Alex3310 Posted October 12, 2021 Share Posted October 12, 2021 My ex-girlfriend and I have a very good relationship and still feelings for each other. During Corona she lost her job and I supported her financially throughout. We only separated because it was long distance and difficult to maintain. She video called me about six weeks ago. I didn’t see it and called her back via WhatsApp the next day, she didn’t answer. I called her via the network (which is expensive), she answered but acted like she doesn’t know who’s on the other end. I told her I’ll call her on WhatsApp due to the cost. Since then she has never taken my call or replied to my messages, in fact she did not even open them. Even when I told her I’m in her city there was no reaction. I have no idea what could have happened from one day to another, everything was normal up until then. She also seems to have vanished of social media and WhatsApp often not coming online for several days and then only for very short periods. Anyone has an idea what could be be going on? Link to post Share on other sites
Blind-Sided Posted October 12, 2021 Share Posted October 12, 2021 OK... I don't want to sound harsh... but it's a long distance exGF? What's the issue? I understand you may want to talk with her... but she doesn't, and you are not together. Stop trying to contact her, and just move on. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted October 12, 2021 Share Posted October 12, 2021 Is it possible she's dating someone new and wants to cut ties and (appropriately) focus on a new relationship rather than hanging onto an ex? Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted October 15, 2021 Share Posted October 15, 2021 It sounds like she has a new boyfriend. This is why she played dumb when you called her. He was probably right there beside her and she didn’t want him to know who was calling her. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
kendahke Posted October 15, 2021 Share Posted October 15, 2021 On 10/12/2021 at 9:16 AM, Alex3310 said: Anyone has an idea what could be be going on? She's got a new man she's test driving... she's waiting to see if it will work out before telling you that she's moving on with her life--also known as monkey branching. Accept that this is done. Time for you to move on. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Alex3310 Posted October 15, 2021 Author Share Posted October 15, 2021 On 10/12/2021 at 5:56 PM, Blind-Sided said: OK... I don't want to sound harsh... but it's a long distance exGF? What's the issue? I understand you may want to talk with her... but she doesn't, and you are not together. Stop trying to contact her, and just move on. Well it wasn’t just any long distance relationship, we travelled together Internationally, we have a lot in common and I actually grew even fonder of her as time went by and was hoping we could give it another go. She also told me numerous times she misses me and is thinking about me. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Alex3310 Posted October 15, 2021 Author Share Posted October 15, 2021 On 10/12/2021 at 5:56 PM, Wiseman2 said: Is it possible she's dating someone new and wants to cut ties and (appropriately) focus on a new relationship rather than hanging onto an ex? But we were talking normally every few days prior. Our last chat she said she started designing clothes and it’s going well and she wants to pay me back for my support, why would she video call (which I missed) one day before starting to ignore me Link to post Share on other sites
Author Alex3310 Posted October 15, 2021 Author Share Posted October 15, 2021 3 hours ago, ExpatInItaly said: It sounds like she has a new boyfriend. This is why she played dumb when you called her. He was probably right there beside her and she didn’t want him to know who was calling her. That thought also crossed my mind, but I can’t believe she respects me this little after everything we been through to not even tell me. Why would she video call me the evening prior and then never talk to me again. The last chat we had she said she started a new business and it’s going well and she wants to pay me back for the support I had given her. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Alex3310 Posted October 15, 2021 Author Share Posted October 15, 2021 1 hour ago, kendahke said: She's got a new man she's test driving... she's waiting to see if it will work out before telling you that she's moving on with her life--also known as monkey branching. Accept that this is done. Time for you to move on. If that is truly the case it means I never really knew her. We’ve been through a lot and that would be hugely disrespectful. Why would she video call (which I missed) me the evening prior and then never talk to me again. The last chat we had she said she started a new business and it’s going well and she wants to pay me back for the support I had given her. It’s also strange that she almost stopped using WhatsApp, Facebook etc. often just coming online for a minute every very couple of days, unless she is using a second number at the same time Link to post Share on other sites
Distraught1 Posted October 15, 2021 Share Posted October 15, 2021 5 minutes ago, Alex3310 said: she wants to pay me back for the support I had given her. Is it possible she thought about this and is now avoiding you so she doesn't have to pay you back? I know it's super cruel - how much $ are we talking here? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Alex3310 Posted October 15, 2021 Author Share Posted October 15, 2021 10 minutes ago, Distraught1 said: Is it possible she thought about this and is now avoiding you so she doesn't have to pay you back? I know it's super cruel - how much $ are we talking here? I am very generous, she knows I don’t really care about the money, it’s a couple of thousand. I also went to see one of her friends and asked her if she knows what’s going on, she didn’t. She also tried to contact her but is being ignored also On 10/12/2021 at 5:56 PM, Blind-Sided said: OK... I don't want to sound harsh... but it's a long distance exGF? What's the issue? I understand you may want to talk with her... but she doesn't, and you are not together. Stop trying to contact her, and just move on. Link to post Share on other sites
Distraught1 Posted October 15, 2021 Share Posted October 15, 2021 Well it's possible she is just going thru something. Maybe just focus on something else for awhile. If she is a really good and loyal friend she will be back after working thru whatever is going on. Covid-19 has been extremely difficult in so many ways - so perhaps she just needs some space to work thru whatever is going on. Can you email or text her to just let her know you are here for her whenever she is ready to connect again? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Alex3310 Posted October 15, 2021 Author Share Posted October 15, 2021 Just now, Distraught1 said: Well it's possible she is just going thru something. Maybe just focus on something else for awhile. If she is a really good and loyal friend she will be back after working thru whatever is going on. Covid-19 has been extremely difficult in so many ways - so perhaps she just needs some space to work thru whatever is going on. Can you email or text her to just let her know you are here for her whenever she is ready to connect again? Yes that is the only explanation I could think of that would excuse such behaviour. Her mother had cancer 2018-2020, maybe it has come back. Thank you for your kind advice, I think that is what I’m going to do. I appreciate your help and comments. Link to post Share on other sites
