Torn

[Phoenix13Nash]

So I’m kind of in a complicated situation. My ex or friend or whatever you want to call it, broke up with me recently. We are from two different states. 
 

We had dated for five years and then broke up for 4 years before finally getting back together. We had been back together this past 1.5 years before she broke up with me again in September. During the initial 5 years, I was messaging other girls in the first two years during high school and college. What’s more is that I was highly dependent on my parents. What I can say is that I learned plenty from my mistakes and haven’t cheated on her since getting back together.  It’s worth noting she had a tendency to be emotionally abusive to me back then. What ended up triggering the new break up was that her current coworkers talked smack about how their exes cheated and never changed, and that just triggered her to break down. So it started as a break, but ended up becoming a break up in her words. 
 

We’ve been talking still like nothing happened, texts and calls, but no “i love you” anymore”or babe. She kept her FB status as “in a relationship” but switched it to private. When I asked her if she would be seeing other guys she’d reply “I’m single and too busy with work, that’s all you need to know.”  But when I invited her on a trip, she said that we could go and possible intimacy might be involved. Ultimately, she gave me an ultimatum, “move to my state if you want to be with me.” She says it’s the man’s responsibility to move and that because I have a career (and she doesn’t btw, she’s in a temporary job and still in school pursuing her career), that I have an obligation to move. What’s more, she’s not even guaranteeing me that she would be with me if I begun a transition. She says “I’m not waiting for you.” And “if you’re too late, then you’re too late.” And “should have thought about that before you begun your career and made your choice”.  Keep in mind we were only “talking” when I was studying to get licensed, and busting tail to be with her. What’s more is her logic is along the lines of “if you live here, then i would be able to trust you again. Because you’d always be here.” It doesn’t make sense. And she expects me to drop my career that I busted my tail to earn, and possibly my license since I would have to transfer. Logically it would just be easier for her to move but she hates my state and hometown. 

enter my family now. They hate her and say I need to stop talking with her. From her stand point, I can understand why she has some resentment toward me but I don’t understand why my family hates her so much. They say she’s the reason I took 9 years instead of 8 to finish my degree. They say she is toxic and that she is taking my attention from finding someone locally, and ultimately someone who would be much nicer. I was telling my mom about a trip I intend to take to see an NFL game and she said she’s stressed out because 1.) i would be traveling alone and 2.) I would be secretly meeting this girl. I feel like im a little stuck because my family has a big influence in my life. I still live with them since I have loans to pay, but it’s not like I don’t pay bills, do errands, help around the house etc. I think I’m an independent man who can make my own choices, but I know they’re just coming from a good place. 
 

I don’t know. I guess I just can’t win right now. I feel stuck and torn.

[ExpatInItaly]

This relationship ran its course a long time ago, and it's too damaged to be repaired. 

It's time to go your separate ways for good. 

[Wiseman2]

4 hours ago, Phoenix13Nash said:

 enter my family now. They hate her and say I need to stop talking with her. 

Ok. Good advice from your family.

Why waste your time on this?

Delete and block her and all her people from ALL your social media and messaging apps.

Get more involved in local life. Work harder, take classes, get a side hustle, get in shape, join some groups and clubs, volunteer.

You seem bored, fix that and you'll have no time for this go nowhere situation.