Weird thing going on w/my chiropractor

[Veronica85]

So I’m in my 30s and he’s in his 60s. I’m not sure what his intentions are because it’s all over the place. Any nonjudgmental advice?

So I’ve seen him a lot over the last couple years and we’ve become very close. For the last year or so he’s been really complimenting me, like really nice stuff (when my fiancé proposed he accidentally got on both knees and my chiro told me “who wouldn’t get on both knees for you” and when I told him my ex husband was smart, he said that doesn’t explain why he let me go, says I’m an amazing person, beautiful). Yes I know it’s not professional, but we’re also just close. He’s complained about his wife a lot, and would always tell me when she would be at their second house and he was alone, how nice it was to have the house to himself (was he hinting at me?). 
 

then he told me about his divorce and how I’m one of the first he told, don’t mention it when the office is open (he opens sometimes for me on his days off), and yes, I confirmed it. One of the days he said be careful what I talk about when the receptionist is in because she hears everything. 

He asked me to come to some Christmas ceremony he organized and to bring my kids (no mention of my fiancé). 

When my glutes are sore he will pull down my pants so half off my butt is exposed. Usually doesn’t warn me or ask. I’m fine with it since we’re comfortable with one another, but another chiropractor told me that’s weird. 
 

We casually text sometimes. A month ago I asked if he wanted to watch our local hockey team on tv at a restaurant or somewhere. A few hours later he texted saying he “apologizes but it’s inappropriate to socialize with a patient (even as friends).” Then why did he ask me if I wanted to come and see him at the Christmas thing? Anyway, so I backed off and I found a new chiropractor and figured in the future I might go back to him. I let him know in text and he sounded disappointed but said good luck and hope it works out. 
 

I saw this new chiro but went back to J because my new one was on vacation. This was about a month later (last week). He was definitely really happy to see me. Nothing out of the ordinary other than him closing the door and pulling my pants down. 

 

My appointment yesterday I asked him how the divorce was going (we were alone in the office). He said his wife begged him to reconcile so it’s on hold for now. He doesn’t seem to know what he wants to do. Now here’s the odd thing.. he said “my wife and I are going away for the weekend, so no texts this weekend. Put them on hold. I sometimes leave my phone laying around”. because of him saying that, is he implying there’s something more going on with us? Also, part of me is wondering if maybe his wife saw that text and texted that/made him text it. It’s all weird and he acts like he doesn’t know what he’s doing. Yeah I’m into him, but I also wouldn’t cheat. 
 

what do you think his intentions are? 

[BaileyB]

I don’t know what his intentions are… but I will say, I am totally creeped out by professionals who cross the line of appropriate behavior with patients. His intentions would not matter to me, because I would be long gone… but apparently, you are quite flattered. So, good luck. 

[Nothanks]

 

You know what his intentions are.  What do you intend?  If you are looking to be more than a patient, it sounds to me like he is foolish enough to skirt the line with you but smart enough not to cross it (which is why he turned your invitation down). He could lose his license if he gets involved with you.  That is a big price to pay.

[glows]

Just another flirt, no boundaries and running hot/cold due to marital problems. None of what he's doing is surprising. His intentions are likely nothing. He has bigger problems at the moment.

[ExpatInItaly]

2 hours ago, Veronica85 said:

what do you think his intentions are? 

Probably the same as yours, considering you keep going back and not drawing appropriate boundaries either. 

[NYAG]

4 hours ago, Veronica85 said:

So I’m in my 30s and he’s in his 60s. I’m not sure what his intentions are because it’s all over the place. Any nonjudgmental advice?

So I’ve seen him a lot over the last couple years and we’ve become very close. For the last year or so he’s been really complimenting me, like really nice stuff (when my fiancé proposed he accidentally got on both knees and my chiro told me “who wouldn’t get on both knees for you” and when I told him my ex husband was smart, he said that doesn’t explain why he let me go, says I’m an amazing person, beautiful). Yes I know it’s not professional, but we’re also just close. He’s complained about his wife a lot, and would always tell me when she would be at their second house and he was alone, how nice it was to have the house to himself (was he hinting at me?). 
 

then he told me about his divorce and how I’m one of the first he told, don’t mention it when the office is open (he opens sometimes for me on his days off), and yes, I confirmed it. One of the days he said be careful what I talk about when the receptionist is in because she hears everything. 

He asked me to come to some Christmas ceremony he organized and to bring my kids (no mention of my fiancé). 

When my glutes are sore he will pull down my pants so half off my butt is exposed. Usually doesn’t warn me or ask. I’m fine with it since we’re comfortable with one another, but another chiropractor told me that’s weird. 
 

