Poeticjustice1707 Posted October 12, 2021 Share Posted October 12, 2021 Ok I will try to make this as short as possible. Some 14 years back this woman and I start a physical relationship. She had a girlfriend at the time and I was the dude on the side. We had amazing chemistry and connection but I was more than what she was looking for at the time. We have remained distant friends over the years, every time we connect we reach that tipping point where we might cross the line and in the past have opted to back off and return to just being "friends". Well fast forward, she is married, barely happy from what I can tell, one kid involved but not hers biologically. I'm married about to start the divorce process. One kid on my end, not mine biologically. After all these years our connection is still as strong and admittedly we've crossed the boundaries we had once set. Sexting, video chatting, but most important to me, she wants kids of her own now and there is honestly no greater woman that I would want to have kids with. We talk often about a future but she is still uncertain if she would be willing to end her 10 year relationship. I am just lost because literally it's all there, we check so many of each other's boxes it's insane. We make each other laugh and smile and our dreams of the future align so perfectly. My biggest fear is that once again I end up just the man on the side, being half fulfilled by the perfect vessel. I'm afraid it won't be enough. I don't want to experience bliss only to sleep alone in a bed we just shared. On the other hand I'm pretty sure letting her go again might be too much to bear. I honestly just want to be the person to make her happy. Love her, support her and her dreams, spend my life with her. I write her messages outlying how I feel in an attempt to win her over, let her know that I'd be there for her if she would simply choose me this time but I'm afraid I'm pushing too hard. Please send help because I feel like I'm losing my mind but losing this woman would be so much worse. Link to post Share on other sites
Darren Steez Posted October 12, 2021 Share Posted October 12, 2021 No. Losing this woman and any kids you bring into this world would be much worse. What's cheaper than going to a sperm bank? Calling an ex. Run while you can. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
mark clemson Posted October 12, 2021 Share Posted October 12, 2021 (edited) All things are transitory and there are no guarantees in life. Therefore, you can't have a fulfilling relationship without the risk of it ending. No one can: everyone in a relationship (good or bad) is taking that risk. You'll have to decide whether it makes sense to roll the dice here or not. Edited October 12, 2021 by mark clemson 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted October 12, 2021 Share Posted October 12, 2021 11 hours ago, Poeticjustice1707 said: she is married, barely happy from what I can tell, one kid involved but not hers biologically. I'm married about to start the divorce process. Sorry this is happening. In the throes of your divorce, you are looking at freer happier times. She's sadly giving you the classic "my spouse doesn't understand me" line. If this is for soothing your divorce pain or a transition until you are settled and free and clear to date, then she takes her risks that a cheater like her will look pretty ugly down the road when you're healed from your divorce. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Myabee Posted October 12, 2021 Share Posted October 12, 2021 Straight to the point. Please head to the hills and fast. I see nothing good coming from any of this. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Bonifidelifelover Posted October 13, 2021 Share Posted October 13, 2021 Seems to me with even the past connection to her that you are clearly rebounding or trying to. It’s never a good thing when ur barely jumping out of a relationship straight into another. Take the time to sort out ur emotions. is she married to the girl ? Link to post Share on other sites
Allupinnit Posted October 13, 2021 Share Posted October 13, 2021 How do you know she's unhappy in her marriage? People who get divorced thinking they simply married the "wrong" person are often mistaken. Happy takes work in a marriage; it doesn't happen seamlessly. She used you for sex in the past yet you have this fantasy in your head that she would make the perfect wife for you - why? Has she shown you that in the past? You're on the rebound. Get through your divorce, do not start an affair with this woman. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
glows Posted October 13, 2021 Share Posted October 13, 2021 On 10/11/2021 at 10:17 PM, Poeticjustice1707 said: My biggest fear is that once again I end up just the man on the side, being half fulfilled by the perfect vessel. I'm afraid it won't be enough. I don't want to experience bliss only to sleep alone in a bed we just shared. On the other hand I'm pretty sure letting her go again might be too much to bear. I honestly just want to be the person to make her happy. Love her, support her and her dreams, spend my life with her. I write her messages outlying how I feel in an attempt to win her over, let her know that I'd be there for her if she would simply choose me this time but I'm afraid I'm pushing too hard. Please send help because I feel like I'm losing my mind but losing this woman would be so much worse. She's not yours to have in the first place so you can't "lose" her. Your fears are founded and a pretty good sign that you're not ready to be in a relationship with anyone else right now. Distance yourself and go through with your divorce. I agree with the others you're seeking to fill a void and rebound. Link to post Share on other sites
BaileyB Posted October 13, 2021 Share Posted October 13, 2021 On 10/12/2021 at 12:17 AM, Poeticjustice1707 said: I am just lost because literally it's all there, we check so many of each other's boxes it's insane. You check all each other’s boxes except one very important box - single and available. On 10/12/2021 at 12:17 AM, Poeticjustice1707 said: she is married, barely happy from what I can tell From what you can tell… what do you know though, really? If she was barely happy, she would not be saying this - On 10/12/2021 at 12:17 AM, Poeticjustice1707 said: We talk often about a future but she is uncertain if she would be willing to end her 10 year relationship. Considering that she is uncertain if she is willing to end her 10 year relationship, any talk of the future is irrelevant. It’s rather meaningless, don’t you think, if she’s not willing to make a decision and act. Link to post Share on other sites
pepperbird2 Posted October 14, 2021 Share Posted October 14, 2021 (edited) On 10/12/2021 at 2:17 AM, Poeticjustice1707 said: Ok I will try to make this as short as possible. Some 14 years back this woman and I start a physical relationship. She had a girlfriend at the time and I was the dude on the side. We had amazing chemistry and connection but I was more than what she was looking for at the time. We have remained distant friends over the years, every time we connect we reach that tipping point where we might cross the line and in the past have opted to back off and return to just being "friends". Well fast forward, she is married, barely happy from what I can tell, one kid involved but not hers biologically. I'm married about to start the divorce process. One kid on my end, not mine biologically. After all these years our connection is still as strong and admittedly we've crossed the boundaries we had once set. Sexting, video chatting, but most important to me, she wants kids of her own now and there is honestly no greater woman that I would want to have kids with. We talk often about a future but she is still uncertain if she would be willing to end her 10 year relationship. I am just lost because literally it's all there, we check so many of each other's boxes it's insane. We make each other laugh and smile and our dreams of the future align so perfectly. My biggest fear is that once again I end up just the man on the side, being half fulfilled by the perfect vessel. I'm afraid it won't be enough. I don't want to experience bliss only to sleep alone in a bed we just shared. On the other hand I'm pretty sure letting her go again might be too much to bear. I honestly just want to be the person to make her happy. Love her, support her and her dreams, spend my life with her. I write her messages outlying how I feel in an attempt to win her over, let her know that I'd be there for her if she would simply choose me this time but I'm afraid I'm pushing too hard. Please send help because I feel like I'm losing my mind but losing this woman would be so much worse. Sounds to me like she's monkey branching. Too scared to leave her marriage unless she has a soft place to fall. You are that soft place. That may sound great, but say she does leave to be with you- what then? What happens if, after she's picked herself up, dusted herself off, she decides she likes her freedom ? Where will that leave you? Have you considered telling her that she needs to end her current relationship first, and then once the dust has settled, you'll be ready and waiting for her, ? The caveat being she has to be 100 percent done with her marriage? Edited October 14, 2021 by pepperbird2 Link to post Share on other sites
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