Suspicion of my friend secretly being jealous of and in competition with me

[Herkamer]

I had brought up this friend before on here, I believe, and even though he is a good guy, lately, he's been acting odd whenever we talk or when we hang out.

So to reintroduce him, my buddy's name is Thom. He's 44 y/o, a landscaper, younger looking for his age, and is full of energy. As I mentioned, he's a good guy looking to have fun. In the dating world, he hasn't been very successful. Not that he's never been on dates, let alone on relationships, before. He had been engaged once before, but nothing came out of it, in the end. Thom's problem is he has really low confidence in himself, and as a result, he talks a lot, talks over others, changes subjects on the drop of a dime, makes plans at the very last minute, and interrupts you when you have a longer explanation. I believe he doesn't know that he's doing and it sends the wrong message to the person he's talking to. Of course, he might be afraid that he won't be heard. He talks himself up a lot, although he can come across as a know it all, even though he's trying not to. I guess the best way to describe him is he's a talker. However, he is very skilled at what he does and can be pretty handy. Now that I have given a brief summary of my friend, let's jump into the meat of this.

Thom had told me to ballroom dancing awhile back. He actually brought it up to me a few years ago, but I didn't jumped on it. When my parents were doing it and asked me to join, I took them up on it after I lost 140 pounds. Kind of a way on my end to have them stop asking me, but when I went, I loved it. Then the whole thing with the pandemic hit and threw things off. Once things settled down where I live, I got back to it. I actually found a ballroom studio last year and had enjoyed it very much. I took Thom to it and he had liked it as well. Then personal stuff came up in my life and put the studio on hold. Same went for Thom. I had came back to it a few months ago and have been at it ever since. I go twice a week for group classes and private lessons. I'm no longer deemed a beginner and have moved up a class level (it goes beginners, bronze, silver, and gold). My instructors say I am learning very fast and have been teaching me some more advanced moves, some of which are ABOVE my current level. The women there love to dance with me because they consider me a good lead dancer. So I'm in a pretty good spot, right now, especially when there's not as many male dancers as there are female.

Around mid-Summer, Thom had rejoined me. He told me he use to be a silver class dancer, although, if that were true he wouldn't be doing beginner classes with me. To back this up, I watched him do his steps, and not to be mean, but, yeah, he wasn't as good as I thought, especially with waltz, which he said he was a silver in at another ballroom studio he attended a few years ago (which I'll get to here in a bit). We share a an instructor, McKenna, who's 23 y/o. She's beautiful, fit and lean, very nice, and has done single dance competitions. However, when it comes to ballroom dancing, she's not as experienced at it, so she doesn't know as much as the head guy or this other male instructor do. But because of her dancing background, her learning this is coming on fairly easy, so she's learning at very quick rate. She may already be a silver (if she isn't, she's, at least, on the verge). Thom had taken a liking to her, mentions how good looking she is to me and how friendly she is. This is where things started to get strange.

Thom had started taking private lessons as well. As per these plans we pay for, we all start in beginners courses. Nothing wrong with that at all because different places have different ways of teaching these dances. The one we go to says for us to pick three and they will teach us additional styles to go along with what we are looking at. It's kind of a way to explore a little and in case if we move up class levels, we may change our minds and go with those different styles. I went through it and I'm glad I did because now I know the basics of around 12 different styles. It actually helped me get better at the ones I wanted to focus on originally, and if I needed to dance with someone who might not know a style that I do but they know another, I can do it, at least on a basic level. Thom wanted to learn waltz badly because he wants to slow dance with women. He likes tango as well, but he knows that will take more time (interesting story on that in a bit). When I caught the end of his one class, he was trying to show McKenna this one waltz move she didn't know about. In other words, he's trying not only teach THE TEACHER moves but he was trying to impress her. I could tell from McKenna's expression that she was not impressed. Apparently, he tries to do that often, which doesn't surprise because he does that with women a lot.

As Summer was closing, Thom was trying to convince me of going to another ballroom studio he use to go to, as he puts it, to check it out. I told him I didn't want to because I'm happy with the place I'm at and they've been treating me well. He was trying his best to persuade me into going, and he even through in the whole idea that people do that all the time. If it's at the beginning before you do anything, yes, but when you move up a class level and you have money in it, no (at least for me), unless if something comes up. The truth of the matter is there's a woman who runs this other studio that he really likes. He wants to go see her. Some of you are might wonder why he wants me to go, it's simple: he wants me to try to convince her to leave her bf, who is a PROFESSIONAL BALLROOM DANCER, in favor of him. It's bizarre, yes, and he isn't saying it that way, but given his history with how he wants me to be his wingman in getting women (which is a long explanation and a topic for another time), that's what he wants. And if for whatever the reason he's a silver class dancer in waltz, I would be below him if I left. So, in a way, he thinks he would get both the girl and be seen as a better dancer than me.

In addition to this, Thom seems to be a little irritated how, lately, when I go dance at a winery or at one of our dance parties our studio puts on, I'm able to dance with almost any of the women there and they have a great time dancing with me. I'm a simple guy in these situations, I'm looking to have fun and if I, somehow, find my future wife at one these things, I'm good with it. Even if I don't, that's cool too, so long as I'm happy. Anyway, Thom is also appears not happy that this studio isn't teaching the "grinding" part of these dances. If you go online and watch videos of these professional dancers, you'll see what I'm talking about. I told him these guys have been doing this for years and they're able to get away doing this because they developed a strong bond and trust with each other. I don't think he liked my answer because he changed the subject. What Thom was trying to get at was he wants the sexual side (if you want to call it that) of these dances rather than the actual dance itself (which isn't about the sexual aspect). It's almost as if, in his mind, he's afraid that I'm getting much closer to do these moves than he is and the women he wants will prefer me over him.

I just don't know why I get the suspicion that he's actually trying to be in competition with me, let alone why he may be jealous because he shouldn't be. In my mind, I still see myself as a beginner. No doubt, I'm getting better and I practice everyday, but I have a long way to go before I'm able to nail these moves he wants to do. One thing I wonder if he's jealous that our instructor, McKenna, and I are able to pull off the more advanced moves. He has a thing for her, but he doesn't accept the fact that she has a bf herself. I don't have a problem with it whatsoever, and quite honestly, even she wasn't in a relationship, I wouldn't go after her. She's my instructor and I think she may be a bit too young for me (35 y/o m). Even then, in Thom's mind, he may be afraid that I can get her before he does. There was a woman I was trying to get him to talk to who is just a year younger than him at this ballroom he didn't want anything to do with because she's got kids (that are all adults). Then when she had shown interest in me instead, then he wanted her. Same with another female friend of mine, who is MARRIED, that he wanted that he knew we both couldn't have.

It's getting to the point to where, even though I think still think he's a good guy, we're going to need to have a talk. I want to continue having a friendship, but we need to bring some things out on the table. What I've learned is just because if you're friends with someone, it doesn't necessarily mean everything's good between you two. So in case if you find yourself in this situation, do what I'm about to do and talk with them. There's obviously something wrong, and it'll be better just to clear the air with them, and in case if there's a potential love interest, then you REALLY need to address it. Otherwise, if there is you like or you're in a relationship with, you need to make sure there will be no hate between you and your friend over one person.