We casually text sometimes. A month ago I asked if he wanted to watch our local hockey team on tv at a restaurant or somewhere. A few hours later he texted saying he “apologizes but it’s inappropriate to socialize with a patient (even as friends).” Then why did he ask me if I wanted to come and see him at the Christmas thing? Anyway, so I backed off and I found a new chiropractor and figured in the future I might go back to him. I let him know in text and he sounded disappointed but said good luck and hope it works out. 
 

I saw this new chiro but went back to J because my new one was on vacation. This was about a month later (last week). He was definitely really happy to see me. Nothing out of the ordinary other than him closing the door and pulling my pants down. 

 

My appointment yesterday I asked him how the divorce was going (we were alone in the office). He said his wife begged him to reconcile so it’s on hold for now. He doesn’t seem to know what he wants to do. Now here’s the odd thing.. he said “my wife and I are going away for the weekend, so no texts this weekend. Put them on hold. I sometimes leave my phone laying around”. because of him saying that, is he implying there’s something more going on with us? Also, part of me is wondering if maybe his wife saw that text and texted that/made him text it. It’s all weird and he acts like he doesn’t know what he’s doing. Yeah I’m into him, but I also wouldn’t cheat. 
 

what do you think his intentions are? 

If he is supposed to be a professional and you are his client then he is pushing the boundaries. He is hinting at you his interest whilst trying to keep it 'professional' and testing your interest. If he is inviting you to out of work things, then you invite him and he says it's not professional, he is definitely playing a game of let's see where this goes. If you are not interested in him that way then make it clear. The thing about going away with his wife means he already knows that what he is doing with you is inappropriate otherwise why would he warn you given he was the one that wanted a divorce. I would get a new chiropractor and move right along.

[Wiseman2]

6 hours ago, Veronica85 said:

 Yeah I’m into him, but I also wouldn’t cheat. 

You need to stop coming on to him and asking too many personal questions.

So far he's talking too much about his personal stuff.

Don't tell him to address your buttocks then act shocked that he has to expose part of the area for treatment.

It's unclear what you want out of this. Hopefully some relief for back problems.

Consider going to a physician MD for a complete physical and ask for a referral to a qualified therapist for ongoing support.

While hairdressers, bartenders, other types of providers, etc are used to listening to patrons talk about their lives, you seem to need more personal chitchat than back treatments.

[denwickdroylsden]

Yeah, you two are toying with each other, kind of a game of chicken, each upping the ante to dare the other to swerve out of the way first. One of these days neither of you will swerve and you'll find yourself doing the feet-high hootenanny on the exam table. What then?

[elaine567]

I think you may be fooling yourself if you think you are "special" and he is not playing this game with his other female patients... 

[Veronica85]

2 hours ago, Wiseman2 said:

You need to stop coming on to him and asking too many personal questions.

So far he's talking too much about his personal stuff.

Don't tell him to address your buttocks then act shocked that he has to expose part of the area for treatment.

It's unclear what you want out of this. Hopefully some relief for back problems.

Consider going to a physician MD for a complete physical and ask for a referral to a qualified therapist for ongoing support.

While hairdressers, bartenders, other types of providers, etc are used to listening to patrons talk about their lives, you seem to need more personal chitchat than back treatments.

Ouch. I’ve had a therapist for years FYI. It’s not like I go to him to chat. I have a big chest so I have bad slouching/neck problems. Why else would I have gone to another one? 🤦🏼‍♀️ And my new one is a long wait, when I’m under time constraints I go to him. Stop making this out to be psychological 

[Veronica85]

2 hours ago, Wiseman2 said:

You need to stop coming on to him and asking too many personal questions.

So far he's talking too much about his personal stuff.

Don't tell him to address your buttocks then act shocked that he has to expose part of the area for treatment.

It's unclear what you want out of this. Hopefully some relief for back problems.

Consider going to a physician MD for a complete physical and ask for a referral to a qualified therapist for ongoing support.

While hairdressers, bartenders, other types of providers, etc are used to listening to patrons talk about their lives, you seem to need more personal chitchat than back treatments.

And my new chiro said it’s weird that he pulls my pants down. Usually they’re supposed to ask if they can or ask you to roll them down 

[Starswillshine]

He is a sleaze. This is disgusting behavior for a professional/chiropractor. 

Why did you not run when obvious boundaries were crossed? 

[glows]

1 hour ago, Veronica85 said:

Ouch. I’ve had a therapist for years FYI. It’s not like I go to him to chat. I have a big chest so I have bad slouching/neck problems. Why else would I have gone to another one? 🤦🏼‍♀️ And my new one is a long wait, when I’m under time constraints I go to him. Stop making this out to be psychological 

This is psychological however. Your very question "what do you think his intentions are" is psychological, requiring us to look into our crystal balls in earnest and determine what another person's intentions are based on his actions towards you. You know his background and what he's going through so I wouldn't make anything of this. He seems like a very, very confused, disillusioned and unprofessional man.

