Contacting someone who broke things off.

[bluefhill]

Hi All. I am someone in my early 30's who has recently posted about my situation where someone who I was dating for a short time messaged to say they did not want to continue due to not feeling a romantic connection. Everything seemed to be going fine and she initially seemed more keen than me. We had been working together for a number of months, and before she left she asked me out. I really liked her before she asked me out and was amazed when she did, as I thought she was out of my league and would not be interested. It turned out she was very interested. However I never really showed her that I was that confident and used a lot of self-deprecating humour, and I think that was one of the reasons she decided not to continue dating. At the time I was going through a lot of stress, and I think that showed. I didn't speak to her about this as we had only been dating for a short while. We slept together on the last date and she was still acting really keen on meeting up again, however a week later she messaged out of the blue to say she wasn't feeling it. She has a big professional exam coming up that takes all your time (I have done it and its a killer), so she also had some stressful stuff to deal with as well. I have not contacted her since (apart from to reply to the breaking things off message). However I do want to ask her out one more time, as I know I would regret it if I didn't. Some of the stressful stuff I was dealing with is sorted now and I feel better able to concentrate on any dates. I do realise that she is likely to say no and most people would say to just move on, however I really want to try just once. I am constantly thinking about her still, and have not met anyone I have been this into before. What is the best way to reinitiate contact? She is currently working in the region and the exam will be over soon. I was thinking of messaging after it is done, but I have not idea what to say. Does anyone have any advice? For those who will say to move on, I get that, but I have made up my mind that I want to try one more time, and will leave it there if she says no.

[stillafool]

Just call her and tell her (yeah tell her don't ask) you want to take her to dinner.  If she asks why tell her because you can't stop thinking about her.  What harm would it do?  You've already made up your mind to ask her out.

Edited October 11, 2021 by stillafool

[Sun Seeker]

No... Just no.

In your previous topic you stated she did not reply to your reply to her message saying she did not feel a romantic connection. You are now coming across as selfish and extremely desperate. It's not all about you you you. She made her decision, you should respect it.

If she wanted to go out with you again, she knows how to contact you. Do not start chasing after her, it will get you nowhere.

There's nothing brave or masculine or confident etc by 'trying one more time because I will regret if I don't'. It's actually the opposite, it shows your lack of confidence to be able to meet another women, which is what you need to do.

You say you have no experience with women and have had no relationships, so take it from someone who has all that experience and a lot more: do not message her again. Meet other women.

[Allupinnit]

No dude - she's not feeling it and you're not just going to magically change into someone she likes just because you're "less stressed."  Maybe the sex wasn't to her liking, who knows, but she dumped you and you need to leave it alone.

 

[Wiseman2]

1 hour ago, bluefhill said:

She has a big professional exam coming up that takes all your time (I have done it and its a killer), so she also had some stressful stuff to deal with as well.

Ok, if you feel this wasn't a friendzone speech, test the waters by sending a 'how was the exam?' or similar neutral  communication. If there's a lame or very delayed  response, then you'll have closure.

[Foxhall]

Maybe wait until after the exam and suggest a coffee as friends,

see if you can recreate the initial spark then,

sometimes they can get a bit hormonal  and feel very emotional around the time of their monthly cycle, maybe that was a factor in her calling it off!

(lol not saying I know a lot about that)

anyways trying for you as they say-trying to give you some hope- good luck!

 

[Saracena]

Another big NO here. She was very direct (and explicit) as to why she broke up with you and no amount of explaining on your side will change her mind.  Be thankful for her frankness.  She'll most likely think it's and excuse anyway.

However, make a mental note that if something like this happens again in the future,  say what you want to say at the time!