Jan Posted October 19, 2021 Share Posted October 19, 2021 (edited) Back in April i met girl on tinder . I live in Europe and she lives in mexico. We started chatting a lot and after a while we started catching feelings for eachother and we fell in love. After a while i discovered that she was hiding something from me ... The roomie she shares the house with is actually her ex boyfriend ( they even got engaged at some point) but they broke up in January , but they are still close friends . And their families are also very close. When i confronted her , she said she was confused and didn't know how to deal with the situation. This is where it all started to go wrong , since that day we argued and had some fights. But eventually each time we talked it out and tried to continue. Meanwhile her ex knew about us and she admitted to him that she loves me. A few weeks ago we started getting into a fight and we both hurted eachother verbally. She said our story was over. Later she admitted that she still loves me (but still angry and confused)and has feelings for me, then she said we are just friends , then other times admitting that she wants to try have a relationship but the distance is too difficult. She says she is too confused and don't know what to do and that things probably won't work out . Last week , she told me that her ex again proposed to her and she said yes , even though she didn't show it off on social media , so she is basically hiding it from the public. She also told me, she said yes cause she was overwhelmed and didn't dare to say no. But she said its no big deal, since she already returned the ring before. They have investments togheter and she needs his mental and financial support . She is going through a depression for several months , and she basically needs him , but doesn't love him or doesn't feel attracted to him . She doesn't think he is attractive and they don't have sex. So we had an open talk where she told me we are not ready for long distance relationship and it's better for us to not talk anymore cause it's too confusing for both of us and is insecure about the future and doesn't know how to deal with this whole situation she got stuck in, then she said if you come to Mexico , let me know. We didn't talk for 1 day and she suddenly texted me asking a question that she already knew the answer for sure, so it was obvious she wanted to talk but then right away started ignoring me. Since that day we started talking again like we used , she even mentioned that she is using her vibrator before bedtime, when i asked why doesn't have sex with her fiancee , she got annoyed and didn't want to answer that question. Even now she mentioned that she thinks I'm cute but that we are just friends, she mentions the word friend way too much ( like she does it on purpose). So we have been planning that i will visit her for one week in January 2022 ( cause of multiple reasons we could not do it earlier) , we even discussed the idea of me moving to Mexico if i had a great time there , but she can't promise me spend that entire week with me, cause her fiancee , checks up on her to see where she is and when she comes home and all that stuff( in her words because he is responsible for her safety , if something happens to her, he has to do all the explaining to her family). But she said she will try to spend as much time possible with me . I know she is eager to see me. Her fiancee doesn't know we still talk and he would never allow her to spend time with me. I'm desperate and don't know what to do, she thinks I'm a bit crazy cause i used to overwhelm her with long texts , declaring my love for her and supporting her What do you guys think ? Does she still have feelings for me ? Is there a chance i can convince her to choose me and let go of that guy?(after we meet) . But I'm also afraid that meanwhile she might get too attached to him and catch feelings for him again. I'm pretty confident that she will fall in love with me (again ) when we meet, but she is stuck in this situation and she can't leave him just like that And what good excuse or alibi can she use to stay with me? , preferably the whole week 24/7, if not just from morning to evening She is a very complicated girl and i really love her and want only the best for her Sorry for the long and complicated story . Edited October 19, 2021 by Jan Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted October 19, 2021 Share Posted October 19, 2021 I think you need to forget her, OP. This has practically zero chance of working out. She lives halfway arond the world and is not single. You have never met. You would be incredibly foolish to try to visit her and chances are that her righfully furious fiancé would come looking for you, too. Sound like a smart idea? She's toying with you and using you for attention when she's having a fight with her fiancé. But this isn't real love, man. This is a cyber fantasy that isn't going to come to fruition. Time to log off and meet local women you can actually date. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Jan Posted October 19, 2021 Author Share Posted October 19, 2021 (edited) 11 minutes ago, ExpatInItaly said: I think you need to forget her, OP. This has practically zero chance of working out. She lives halfway arond the world and is not single. You have never met. You would be incredibly foolish to try to visit her and chances are that her righfully furious fiancé would come looking for you, too. Sound like a smart idea? She's toying with you and using you for attention when she's having a fight with her fiancé. But this isn't real love, man. This is a cyber fantasy that isn't going to come to fruition. Time to log off and meet local women you can actually date. The thing is , she said multiple times that she doesn't love him , she just needs him for now .she wants to leave that life behind her but she feels stuck in that situation, someone needs to rescue her and i want to help her with that. And her dream and ambition is to leave Mexico and come live in Europe . And i know there is a big chance this will not work out . But i want to try , so i won't blame myself later for not trying. But it's crazy how she makes me feel , i never felt that way for another girl. And I'm totally not afraid of her guy , he is a harmless 'nobody'. He would be to scared to confront me. They are not even a real couple , they are just together for financial reasons and other stuff . But there is no love involved in their story All i want is to experience how it is to be with her in real life , after that i can decide if it's worth or not Edited October 19, 2021 by Jan Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted October 19, 2021 Share Posted October 19, 2021 13 minutes ago, Jan said: she said multiple times that she doesn't love him , she just needs him for now So? It would still be cheating. You need to wake up, my friend. This isn't a real relationship and it has almost no prospect of coming true for you. She's feeding you all kinds of BS and you're being willfully naive in believing her. Stop assuming you have any idea what the truth is with her and her relationship. You don't. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted October 19, 2021 Share Posted October 19, 2021 (edited) 1 hour ago, Jan said: i met girl on tinder . I live in Europe and she lives in mexico. . They have investments togheter and she needs his mental and financial support . Sorry this is happening. Unfortunately it seems like you are getting scammed. How did it come about on a geoapp like tinder that you started communication with someone this far away? It would be best to delete and block her and all her people from ALL your social media and messaging apps. You're caught up in a cyberfantasy. However it seems soon her sob story will segue into she's needs money to leave her BF etc. Don't plan a visit or send money or reveal too many personal details. Check your credit scores for unusual activity.. You've already wasted time. Talk to trusted friends and family about this. Read up on romance scams: https://www.fbi.gov/scams-and-safety/common-scams-and-crimes/romance-scams Edited October 19, 2021 by Wiseman2 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Jan Posted October 19, 2021 Author Share Posted October 19, 2021 (edited) 31 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said: Sorry this is happening. Unfortunately it seems like you are getting scammed. How did it come about on a geoapp like tinder that you started communication with someone this far away? It would be best to delete and block her and all her people from ALL your social media and messaging apps. You're caught up in a cyberfantasy. However it seems soon her sob story will segue into she's needs money to leave her BF etc. Don't plan a visit or send money or reveal too many personal details. Check your credit scores for unusual activity.. You've already wasted time. Talk to trusted friends and family about this. Read up on romance scams: https://www.fbi.gov/scams-and-safety/common-scams-and-crimes/romance-scams I actually never send her money and she never asked for it . She is not short of money actually, she has more money than me, she comes from a rich family. But she needs his moral support and presence , cause her family lives far away . He is kinda like someone who takes care of her mentally and emotionally, like a best friend . Her family knows him well and counts on him to take care of her cause he is a good guy. They also have some investments togheter . So her problem is , that she is stuck with him even though she doesn't feel any kind of love or affection for him. I know this all sounds very weird and confusing , but trust me she is not playing with me trying to scam me or whatever. She is just as confused as me about her whole situation with that guy. He is part of her life for almost a decade and she can't leave him just like that . She would need a good reason and show him that she will be fine without him. She is also being pressured by her family to stick with this guy , cause they trust him. He is kinda like a puppet put in place by her family to protect her and take care of her Edited October 19, 2021 by a LoveShack.org Moderator removed double quote Link to post Share on other sites
Author Jan Posted October 19, 2021 Author Share Posted October 19, 2021 She never asked me to do anything for her , she always said if you want to come to Mexico it's up to you . And she also admitted that it probably will never work out between us , cause of her difficult situation , so she is being realistic and not trying to give me any kind of hope.she even said it herself that i should try dating someone else cause , we make eachother suffer to much now. But it's more like we kinda want to try to see how it is to be together , we have been talking for 7 months Now , day and night , we created a real and honest connection.we could be a great couple , but the circumstances are not in our favor . I mean i have nothing to lose , in January I'm expected to meet her .if things work out fine ,we can make the step to close the distance between us, like we talked about before. I will be