[Nothanks]

 

He is flirting with you and keeping it a secret from his wife. Those are signs he has and wants more than a professional relationship with you. I doubt he wants to lose his license by taking it to the next level but you never know.  The bigger question is why are you encouraging him?  You asked him out socially, talk about his marriage and text with him.   I cannot even imagine exchanging personal texts with my chiropractor or discussing his marriage (while his hands are all over me).  That just creeped me out thinking about it….because I see him as a medical professional there to provide a service period….not a potential romantic interest.  Do you want to have a personal relationship with him or no?  If not, don’t see him ever again and block his number.

[BaileyB]

It is psychological in that when a medical professional behaves inappropriately,  most people would end their relationship with that person and/or file a complaint with their licensing body. Yet you, OP, seem quite pleased and have gone to the trouble to confirm with another professional that this behavior is not normal. Why is it that this flatters you rather than repulses you? Where are your boundaries here?

Edited October 17, 2021 by BaileyB

[DividedTrail]

When a married man complains about his wife to another woman, he is either signaling that he is basically ‘available’ or fishing for sympathy and validation to feel the affections he isn’t getting at home. Barring a lifelong plutonic relationship with a real friend.

You wonder why he shut down your invitation to watch hockey but invited you to a Christmas event. Was his invitation done verbally? You put your invitation in writing so there would be a record, but he could deny what he said to you. Or his wife saw the text and he is covering. 

[stillafool]

4 hours ago, elaine567 said:

I think you may be fooling yourself if you think you are "special" and he is not playing this game with his other female patients... 

OMG, I was just going to say this.  Chiros get more women than they know what to do with.  He's probably flirting with every decent looking woman who comes in and most are like you, lonely and wanting a man's attention,  could care less that he's married, so they lap it up.

[ExpatInItaly]

3 hours ago, Veronica85 said:

And my new chiro said it’s weird that he pulls my pants down. Usually they’re supposed to ask if they can or ask you to roll them down 

You already knew this was beyond inapprorpriate. 

The question is, why did you go back to him after it happened the first time? 

 

[ExpatInItaly]

13 hours ago, Veronica85 said:

Yeah I’m into him, but I also wouldn’t cheat. 

Unfortuantely, this is not the message you sent him when you asked him out. 

He was wise to reject you. But you need to ask yourself what the heck you are thinking playing with fire here. Are you lonely in your relationship? Bored? Sit with yourself and really ask yourself why you are seeking this man's attention. 

Edited October 17, 2021 by ExpatInItaly

[Nothanks]

I missed where you said you were into him. Unless he is a complete idiot (which is possible), he will not risk his life and career for you.  And what do you get out of a personal relationship with him?  Interfering in a marriage, risking your relationship with your fiancé, risking your reputation and for what?  I find it hard to believe that you are attracted to a man 30 years older than you who is disrespectful to his wife and likes crossing professional boundaries because of his mind and personality so….I’m guessing you are attracted to his money.  I’ll leave it there. 

Edited October 17, 2021 by Nothanks

[Veronica85]

4 hours ago, Nothanks said:

I missed where you said you were into him. Unless he is a complete idiot (which is possible), he will not risk his life and career for you.  And what do you get out of a personal relationship with him?  Interfering in a marriage, risking your relationship with your fiancé, risking your reputation and for what?  I find it hard to believe that you are attracted to a man 30 years older than you who is disrespectful to his wife and likes crossing professional boundaries because of his mind and personality so….I’m guessing you are attracted to his money.  I’ll leave it there. 

If I was into his money wouldn’t I be actively trying to get into a relationship with him? [ ] I’m the opposite of a gold digger 

Edited October 17, 2021 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
language

[stillafool]

13 minutes ago, Nothanks said:

risking your relationship with your fiancé,

What?  A fiance?  How much attention do you need?  I hope you reconsider any steps towards marriage because it's clear you aren't ready.

[ExpatInItaly]

10 minutes ago, Veronica85 said:

If I was into his money wouldn’t I be actively trying to get into a relationship with him?

Veronica, you  invited hin on a date with you. 

It does look like you are actively trying to test those waters with him. Stop and think about your role here. Why are you doing this? 

 

[Nothanks]

8 minutes ago, Veronica85 said:

If I was into his money wouldn’t I be actively trying to get into a relationship with him

Aren’t you?  You asked him out and share personal texts with him to the extent he has to hide it from his wife.  If you don’t want a relationship with him, what are you playing at?  

[HappilyMarried]

I think he wants more than the normal patient/professional relationship, but is smart enough to let you be the one who steps over the line @Veronica85he will go right up to it but stop to where he can say his actions was misinterpreted by you. I have a question you said in your opening post that you were engaged. How much of this and these things with your chiropractor have you told your fiance for example about him pulling your pants down or his inviting you and your kids to a Christmas program. Probably more important does your fiance know you texted him and ask him out to a bar with you.