The Dreaded Shirtless Selfie

[Dis]

At the moment, men are crawling out of the woodwork. One of which is a guy I went to high school with. He's 36, owns a successful moving company with his dad. He reached out a week ago via fb and we've been chatting ever since. 

 

He seems very attentive and once we exchanged a few messages, he asked me out. At first I wasn't super open to it because lately I've been having a hard time developing feelings for new men. I feel like all my years of dating have either hardened me or made me made me numb. It's to the point where they all seem the same to me, no one is special. I don't get that spark anymore but honestly I think it's because I'm not giving them a real chance. I just feel, 'meh' about them. I'm very intuitive as well so maybe the reason why I get turned off some of the time is because I know they're not a good prospect for whatever reason. 

 

So I ended up agreeing to a date this Friday. I had been low key catching some immature/cocky vibes from him didn't want to read into it too much. And low and behold, I wake up to a text saying, "If you want to see the most d**chiest of d**che b*g pics a guy could send let me know. Hahaha. Nothing below the waist don't worry. I do not send or ask for those." Immediately I was like 'ughhhhh, this is where is ends for me.' I said, "I'm all set thanks." I asked a few friends about it and they said, "It's just above the waist, what's the big deal." And I said, because it's skevy. Why would I want to see that when there's no context for it and it just seems weird. But they talked me into it so I said, "alright go for it." He sent me a pic of him holding up his shirt so I could see the scar a shark left on his abdomen that he told me about last night. (He fishes on his boat). The funny thing about it was the scar was barely noticeable to the point where he had to circle it  and in the end it was just an excuse to send me a shirtless selfie. 

 

After the pic he said, "Not bad for a 36 year old eh?" Ugh barf!!!! 

 

Now I don't really have any interest in going out with him. It's not that I can't appreciate the human body, I have a high drive and I love that about myself but do I really need to see that before we even go out? Plus he seems arrogant to top it off. 

 

Am I being too harsh or would this be a turn off for most of you? 

Edited October 13, 2021 by Dis

[ItsTheDay]

5 minutes ago, Dis said:

Am I being too harsh or is this really a turn off? 

I don't know his personality but, he was definitely trying to flirt/show off. 

Is it a turn off? Only you can answer that. 

[Dis]

4 minutes ago, ItsTheDay said:

I don't know his personality but, he was definitely trying to flirt/show off. 

Is it a turn off? Only you can answer that. 

I'm fine with flirting. That's not really the issue. 

 

It's the way he presented the whole situation and the vibes that I had been getting from him prior to the selfie that were off putting

 

He could've said, "want to see my scar from that shark I was telling you about?" Instead he had to phrase it so cringey 

[ShyViolet]

He does sound kind of immature for his age, and that would be a huge turnoff for me.

[Dis]

2 minutes ago, ShyViolet said:

He does sound kind of immature for his age, and that would be a huge turnoff for me.

Yeah it's really the immaturity that gets me 

 

I've had my share of flirty convos and as long as the guy knows how to carry himself and acts his age, it can be really fun. But ironically, I get a very high school vibe from this guy...like he never grew up 

 

That is just very off putting to me 

[ASG]

39 minutes ago, Dis said:

After the pic he said, "Not bad for a 36 year old eh?" Ugh barf!!!! 

 

This alone would put me off. 

What does age have to do with anything? And also... 36 is not exactly the same as 70! 

[poppyfields]

Hey Dis, my thoughts are this:

While I don't interact with men via the internet anymore and generally dislike the whole exchanging of pics scene (my own personal thing), my attitude these days is if you've got it, why not flaunt it?

Women do, with their styled hair and makeup, low cut tops, short skirts, not to mention lighting, the best angle, etc.

NOT judging it's the nature of the beast as they say when it comes to on line.

That said, the way he chose to present himself was a bit cringy and THAT might turn me off.  Possibly. 

But hell if he's got a great physique, I have no issue with a man sending shirtless pic.