at peace if things won't work out . But i just want to give it a try cause she is truly a special girl . I'm not saying she is the best i can get , but i had several long distance relationships and normal relationships , but the way i feel about her is something i can't even compare . I am also being realistic and trying to be not too hopeful . But i need to try . In life we regret the things that we didn't try more than the things we did .it would not be the first kind of long distance relationship that had a difficult beginning but ended up being a beautiful love story Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted October 19, 2021 Share Posted October 19, 2021 2 hours ago, Jan said: And I'm totally not afraid of her guy , he is a harmless 'nobody'. He would be to scared to confront me. Famous last words.... His or her family may not be so "harmless"... 1 Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted October 19, 2021 Share Posted October 19, 2021 I think you’re going to learn the hard (and expensive) way that this is not going to end well. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted October 19, 2021 Share Posted October 19, 2021 24 minutes ago, elaine567 said: Famous last words.... His or her family may not be so "harmless"... Agree. Don't visit. You may come back with only one kidney. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
IrinaM Posted October 19, 2021 Share Posted October 19, 2021 Quote They are not even a real couple , they are just together for financial reasons and other stuff . When someone chooses to remain in a relationship with another person based on financial reasons, they are still a real couple. Literally that's like millions of marriages. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Alpacalia Posted October 19, 2021 Share Posted October 19, 2021 4 hours ago, Jan said: After a while i discovered that she was hiding something from me ... The roomie she shares the house with is actually her ex boyfriend ( they even got engaged at some point) but they broke up in January , but they are still close friends . Oof. It sounds complicated. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Foxhall Posted October 19, 2021 Share Posted October 19, 2021 15 hours ago, Jan said: She is a very complicated girl and i really love her and want only the best for her Hmmn Ive known a few Mexicans in my time funnily enough and well maybe marriage is on cards with present one so I would not put you off in that sense, they have a certain special warmth you might agree, I dont know would have to agree with the others though in this case, this other guy shes actually engaged to him?? proceed with caution. or utmost caution if you continue. Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted October 19, 2021 Share Posted October 19, 2021 15 minutes ago, Foxhall said: this other guy shes actually engaged to him?? She got engaged to him only last week... The OP is fooling himself here. He is being used as a plaything by this silly girl to boost her ego. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
healing light Posted October 19, 2021 Share Posted October 19, 2021 12 hours ago, IrinaM said: When someone chooses to remain in a relationship with another person based on financial reasons, they are still a real couple. Literally that's like millions of marriages. Good point. Do you have a habit of attracting unavailable women in some way? It's possible that the push/pull/unavailability of this situation is why you have such intense feelings for her subconsciously. In part because it is all built on hopes of something real (a fantasy), and you have no idea at all if any of the chemistry you feel will translate or flow the same in real life. It's easy to divulge and build up a false sense of intimacy when the person isn't sitting face-to-face with you, it's far less threatening, and you're not dealing with the day-to-day grind that can shape your sense of a person. But you know who is there doing all of those things with her? Her fiance. This "nobody" is occupying her house, building a life with her, integrated into her family, etc. It's much more real than any online connection anyone will ever have because it's in person and interfering with her availability. Even when and IF she separates from him, she will need to go through a period of getting over whatever that relationship was to her, so it still wouldn't be a good idea to get involved unless you want to risk being a rebound. There are many obstacles in this situation even if you are both aligned an on board with the relationship you wanted to create--and she's not on the same page as you. In my opinion, you have no choice but to move on if you want to spare yourself big heartbreak and further wasted time and energy. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Foxhall Posted October 19, 2021 Share Posted October 19, 2021 Yes most likely, my girlfriend does say too , a random guy arriving in Mexico City alone, speaking no spanish, to meet a girl from online, not the wisest idea. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Lotsgoingon Posted October 20, 2021 Share Posted October 20, 2021 Great point, Irina. I'll build on it. When someone chooses to remain in a relationship with another person for any reason, they are still a real couple 1 Link to post Share on other sites
chillii Posted October 20, 2021 Share Posted October 20, 2021 Not only but they're a user , do you really want a woman those ahh, qualities op ? Link to post Share on other sites
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