Tired of suffering. When will it be my turn to be happy?

[lovers]

I am tired of suffering.

Financially

- For as long as I can remember I have always tried to do the "right thing" and be a good person. Go to school, get a job, delay your gratification so that one day you will prosper. I tried to do the right thing by majoring in something that other people mainly relatives wanted me to be. Please them in a sense. That didn't work out which left me in tons of debt so I took an alternate route.

I turned my back on the expectations I am now doing what I want to do. I am trying to get back to where I feel like I should be and just turned my life around recently. I am making 6 figures and trying to live cheaply, save and invest my money but it still hasn't paid off. I am 30 years old yet still live like a broke college student.

I am usually kind, act humble, live below my means, yet I see others especially a relative of mines who act cocky when they were fed a silver spoon, got college paid for, car paid for, don't have to worry about anything but school. Got snow plow parents now got a good job and with new found status influx of women.

I try to help out my parents financially. Taking them to vacation yet its never good enough. So and so kids got them a new car after we literally got back from vacation that I paid for. I am sorry I didn't have you guys who paved the way for my college, paid for my living costs etc.... I had to do it all on my own and paid for it on my own. So now I am turning selfish and making me priority.

Women

- Always seen women I talk to and them being doom and gloom about them being single when they only been single for a couple months. I comfort them when I have been single for a LONG time. Eventually these women fall off and they find their boyfriends. They get married and live happy lives. All my ex girlfriends are in relationships or found someone. I am still single and living a lonely life. Can I just be happy for once? When will I be able to find someone long term? Yet I suffer more than these people and never complain about it until now. I try to put on a happy face. That everything is okay. That I am okay. When in fact I suffer in silence.

Friends

- The older I get the less friends I tend to have. Just tired of me putting in more effort than my friends. I am usually the one who says how have you been? It would be nice if some friends initiating a message to me and ask me how I have been. I get that we are all busy. I am busy too and in fact maybe more busy than my friends. I work a 6 figure job and I work 40+ plus hours a week yet I still manage time to chat and respond to messages in a timely manner. One friend I cut off cause he only cares about himself. If he wants to hang out its so he can talk about himself and I just act like a good friend and listen yet when I talk his mind wanders cause he only wants to talk about himself. I am tired of it all.

Edited October 11, 2021 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
language

[Foxhall]

10 hours ago, lovers said:

For as long as I can remember I have always tried to do the "right thing" and be a good person

Perhaps it is time you start doing your own thing, who are you trying to please and why?

Do you like the job other than the money? you must by doing something right if your earning that much.

women: well your salary is not a bad starting point in terms of attracting one. why are you showing a frugal image- you have the money to sell yourself promote yourself as a desirable man.

friends: I would not stress too much on this- if friends or indeed women either are not meeting you half way-they are not worth the effort,

relax a little and take time to enjoy yourself indulge your hobbies. no need to feel as uptight,

I think if you loosen up you will find a happier place within.

Edited October 11, 2021 by Foxhall

[mark clemson]

17 hours ago, lovers said:

Women

If you're looking to improve yourself in this area, it might be helpful to read "A Billion Wicked Thoughts" which is a "big data" study of human sexuality. It's a long read, but if you focus primarily on the chapters on women's sexual interest, you might find out a lot that is quite helpful about "how women tick" WRT to their sexual/romantic interest. If you can learn to apply this info it may help you stop being "friendzoned" by these women you know.

17 hours ago, lovers said:

Friends

I think friends becoming less "important" as one ages is actually normal for many if not most people. Rather than expecting friends to find you interesting just in-and-of yourself when you are older, I think it's important to focus on a friendship group based on common interests such as a hobby.

[spiderowl]

It does sound like you are quite depressed about your situation, OP.

Are you still in debt?  If you are making a 6-figure salary, then you should be ok financially unless you are paying off huge debts or something.  If you are ok financially, then you are still holding resentment about it having been tough.  I can understand that, though holding resentment is not going to help you to make a new start and build a happier life.  As you have found, not everyone is born with a silver spoon in their mouth.  It is unfair, it is just what we are dealt with. Dwelling on it is only going to make you unhappy.

It does sound like you have friends, female friends too.  I would surmise (but please tell me if I'm wrong) that some of them are married and have children.  This could be why they are not very responsive.  I know it is no excuse, but looking after children while working is tough, it takes up all your time and energy.  As the children get older, your life revolves around supporting their social activities.  I have neglected friends at that time - not deliberately, just from exhaustion and because I had post-natal depression.  Life was hard and I was in survival mode.  

I know it's not fair but if you are a single guy, then you might end up having to take the initiative to meet friends.  I know you would rather be spending time with your own girlfriend.

It is possible that you are suffering from depression and that that is clouding your view of everything.  It might be worth seeing your doc for an assessment.  If you can afford it, I would recommend that you find a good therapist who will listen.  It sounds like you have a lot of grievances from the past that you need to get off your chest.  You know what they say, a trouble shared is a trouble halved.

Edited October 25, 2021 by spiderowl

[AngryGromit]

On 10/11/2021 at 8:04 AM, Foxhall said:

women: well your salary is not a bad starting point in terms of attracting one. why are you showing a frugal image- you have the money to sell yourself promote yourself as a desirable man.

This is a double edged sword, while showing prospective mates that you are a higher economic social status class,  you may attract the wrong type of women that do not have the same views about money then you have. They may want use you like there personal piggy bank, spend spend spend.  

You mentioned tons of debt and your living frugally now, were you able to pay off this debt? You really shouldn't be taking anyone one vacation if you have a mountain of debt hanging over you. Student Debt can really affect your future, even if you have the Girlfriend that has the same values of you.  It can prevent you from buying a house, car, retirement, it's really a ball and chain around your neck. I would focus on dealing with this issue first.   

Edited November 8, 2021 by AngryGromit