glows Posted October 15, 2021 Share Posted October 15, 2021 Let her come to you. Do you still have feelings for her? If she's not answering or online it means she's not available. Step away and work on other things. If she wants to tell you in good time she will. If not, it shouldn't matter to you. Keep doing your own thing. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Alex3310 Posted October 15, 2021 Author Share Posted October 15, 2021 7 minutes ago, glows said: Let her come to you. Do you still have feelings for her? If she's not answering or online it means she's not available. Step away and work on other things. If she wants to tell you in good time she will. If not, it shouldn't matter to you. Keep doing your own thing. Yes I still have feelings for her and she did for me too. This has never happened to me with anyone that someone stopped talking to me all of the sudden from one day to the next for no apparent reason. Thank you, I will heed your advice. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
glows Posted October 15, 2021 Share Posted October 15, 2021 21 minutes ago, Alex3310 said: Yes I still have feelings for her and she did for me too. This has never happened to me with anyone that someone stopped talking to me all of the sudden from one day to the next for no apparent reason. Thank you, I will heed your advice. Sorry. I just saw that you already mentioned you had feelings for her in your first post. Since it's long distance best to take this in stride. You're both long distance and you are not in a relationship. You need to remember that and treat this situation appropriately. You may be stuck in limbo like this indefinitely. Is that something you're comfortable with? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Alex3310 Posted October 15, 2021 Author Share Posted October 15, 2021 19 minutes ago, glows said: Sorry. I just saw that you already mentioned you had feelings for her in your first post. Since it's long distance best to take this in stride. You're both long distance and you are not in a relationship. You need to remember that and treat this situation appropriately. You may be stuck in limbo like this indefinitely. Is that something you're comfortable with? Yes, you’re right of course, that would be the rational thing to do. However I cannot help rid myself of these emotions, the fact that I do not know anything and am left to speculate makes me feel very helpless. 1 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted October 15, 2021 Share Posted October 15, 2021 1 hour ago, Alex3310 said: I also went to see one of her friends and asked her if she knows what’s going on, she didn’t. How long were you dating and how long ago did you break up? Can you view her social media or did she block you from social media and messaging apps? Her friends may have been asked to be loyal to her confidences not to answer your questions. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Alex3310 Posted October 15, 2021 Author Share Posted October 15, 2021 3 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said: How long were you dating and how long ago did you break up? Can you view her social media or did she block you from social media and messaging apps? Her friends may have been asked to be loyal to her confidences not to answer your questions. We were together for a little less than three years and separated 1 1/2 years ago, due to Corona restrictions neither of us could travel, otherwise we would have probably met up sooner. No she didn’t block me anywhere, it’s all still as before. I don’t think so as her friend had no ideas what’s going, I told her I’m in town and she asked me if went to see her. I told her I can’t reach her and she said she also didn’t speak to her for three months. She messaged her, she saw her message but didn’t reply. Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted October 15, 2021 Share Posted October 15, 2021 2 minutes ago, Alex3310 said: No she didn’t block me anywhere, it’s all still as before. Ok, then you can see what she's up to. You seem to be panicking that she's not replying asap. Relax. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Alex3310 Posted October 15, 2021 Author Share Posted October 15, 2021 2 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said: Ok, then you can see what she's up to. You seem to be panicking that she's not replying asap. Relax. She’s up to nothing, she hasn’t posted anything in ages, she comes online for a minute every 2-3 days, it’s been like this for over six weeks, I wouldn’t have a problem if it was only a week or two. Link to post Share on other sites
glows Posted October 15, 2021 Share Posted October 15, 2021 23 minutes ago, Alex3310 said: Yes, you’re right of course, that would be the rational thing to do. However I cannot help rid myself of these emotions, the fact that I do not know anything and am left to speculate makes me feel very helpless. Emotions follow actions so perhaps it's time to decide whether you should be open and available in this situation any longer. Link to post Share on other sites
Distraught1 Posted October 15, 2021 Share Posted October 15, 2021 Let her know you are here if she needs you as a friend and then move on. She is an ex-girlfriend. You seem like a sweetheart of a guy that would be a wonderful mate. Please don't settle. Find somebody LOCAL that will recognize all the wonderful qualities you posses and appreciate them. 2 1 Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted October 15, 2021 Share Posted October 15, 2021 (edited) 3 hours ago, Alex3310 said: Why would she video call me the evening prior and then never talk to me again. Maybe a new guy has asked her to stop chatting with her ex so much. I don't think she's necessarily going through something personal, because why would she then have played dumb when you called her and pretended not to know you? That doesn't add up with her or her mom being sick. She was hiding you for some reason. My money is on a new love interest. Either way, it's probably high time to realize that this relationship is over and has been over for quite a while. She is making it clear that she doesn't wish to remain in touch so while it stings, it's time for you to move on. Edited October 15, 2021 by ExpatInItaly 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Distraught1 Posted October 15, 2021 Share Posted October 15, 2021 On 10/12/2021 at 9:16 AM, Alex3310 said: she answered but acted like she doesn’t know who’s on the other end. I forgot about this part. This means there is another guy. Sorry Alex - time to move on! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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