense whasover.  Just like you not being as serious about him as he is about you.  If not, this thread wouldn't exist.

Then I would proceed to ask him exactly that. 

[Littleredridinghood]

45 minutes ago, ExpatInItaly said:

Of course, but the problem here is you have never met. 

Coming back to your original question, you are definitely doing nothing wrong by meeting or talking to other guys. You owe this one no loyalty and no explanation right now, and it would be unwise to do so. The other problem is that you appear very iffy about him, in that he appears to be a lot more swept up in this than you are. 

Sometimes we have to ask ourselves: do I like this person for who he really is (or seems to be, given that this is purley online right now), or am I generally just flattered by his attention? Would I be this interested in him if he were not whispering (digital) sweet nothings into my ear? 

Unless and until you can formulate an actual plan to meet, I would certainly date others. 

 

 

 

Well if overtime I choose him, I’ll definitely want to meet. But you made me ponder, is it the attention I’m enjoying or do I actually consider him more seriously although it’s still online. 
That’s why I came on here, to make sure I’m not doing anything wrong here. And to also gain clarity on my feelings. 

[glows]

I don't think you're doing anything wrong at all. Why such a notion? You're only texting or chatting buddies with these individuals. There is no relationship at all and you haven't met any of them. I would say that this much chatting could be holding you back from actually developing more meaningful relationships in person. You may want to consider limiting these types of interactions in general if you are finding you are wanting something more substantial. 

[Littleredridinghood]

1 hour ago, glows said:

I don't think you're doing anything wrong at all. Why such a notion? You're only texting or chatting buddies with these individuals. There is no relationship at all and you haven't met any of them. I would say that this much chatting could be holding you back from actually developing more meaningful relationships in person. You may want to consider limiting these types of interactions in general if you are finding you are wanting something more substantial. 

Thank you for your sensible approach. Although I believe I can still develop meaningful relationships over distance. Most people would just give up on the connection or potential altogether because of the distance.

[glows]

6 hours ago, Littleredridinghood said:

Thank you for your sensible approach. Although I believe I can still develop meaningful relationships over distance. Most people would just give up on the connection or potential altogether because of the distance.

I agree. However that's a whole other topic. As long as you are clear with yourself and what your boundaries and limits are, you can do anything you want and likely find others to reciprocate. Try to avoid confusion, confusing situations for yourself, and confusing individuals. 

[Wiseman2]

12 hours ago, Littleredridinghood said:

Well if overtime I choose him, I’ll definitely want to meet. 

Is this a dating site? Why would you initiate something like this over a distance?

What do you mean by "choose him"?

Choose to meet in person?

[salparadise]

9 hours ago, Littleredridinghood said:

Although I believe I can still develop meaningful relationships over distance. Most people would just give up on the connection or potential altogether because of the distance.

It's not so much the distance as the fact that you haven't met and spent real time together. You're sort of stuck in the ambiguity between a sweet fantasy and the actuality. One thing that is known by those who've been around the block a time or two... the impression you develop from messaging online is not the same as it will feel when you actually meet. You said, "if overtime I choose him, I’ll definitely want to meet," but that's reversing the order. Meet so you can see how it feels and decide if you're really interested in him. If the distance is too great to arrange that soon, it's probably best to limit how invested you become (and him as well).

Edited October 13, 2021 by salparadise

[Littleredridinghood]

4 hours ago, Wiseman2 said:

Is this a dating site? Why would you initiate something like this over a distance?

What do you mean by "choose him"?

Choose to meet in person?

It’s not a dating site. Yeah, choose to meet in person. 

[Littleredridinghood]

1 hour ago, salparadise said:

It's not so much the distance as the fact that you haven't met and spent real time together. You're sort of stuck in the ambiguity between a sweet fantasy and the actuality. One thing that is known by those who've been around the block a time or two... the impression you develop from messaging online is not the same as it will feel when you actually meet. You said, "if overtime I choose him, I’ll definitely want to meet," but that's reversing the order. Meet so you can see how it feels and decide if you're really interested in him. If the distance is too great to arrange that soon, it's probably best to limit how invested you become (and him as well).

Yeah, I fully get what you mean. I could be interested enough to meet him and after I do, I will decide if it’s worth it continuing the connection. It would suck of course that I like him but in person is another story but I can handle a disappointment. I didn’t plan to ever see him as more than just friends, I didn’t plan to even consider any relationship with a guy, it all just happened unexpectedly and now I’m here like, what am I going to do. 

[ExpatInItaly]

30 minutes ago, Littleredridinghood said:

I could be interested enough to meet him

This rings back to something I said earlier in this thread. 

If you don't know if you even want to meet the guy after all this time, then I don't think you are actually all that interested in him. You appear to like him okay, but not that much. One would generally know after speaking for this long whether they were keen to meet for the first time. You don't seem too eager about that, so I would advise you to listen to what your gut seems to be telling you here. 

Edited October 13, 2021 by ExpatInItaly

[Littleredridinghood]

1 hour ago, ExpatInItaly said:

This rings back to something I said earlier in this thread. 

If you don't know if you even want to meet the guy after all this time, then I don't think you are actually all that interested in him. You appear to like him okay, but not that much. One would generally know after speaking for this long whether they were keen to meet for the first time. You don't seem too eager about that, so I would advise you to listen to what your gut seems to be telling you here. 

You might be right and I have had those same thoughts. I could just be attached to him and my loneliness and insecurities overshadow my real feelings for him. I have to come to terms with my feelings and be extra honest with myself, do I really like him, if I do, why I’m so conflicted about it, if I don’t, then it would just prove that I’ve been feeding off his attention so I don’t feel lonely. 
Thank you.