My husband is out there adding girls on Snapchat chatting them up and all sorts

[Laylina]

Okay where do I begin ,   My husband and I are going through a thing at the moment things are werid between us.  Both of us are constantly on edge and I just feel some type of way about everything he does now I was working a night shift last week and over the weekend he told me he’s doing something with his family but it just sounded odd to me. So I went through his phone. Now  his call log and and text msg and Instagram where’re clean but Snapchat boy Snapchat.  There was women upon women up women. Commenting on pictures. Talking to them this that all sorts of stuff nothing sexual or nudes but compliments now I been sitting on this piece of information for a few days because i don’t know how to address it. There is clearly a trust issue now and one thing I felt I never had to worry about was women but here we are. I feel like if I mention this I can’t come back from it and it might be the end of my marriage am just confused   It’s cheating point black period it’s cheating. It may have not been physical but If you out there given next women time of your day whilst you got a good women at home you cheating period.  What’s best way to address this without coming across toxic. 

Edited October 15, 2021 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
Language

[Wiseman2]

40 minutes ago, Laylina said:

 I been sitting on this piece of information for a few days because i don’t know how to address it. if I mention this I can’t come back from it and it might be the end of my marriage.

Sorry to hear that. How long have you been married? How old is he? How is satisfying is your intimacy to you?

It seems there's major issues including trust issues otherwise you wouldn't rifle through his phone.

This seems like just another crack in an already fractured marriage. It seems like SC is the least of your problems if you think pics and snooping will end your marriage.

Why not address the real major issues of contempt, resentment, discord and skip the trivia so you don't have to confess that you're rifling through his phone and worried about make believe people on SC.

Start with individual therapy to unpack and sort some of this out in your own mind, then go to marriage therapy to address what's really going on in a safe professional environment.

 

[elaine567]

2 hours ago, Laylina said:

  It’s cheating point black period it’s cheating.

Yes,  the man you thought he was does not exist.
Trust is shattered and that is a big thing in a marriage. So difficult to get back.
You suspected something was up and you snooped. Your gut instinct  was right.
Do not beat yourself up about it. Your gut is there to protect you.
HE may try to chastise you for snooping but he would, wouldn't he? His dirty secret is out...
Now you have to decide if you can live with it or you can't and you need to divorce.
Do you have kids? Could you survive on your own?

Don't think you can make him stop.
He won't, he will just take it underground and hide it better.
Meanwhile another few months, even years wasted until you find out he is up to his tricks again... 

[Laylina]

11 minutes ago, elaine567 said:

Yes,  the man you thought he was does not exist.
Trust is shattered and that is a big thing in a marriage. So difficult to get back.
You suspected something was up and you snooped. Your gut instinct  was right.
Do not beat yourself up about it. Your gut is there to protect you.
HE may try to chastise you for snooping but he would, wouldn't he? His dirty secret is out...
Now you have to decide if you can live with it or you can't and you need to divorce.
Do you have kids? Could you survive on your own?

Don't think you can make him stop.
He won't, he will just take it underground and hide it better.
Meanwhile another few months, even years wasted until you find out he is up to his tricks again... 

no kids yes am working full time  regardless I’d be good  this was one thing I didn’t have to worry about but now it happened  this was rule number 1 don’t disrespect and betray me. Because how am wired in general it would be very difficult for me to come back from that that’s why am really thinking to count my losses and just leave rather than work things out 

[elaine567]

13 minutes ago, Laylina said:

no kids yes am working full time  regardless I’d be good  this was one thing I didn’t have to worry about but now it happened  this was rule number 1 don’t disrespect and betray me. Because how am wired in general it would be very difficult for me to come back from that that’s why am really thinking to count my losses and just leave rather than work things out 

With no kids in the mix, and as you know yourself well, then leaving is exactly what you should do.
Life is too short to try to sort out men who disrespect and betray you.

[Wiseman2]

1 hour ago, Laylina said:

thinking to count my losses and just leave rather than work things out 

Good idea. Privately and confidentially contact an attorney to discuss annulment and your options in divorce. Do not tell him, never threaten divorce.

You are supporting him "studying"? Why isn't he working any job he can get? Talk to trusted friends and family.

[Confused48]

I agree, see an attorney. Don't tell him. 

Also, whatever you do, don't confront him with the evidence that you have. I can see a million ways for him to spin this (gaslighting) and put you into a self doubting fog. It will also give him notice to take this further underground. 

Why give him room to make arguments? You know what you know. You don't need to give up your sources. You know he is cheating.

BTW, good for you to understand right away that regardless of whether or not physical sexual contact has been made, this IS cheating. I was not so smart myself when I found myself in your situation.

So don't tell him how you know. Just act on what you know.