NOT under the guise of showing me his scar, but because he's proud of how he looks, the hard work it took him to get there!  

Not too long ago, this happened to me and I was like "lord have mercy"!! Lol

Man was HOT!  We didn't end up meeting but I still think about it sometimes.

So question:  Did you find him HOT?  I think if you did, you might overlook the cringy way he presented it. 

I probably would assuming there were other qualities I liked and we clicked.  

Anyway, good luck and I hear you about men coming out of woodwork!  Same for me, in REAL life.  I don't do on line. 

Enjoy!  

 

Edited October 13, 2021 by poppyfields

[Dis]

1 minute ago, poppyfields said:

Hey Dis, my thoughts are this:

While I don't interact with men via the internet anymore and generally dislike the whole exchanging of pics scene (my own personal thing), my attitude these days is if you've got it, why not flaunt it?

Women do, with their styled hair and makeup, low cut tops, short skirts, not to mention lighting, the best angle, etc.

NOT judging it's the nature of the beast as they say when it comes to on line.

That said, the way he chose to present himself was a bit cringy and THAT might turn me off.  Possibly. 

But hell if he's got a great physique, I have no issue with a man sending. 

NOT under the guise of showing me his scar, but because he's proud of how he looks, the hard work it took him to get there. 

Not too long ago, this happened to me and I was like "lord have mercy"!! Lol

Man was HOT!  We didn't end up meeting but I still think about it sometimes.

So question:  Did you find him HOT?  I think if you did, you might overlook the cringy way he presented it. 

I probably would. 

 

I'm actually right with you there RE: flaunting what you have. That wasn't the issue. 

 

It was the immaturity surrounding the whole pic exchange and the previous little hints of immaturity. For example, the other night he was going on and on about all the bones he broke in his hockey career...ehhhh. Ontop of that he doesn't ask to much about me which is a total killer for me. 

 

And was I attracted? No. I like some meat on my men. He was too skinny. Was kinda gross actually. 

[poppyfields]

5 minutes ago, Dis said:

I'm actually right with you there RE: flaunting what you have. That wasn't the issue. 

 

It was the immaturity surrounding the whole pic exchange and the previous little hints of immaturity. For example, the other night he was going on and on about all the bones he broke in his hockey career...ehhhh. Ontop of that he doesn't ask to much about me which is a total killer for me. 

 

And was I attracted? No. I like some meat on my men. He was too skinny. Was kinda gross actually. 

Well that settles that!  Big NEXT on this one!!

On all levels.  

 

Edited October 13, 2021 by poppyfields

[Wiseman2]

Yes it's cheesy. He doesn't know how to flirt, doe he? Is he a man's man type? He seems to think women may be turned on by beefhunk pics or whatever.

[Dis]

5 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said:

Yes it's cheesy. He doesn't know how to flirt, doe he? Is he a man's man type? He seems to think women may be turned on by beefhunk pics or whatever.

He kind of seems dopey, unaware and immature 

 

Even a man's man can have some kind of awareness of how a woman thinks 

[Wiseman2]

3 minutes ago, Dis said:

He kind of seems dopey, unaware and immature .Even a man's man can have some kind of awareness of how a woman thinks 

Exactly. Flannel shirt ok, but no fish, dead animals etc.

[Pumpernickel]

A scar from a shark? Wow!! How did that happen?  

It would have been wayyyyy better if he had just told his shark story – which is probably very unique – without basically almost begging you to ask for a picture  
And the "not bad for my age" comment that he added – weird. 
That was just immature of him ("Not bad for 36?" Maybe. But definitely not mature/age-appropriate for 36, either, buddy.)
Reminds me of one of those toddlers who say "Lookit lookit lookit" and "guess what ..... guess what" all day long. Sounds like he's a bad strategist, I can see that already. He can't even humblebrag properly. 

Sorry, @Dis. I can understand why you're tunred off a bit.

