Mutual chemistry… but wrong place wrong time

[Camoll]

Hey all,

here’s the deal… I met a gal at uni and we really hit it off… we became good friends in a matter of weeks and there was clearly chemistry between us (a mutual friend even noticed from both sides). 
I decided to ask what our deal was, because we felt a lot closer than just friends. We shared that we both felt attracted to each other, more physically as we’d recently met, but also knew that we were both really good people and shared a lot of interests.

 

the only issue is, we’re at very different stages of (uni) life. I told her to keep an open mind and not completely forget about the possibility. 
now we’ve taken a big step back, which is understandable… but I also really miss her as a friend, because now we don’t really talk as much, or like we use to… which sucks…

help :(

[Wiseman2]

1 hour ago, Camoll said:

 I told her to keep an open mind and not completely forget about the possibility. 

now we’ve taken a big step back, which is understandable… but I also really miss her as a friend, because now we don’t really talk as much, or like we use to… which sucks…

help

Are you friends? Dating? FWB?

What do you mean by "different stages in uni"? 

Is dating you what you wanted her to keep an open mind about?

Are either of you in other relationships?

Ok good you stepped back. Next time someone interests you simply ask them out. It's either yes or no without all this confusion .

[elaine567]

1 hour ago, Camoll said:

the only issue is, we’re at very different stages of (uni) life. I told her to keep an open mind and not completely forget about the possibility. 
now we’ve taken a big step back, which is understandable… but I also really miss her as a friend, because now we don’t really talk as much, or like we use to… which sucks…

I guess one of you is just starting uni and the other almost finishing, so it would be difficult to maintain a relationship especially if there would be distance involved once both were not in uni.
You did the right thing. It happens.
I guess she stepped back a bit more than you wanted.
Now you need to find other things to do, other people to fill the void this girl left.

[Camoll]

1 hour ago, Wiseman2 said:

Are you friends? Dating? FWB?

What do you mean by "different stages in uni"? 

Is dating you what you wanted her to keep an open mind about?

Are either of you in other relationships?

Ok good you stepped back. Next time someone interests you simply ask them out. It's either yes or no without all this confusion .

Just friends, never more.

im starting, she’s about to end

yea

not at the moment

[Camoll]

54 minutes ago, elaine567 said:

I guess one of you is just starting uni and the other almost finishing, so it would be difficult to maintain a relationship especially if there would be distance involved once both were not in uni.
You did the right thing. It happens.
I guess she stepped back a bit more than you wanted.
Now you need to find other things to do, other people to fill the void this girl left.

Hurts though… I think we would have been good for each other…

not willing to give up quite yet, since there’s a chance she’ll extend her studies her post grad 😬

[mark clemson]

6 hours ago, Camoll said:

im starting, she’s about to end

Practical matters often supersede emotion in life. She is leaving and on to the next stage of life. That will likely mean a move and the responsibilities of a new job, etc. She is recognizing that it doesn't make sense to start an emotionally bonded relationship with you and acting accordingly. C'est la vie.

Your post title summarizes the situation well, which shows that you recognize the situation. The smart thing to do here is to do what needs to be done (let her go) AND what's best for you (look for a new relationship).

[glows]

7 hours ago, Camoll said:

Hurts though… I think we would have been good for each other…

not willing to give up quite yet, since there’s a chance she’ll extend her studies her post grad 😬

Why not ask her out for coffee? You seem conflicted and hesitating. I'm not sure why you're not asking her out on a date. Is she responsive and interested in speaking with you? 

Did she tell you that she's not looking for a relationship? 

[Camoll]

8 minutes ago, glows said:

Why not ask her out for coffee? You seem conflicted and hesitating. I'm not sure why you're not asking her out on a date. Is she responsive and interested in speaking with you? 

Did she tell you that she's not looking for a relationship? 

