(Gay) Break up after 7 years of LDR

[Dee4eyes]

I don't even know where to start, but I feel like I need to share this pain before I plummet into depression and hope someone can relate to me or just... Idk discuss it with me? My ex-SO just break up from me. Like 45minutes ago. I feel like I'm still in shock, anger, the whole shebang but... weirdly I'm not crying at all. We start dating when I'm still in College as freshman and he is a foreigner through dating app. At first I just want some sex really, but after a few "session" I get this... Spark while we making love and I blurted out "I Love You". He surprised at first, but then he smile and said he loved me too. It's kinda weird and dreamlike moment but after that we start to date. I'm honestly still not sure even believe what situation I got into (mind you that I never date a guy or girl at all in romantic way), but I wanna try and see where this is going to. He stayed in my country for about a  month and after that he need to go back. We promised to stayed in contact and everything and I genuinely thrilled and happy with him. Year by year pass and the communication start to feel monotone and idk.... boring? Like he cannot be called in weekend because he wanted to go hiking and something. I believe him, but even if I kinda feel worried, there's nothing I can do. It's LDR after all. After that he visited me again for a months and we go to villa hoping to rekindle the passion, but we ended up fighting for idk... Absurd reason in the night where we supposed to make love and all. We made up ofc before he has to go back, but I feel like our relationship was growing because of that fighting. After that 4-5 years he don't visited me at all until this year. He said he is busy I said I was busy too with my Colleges and finding job, but when he wanna come, the pandemic came and ruin everything. He still determine wanted to see me and spend 3months with me, but because the pandemic situation he can only come to Bali since the airport for international flight only open there. He said he gonna stay there for 2 weeks or more until the border to my city open and since it's vacation island he wanna have silent vacation or something. He don't wanna touch his phone or something like that. I kinda feel bad for him to be alone in the vacation island so I said to him with weight in my heart and logic that's it's oke if you wanna have 1 night stand with local gay boy. That turned out to be the biggest mistake I ever made. Maybe that or he already planned everything for cheated on me, but he have sex with local boy for 2 whole weeks he stay in Bali and what it's worse, he said he loved him and wanna break up with me. Im very shocked, really really shocked. I told him heartbroken that I don't wanna see him again because I hate him, but he said he don't wanna lose me and wanna stay friend because the memory and everything. Now idk what I feel right now. I feel hollow, but I don't cried since the last 2 weeks I feel like he already cheated on me. Now.... I.... Idk what to do.... Can anyone please tell me what to do? Or idk.... I feel like I'm in the edge of my depression.