 

[Alpacalia]

His comments sound more off-putting then anything else.

[poppyfields]

27 minutes ago, Dis said:

I'm actually right with you there RE: flaunting what you have. That wasn't the issue. 

It was the immaturity surrounding the whole pic exchange and the previous little hints of immaturity. For example, the other night he was going on and on about all the bones he broke in his hockey career...ehhhh. Ontop of that he doesn't ask to much about me which is a total killer for me. 

And was I attracted? No. I like some meat on my men. He was too skinny. Kinda gross actually.

So if I'm reading this right, it wasn't so much the shirtless pic that turned you off, but rather his immaturity, dopiness, unawareness and the fact you were NOT attracted to him!

Yeah that would do it for me too!

I think the thread title is a bit misleading though because it suggests it was the act of sending the shirtless pic that turned you off when it was actually all the other things mentioned.

Anyway, doesn't matter, this is a next.

 

Edited October 13, 2021 by poppyfields

[Dis]

Just now, poppyfields said:

So if I'm reading this right, it wasn't so much the shirtless pic that turned you off, but rather his immaturity, dopiness, unawareness and the fact you were NOT attracted to him!

Yeah that would do it for me too!

I think the thread title is a bit misleading though because it suggests it was the act of sending the shirtless pic that turned you off when it was actually all the other things mentioned.

 

I think the shirtless pic kind of put the final nail in the coffin for me 

[glows]

You know the only reason he's doing it is because he has gotten attention from women pulling his shirt up.

Yes, it's a turn off for me.

[Dis]

3 minutes ago, Alpaca said:

His comments sound more off-putting then anything else.

Yeas, I should've titled it, "the dreaded dope with no awareness" lol 

[Dis]

Idk. It's just crazy because finding someone you click with and are compatible with is a rarity 

 

I'm currently talking to one guy (not on OLD) who is much more my type and is fun to talk to but...he has kids 

[Dis]

I have some time off from work and I'd like to go out a little more....I'd like to talk myself into not being turned off by him so I can go out for drinks again but I don't think that's going to happen 

[poppyfields]

13 minutes ago, Dis said:

Yeas, I should've titled it, "the dreaded dope with no awareness" lol 

Lol, and I understand Dis.

I think in my case, we had been talking for awhile, developed a rapport and I liked him.  So that may have made a difference. 

Random guys or as in your case, guy you knew from HS resurfacing, I may have had a different reaction.

Or maybe not with that physique! 

Don't care what anyone says, defined muscles and six pack is definitely HOT no matter how you slice and dice. 

Edited October 13, 2021 by poppyfields

[Dis]

Just now, poppyfields said:

Lol, and I understand Dis.

I think in my case, we had been talking for awhile, developed a rapport and I liked him.  So that made may have a difference. 

Random guys or as in your case, guy you knew from HS resurfacing, I may have had a different reaction.

Or maybe not with that physique!  Don't care what anyone says, defined muscles and six pack is definitely HOT no matter how you slice and dice. 

To each their own. I prefer guys who look they could split wood and haul it back to our cabin then throw me over their shoulder hahha. Beards, meat, muscle. I'm in! 

 

But yeah I just don't think the selfie was appropriate for our circumstances. We haven't been talking that long and really haven't built a rapport yet. Plus the surrounding immature comments....just isn't working for me 

 

Tbh, I was on the fence before the selfie but was still trying to give him a chance 

[Alpacalia]

16 minutes ago, Dis said:

Yeas, I should've titled it, "the dreaded dope with no awareness" lol 

Sorry it didn't work out.

At least you got a nice selfie out of it. har har

[poppyfields]

Well trimmed beards =

I like lean and toned though so you're right, to each their own.

I'm sorry it didn't work out Dis. 

[Dis]

Have a date with someone new for Friday. Big lumberjack looking guy. 6'2, beard, meat and muscle 

 

I like him so far, but it will be a casual thing because he has kids...not going down that road again