John 1234 Posted October 11, 2021 Share Posted October 11, 2021 So very brief outline, I split with my wife 19 months ago, I had meaningless sex with a girl and my wife found out, we did stay together for 5 months after that to try and work it out. I'm not excusing my behaviour, it was a horrible low thing to do, but our relationship wasn't good for many reasons and when I got found out, my initial reaction was relief as I thought that was us split up. Anyway 5 months later we split up and I moved into a flat and I was upset but not overly so, we eventually sold marital house and ex bought new house, I was there lots helping with DIY etc but nothing more and things were amicable mostly. However when I bought my own at end of March home, my ex went funny with me and distant and nasty messages, slating me to other people and all the while I just ignored and still felt emotionally stable, then just a few weeks ago all went quiet from her and I started to think more and more about her, and what she was up to, and she told me, after I asked that she was seeing someone new, and that spiralled my emotions out of control, then a few days later when she was dropping dog off she handed me an envelope with Divorce papers to sign. I don't know what I'm trying to get at here but just guess I don't understand why I'm feeling so emotional about it all after so long. And why the delayed reaction as I was quite content the few months leading up to this. Aaaaaarrrrghhhh Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted October 11, 2021 Share Posted October 11, 2021 It's probably because the divorce papers are the final chapter of your marriage. Also the thought of your soon to be ex wife having sex with another man. Perhaps there's also some guilt involved on your part about the demise of your marriage. These emotions seem normal considering the circumstances. Do you want her back? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
vla1120 Posted October 11, 2021 Share Posted October 11, 2021 Do you have children or are you just sharing custody of the dog? It sounds like you were okay until you started thinking about her being with someone else? You also indicated that she didn't get weird until you bought your house. Maybe there was some part of her that hoped you would reconcile (if you were over there helping her with DIY projects, etc.) If you do not have children, you should be able to cut ties pretty easily and move on with your life. When you start yearning for her, remember all the reasons you said your relationship was not good. I suspect once you get over this hump of signing the divorce papers, it will be easier. Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted October 11, 2021 Share Posted October 11, 2021 1 hour ago, John 1234 said: I asked that she was seeing someone new, and that spiralled my emotions out of control, then a few days later when she was dropping dog off she handed me an envelope with Divorce papers to sign. Ok you both know it's been over for a long time. Pull the trigger and sign the papers. After that, don't try to stay friends or ask about each other's personal lives. Link to post Share on other sites
Author John 1234 Posted October 11, 2021 Author Share Posted October 11, 2021 Thanks guys, I hear what your all saying and totally agree, it's good to vent it off. I signed the Divorce papers and sent them back to her the very same night, it's just so final. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Marsden Posted October 11, 2021 Share Posted October 11, 2021 Having been through a similar situation (no cheating though) I will offer one piece of advice. Keep the conversations with ex to a minimum, and about business only. There should never be a question asked about if she is seeing someone else. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Nothanks Posted October 12, 2021 Share Posted October 12, 2021 I think you may be feeling this way because at that point in time you realized her feelings for you have changed and will never be the same. You are experiencing loss and sometimes the grieving process is not linear. Limiting contact with her is best for both of you. Link to post Share on other sites
lonelyplanetmoon Posted October 13, 2021 Share Posted October 13, 2021 It all comes down to your ego realizing that you are replaceable. We all go through it. It has nothing to do with you loving her if that is what you are wondering. Link to post Share on other sites
Goodguy05 Posted October 16, 2021 Share Posted October 16, 2021 Same thing happened with my ex wife minus the cheating. When it came to finalising the divorce papers it really hit me I was a hot mess Link to post Share on other sites
FMW Posted October 16, 2021 Share Posted October 16, 2021 It's normal. I chose to divorce and by the time I did I was absolutely sure it was the right thing to do. But when I received the official papers that the divorce was final I still felt sad. Divorce isn't something most people take lightly, even when it's what they want. Link to post Share on other sites
glows Posted October 16, 2021 Share Posted October 16, 2021 I was ecstatic when I received the final order (divorce finalized) from the court. I went out with friends to celebrate that same evening. A huge weight had lifted as I'd been trying to end it for awhile. However, the divorce process was very difficult months prior and that was the last time I shed tears or felt bad about that period of my life. What you're feeling is very normal and ok. You seem like a giving and generous person working on her house and offering to help your ex to a new place. Focus on your home now and your own life. Link to post Share on other sites
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