She already said that even though we felt the way we feel about each other, she doesn’t want to go any further than friends

[Camoll]

27 minutes ago, mark clemson said:

Practical matters often supersede emotion in life. She is leaving and on to the next stage of life. That will likely mean a move and the responsibilities of a new job, etc. She is recognizing that it doesn't make sense to start an emotionally bonded relationship with you and acting accordingly. C'est la vie.

Your post title summarizes the situation well, which shows that you recognize the situation. The smart thing to do here is to do what needs to be done (let her go) AND what's best for you (look for a new relationship).

Yep… just wished things could have been different hahah…

I guessed she wouldn’t be interested in even a short time relationship… as in, know the end is in sight, but enjoy each other’s company and companionship for as long as possible… typically I wouldn’t want that, but for her I’d be willing to do that

[glows]

1 minute ago, Camoll said:

She already said that even though we felt the way we feel about each other, she doesn’t want to go any further than friends

Ok so limit the time spent with her and talking with her. Free up your time and life to meet other people. Put this friendship on the backburner for awhile. 

[flitzanu]

7 minutes ago, Camoll said:

She already said that even though we felt the way we feel about each other, she doesn’t want to go any further than friends

this is your answer.  i'd suggest not trying to interpret or think that the universe isn't aligned or something, she literally just gave you the soft rejection.

 

[Wiseman2]

54 minutes ago, Camoll said:

she doesn’t want to go any further than friends

Ok. That happens all the time. Just roll with the punches and start talking to and asking other girls out.

But don't waste time  buzzing around the friendzone hoping she changes her mind.

[Beachead]

Hey OP,

She's knows herself and where her priorities are.  Knows that her life after her studies will require her to prioritize her career.  That career may take her to different places in the world for further studies and different jobs.  She'll meet new people as well.  Life is just too chaotic for her atm.  In general, life at your age is a time of self-discovery and changes. 

It maybe very difficult to respect or appreciate all of that right now because you wish something could have happened, but there are a lot of people out there who would not have shown this kind of maturity an simply wasted your time by getting into a relationship with you without thinking things through.  The end result would have left you in shambles.  But she didn't do this.  She's an emotionally responsible person.

You cannot be friends with her, given your current feelings so don't fool yourself into thinking you can be.   Work on detaching from her and you'll heal with time.

- Beach

Edited October 18, 2021 by Beachead

[endlesspossiblities]

OP

Don't disregard a true connection that is HEAVY on chemistry simply because it is not convenient for you......just my two cents.  The combination is not incredibly easy to find

[Camoll]

39 minutes ago, Beachead said:

Hey OP,

She's knows herself and where her priorities are.  Knows that her life after her studies will require her to prioritize her career.  That career may take her to different places in the world for further studies and different jobs.  She'll meet new people as well.  Life is just too chaotic for her atm.  In general, life at your age is a time of self-discovery and changes. 

It maybe very difficult to respect or appreciate all of that right now because you wish something could have happened, but there are a lot of people out there who would not have shown this kind of maturity an simply wasted your time by getting into a relationship with you without thinking things through.  The end result would have left you in shambles.  But she didn't do this.  She's an emotionally responsible person.

You cannot be friends with her, given your current feelings so don't fool yourself into thinking you can be.   Work on detaching from her and you'll heal with time.

- Beach

Damn that’s some deep advice right there hahah. Appreciate it 

[Sun Seeker]

4 hours ago, Camoll said:

She already said that even though we felt the way we feel about each other, she doesn’t want to go any further than friends

So it has nothing to do with the wrong time or different stages at uni etc. It's simply she's just not that into you and is trying to let you down gently.

If she was interested in you, all the other stuff would not matter one bit.

[mark clemson]

22 hours ago, Camoll said:

enjoy each other’s company and companionship for as long as possible… typically I wouldn’t want that, but for her I’d be willing to do that

Up to you and it's always nice to end things on good terms. Since it's something like 99.9999% certain this goes nowhere, I wouldn't let companionship/friendship with her interfere with starting anything new...