Still living with my ex!

[Kelpy]

I'm currently a student living in private student halls. 3 months ago my ex asked for a break out of the blue which later lead to a breakup. Before that, while there were problems in the relationships (communication on both parts, cheating on his side, 

We were together for just over a year. In that period of time things were going alright. We had a few relationship problems relating to communication, cheating (on his side with his ex), mental health issues and an ADHD diagnosis (on his side) but we seemed committed to working on these problems. He also had a problematic relationship with his ex who was suicidal. Every now and again he would hint at a future together when he talked about having twins for example. Sometimes he would talk about his interest in polygamy to which I always asked him about but he would always dumb it down and say it was nothing. 

But just 3 months ago, he went back to his home country for the holidays, he asked for a break as he needed to focus on fixing his own issues such as mental health and his rocky relationship with his ex. He did this through text only days after leaving so I was definitely confused as to why he didn't bring anything up earlier while we were in the same country. It was hard at the time as we were essentially in a long distance relationship at this point so he would have a lot of space apart from texting which would've been our main method of communication. However I accepted this as I too needed space to work on my own issues (being attachment caused by social anxiety). 

A couple days later I asked him how much time he needed as it seemed very indefinite to which he responded the whole of summer break or even more (+3 months). This lead to me essentially having to force him to break up with me because he wasn't sure if he could fix his problems and therefore wasn't sure if he would come back to me and I felt like I was going to get strung along. He admitted that we were incompatible and that he wanted polygamy. I thought differently as he only ever talked about his ex.

After the breakup he said that he wanted to remain friends but I feel like he doesn't deserve my friendship as even he admitted that I didn't do anything wrong and it was his fault.

In the present, I really am struggling with the breakup. Since we live in the same accommodation, we have the same group of friends and due to my social anxiety (which I am now getting help for) I wasn't able to make very strong bonds with individual members of this group of friends. These are the only friends I have at uni and they have given me a lot of support through it all. However, I'm having to exclude myself from many hangouts with them because my ex is around which makes me really uncomfortable to the point where I'm visibly upset. I try to organise hangouts when I know he's not around but he just finds himself there.

I know breakups are generally unfair and tend to be one sided, but I feel like my ex should at least allow me some room to feel comfortable while socialising with my flatmates since I don't have the option of moving 

The question is, should I ask my ex to give me more space to hang out with them? 

Should I go for full NC?

I don't want to lose these friends but now I'm deciding between making entirely new friends or having to hang out with them with my ex (something I can't handle)

 

[glows]

29 minutes ago, Kelpy said:

I try to organise hangouts when I know he's not around but he just finds himself there.

It's better to find another group of friends. You can mention that you'd prefer your privacy and that he does not contact you going forward. You can do your part and not respond to his messages or invitations to hang out with the same group of friends. Your friends will understand if they are true friends of yours. 

I also think it was a good thing you broke it off with him. He seemed very cowardly and wishy washy about the way he treated you and strung you along to suit his needs or to avoid feeling lonely. Be wary of individuals who date or have partners to simply have someone around or aren't able to be alone for longer periods. You're filling a void for that person as opposed to sharing anything deeper than that. 

[Wiseman2]

8 hours ago, Kelpy said:

I'm deciding between making entirely new friends 

Definitely not only no contact but delete and block him and all his people from ALL your social media and messaging apps.

He's a cheating, damaging creep you need to stay far away from. Talking about 'having twins' is not 'a future together.'

That way you can focus on your studies, friends, family, interests, hobbies, sports, volunteering, jobs, groups, clubs, etc.

Take care of your mental and physical health.  You need to stay involved in your own life and activities so you won't get this lonely or desperate again and tolerate a bad man like this one.