Am I over reacting or is this a matter of cultural differences?

[lovers]

So let me preface this by saying I am 30 year old male and my friend is 35 year old male who is from Africa and we are coworkers. He been living in this country for like 4 or 5 years now. So he does alot of little things that have been pissing me off. I have known him for less than a year. 

Things that have been pissing me off: 

- My friend comes in my house randomly without letting me know beforehand and knocks on my door. Text and calls me when he is already at my place. First handful of times I let him in and I am engaged chatting, but he is not being engaged with me. Like he would be on his phone and I am the one trying to make it not boring asking him questions. There are a handful of times he would call his relatives while he came to my place and they would chat on the phone in my living room with speakers on. In the middle of me chatting with him. First couple of times I let it fly like oh he has an important call, but this happens quite often. Like you are the one who came to my place. I didn't invite you over. One time he came over at 9pm knocking on my door when I had work that night. I stopped aiding his behavior and didn't answer the door or my phone. I told him I was annoyed with that. He got the message on that one. 

- My friend invites me over to his house and eat couple of times. First time I arrive at his place he made some food and he is like can you handle spicy food after I already arrived at his place? Im like yeah sort of. He makes spicy dish which was pretty hot and I couldn't finish it. He complains to me like in my culture when someone gives you food you have to finish it all. Im like dude its real spicy and I really tried to finish it. Ate like 3/4 of it despite how painful it was. Next time he invites me over and he giving me a huge bowl of rice  and I was like give me less rice please. He goes "what is wrong with this guy?" Im like dude last time you gave me alot of rice with all that spicy sauce over it and then complained to me for not finishing it. He eats alot btw has a big stomach. The last straw was he invited me over and I forgot to ask him how spicy it is before I came over. When I arrived he gives me plate of food and this time its habanero sauce. I was sweating and burning but I pulled through and ate it all. He does his thing of calling his family again while I am at his place. Goes in his room while im eating in the living room trying to finish this spicy dish. I thought about just getting up and leaving without saying goodbye. he wanted to go on a walk, but I was hurting from how spicy the food was and went home. He got pissed at me for not wanting to go on a walk. 

- He lectures me on my dating life. Any girl I interact with he lectures me to date them and get in their pants despite me having no interest or just being a friend. Im like dude im not all about getting laid unlike you. He has absolutely no standards and his view on relationships is different. He views them objectively even though personality may not align. Its like she is a an engineer if she is ugly she will have to compensate by giving him an allowance for him  to date her. For me its personality and looks. He has an kid with his ex wife who rides him for child support. His ex wife is bottom of the pits looking no standards. I went off on him a bit with him lecturing on my pickiness of women like dude you are the one with a messed up life. Don't tell me what to do. I mean we come from different socioeconomic backgrounds so I have standards unlike him. I make 6 figures college educated and he works under me making like 20 bucks. 

Anyways I got fed up with his shenanigans and called him out on his bullshit when he came over at my place unannounced again. Pretty much blew up on all his little bs things he does. He says am I okay cause I have been acting weird lately lol. I was more lenient and not calling him out beforehand thinking it is something that happened once, but now I am not putting up with his bs. So am I over reacting or is it a cultural difference?

 

Edited October 20, 2021 by lovers

[ShyViolet]

"cultural differences" are no excuse for inconsiderate behavior.  If you don't like certain things that he does, tell him so.  Very clearly.  And if he doesn't listen then you should rethink this friendship.  Maybe you and him are just not compatible as friends.

[Wiseman2]

Don't hang out this much if he gets on your nerves.

[Foxhall]

Your right to let him know your not happy with him bossing you which is what it sounds like,

I dont know perhaps it is cultural differences, but I would think more accurately its just the fact that some people are more pushy than others and will dominate with their loud personalities if you let them,

I picked up a similar friend in the last year- well he is from the same country as I- but he is very forward and dominating,

I am a celiac which means I cannot eat all foods and drinks,

so I get this vibe "what is wrong with you" and also yes trying to make plans for me,

I mean its not all bad- hes fine in other ways- but I had to also say to him recently "hey just leave me alone buddy"  the things that you want dont always suit me

no harm give them the brush off at times-keep them at arms length.