Lostin1997 Posted October 21, 2021 Share Posted October 21, 2021 My wife and are 48 and been together since we were 18. Married at 24 with 3 great kids 18,15,8. She told me she loves me but not in love with me last week and wants a divorce. She has been playing a clash Royale type game on her phone for over a year now. She's on it constantly and has been texting someone from the game in a different state. I found the texts and was crushed, talking about loving each other and spending forever together. I'm still in love with her. She will not go to counseling or therapy. I think our lives our just too stressful and she wants out. She texts this guy while in bed with me and it tears me up. Btw she has never met this guy and I'm not sure if he's real or not. I still want our marriage and family but I'm not doing to good dealing with it. I'm a mess, not sleeping or eating. Any guidance would help Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted October 21, 2021 Share Posted October 21, 2021 1 hour ago, Lostin1997 said: our lives our just too stressful and she wants out. Sorry this is happening. What do you mean by "our lives are just too stressful'? Do you both work? Are there financial problems? Is she a bored housewife living in a cyberfantasy romance? Do either of you have physical or mental health problems? Do either of you drink heavily? Yes, she's checked out, but that's not because of some gaming catfish. Go to a physician for an evaluation of your mental and physical health. Ask for a referral to a qualified therapist for ongoing support. You can't force her to go but at least take care of yourself. It sounds like there's no intimacy or romance and hasn't been in quite a while. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Lostin1997 Posted October 21, 2021 Author Share Posted October 21, 2021 Yes, both work full time and have too much on our plates with work that needs to be done on the house and the kids activities. I know your right about the catfish, just hurts so bad. No physical or diagnosed mental problems. I often wondered about that with her. I'm scheduled with a therapist this morning. Kind of right about the intimacy and romance 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Blind-Sided Posted October 21, 2021 Share Posted October 21, 2021 Sounds like she has entered into a mental relationship, and it's "Less stressful" than real life. My exW, and several of my female friends have done this. One of my best friends... she has allowed her marriage to totally collapse, and she wants out. Her BF represents freedom with no stress and no kids, where her marriage is where all her "Problems" are. Right now, her H and her live as room mates. (kind of sad) But being the person on the outside of that... I don't think there is a way to fix it. You may just have to accept that you will have to let her go. (Sorry) 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Lostin1997 Posted October 21, 2021 Author Share Posted October 21, 2021 I agree with everything, just having a problem with accepting. I'm losing hope. Any advice on getting to that acceptance? Link to post Share on other sites
Harry Korsnes Posted October 21, 2021 Share Posted October 21, 2021 Sorry your here. Please do not do the pick me dance. If she's texting while you are in bed together, tell to not disrespect and take her texting elswhere and get out of the bed. You need to be ferm. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Lostin1997 Posted October 21, 2021 Author Share Posted October 21, 2021 Okay, thanks Link to post Share on other sites
Harry Korsnes Posted October 21, 2021 Share Posted October 21, 2021 1 minute ago, Lostin1997 said: Okay, thanks Its you who needs to take care of you 👍 Link to post Share on other sites
glows Posted October 21, 2021 Share Posted October 21, 2021 5 hours ago, Lostin1997 said: I agree with everything, just having a problem with accepting. I'm losing hope. Any advice on getting to that acceptance? Accepting comes at a later stage. It means that you have worked past the initial shock and are starting to let go of the relationship as it used to be. She has checked out of your marriage and likes to play a phone game with a man she's never met before rather than stay grounded in reality. You've spent 30 years with her and she is willing to put you in this difficult situation. You are 48 with lots of life left ahead of you. The question is whether you can trust a woman like this going forward or whether you think of her in the same way anymore. You're in shock at the moment but surely some part of you recognizes that what she's doing isn't acceptable in a marriage. If there are other aspects of the relationship that are draining you or issues that need taking care of, deal with those. Sort out any practical matters and disentangle yourself. In the meantime also go for your therapy and perhaps determine whether you're happy at all in this or whether you are hanging on because you've been with one person for so long. It is too complex to decide whether you should separate or divorce over some whimsical fantasy over the phone but I don't doubt that your thoughts or opinions will change in the near future. It may also mean accepting broken parts of your marriage. Whether you both choose to work on that or continue running away from them is up to the both of you. It takes two. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Lostin1997 Posted October 21, 2021 Author Share Posted October 21, 2021 Great advice, thank you 1 Link to post Share on other sites
PotatoHead Posted October 21, 2021 Share Posted October 21, 2021 A tough situation, I'm sorry to hear. I agree as others have said, it sounds like there were problems long before she started talking to someone else. She saw him as a way out and has latched onto the idea, and now will refuse to work on your relationship because she wants to move on to something new. The only way she will probably let go of that idea is once they actually get to meet and try to be together, and she realizes he isn't the person she imagined or that he pretended to be. I would take the first steps and file for divorce. You don't need to continue living with her and letting her hurt you like this. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Lostin1997 Posted October 21, 2021 Author Share Posted October 21, 2021 Thanks. I'm not going file just yet. Some work is needed on the kitchen before we can sell. Its ripped apart right now. But I going to proceed planning the divorce with her. A lot needs to figured out for the best interest of my children Link to post Share on other sites
PotatoHead Posted October 21, 2021 Share Posted October 21, 2021 6 minutes ago, Lostin1997 said: Thanks. I'm not going file just yet. Some work is needed on the kitchen before we can sell. Its ripped apart right now. But I going to proceed planning the divorce with her. A lot needs to figured out for the best interest of my children Yep, it takes time, but I think it's good that you're heading in that direction. I just finished going through that process. You have plenty of time to find happiness. Best of luck to you. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Lostin1997 Posted October 21, 2021 Author Share Posted October 21, 2021 Thanks so much Link to post Share on other sites
Blind-Sided Posted October 22, 2021 Share Posted October 22, 2021 18 hours ago, glows said: Accepting comes at a later stage. It means that you have worked past the initial shock and are starting to let go of the relationship as it used to be. .... Yep... I agree with that. My exW was having an EA with her HS BF. I didn't find out until later. BUT... it took time to gain acceptance. But it took longer to shake the feeling of distrust from someone who you thought was part of your "Family". It takes 2 things... first is time. But you can't start to heal until you move on. Unfortunately, since she has checked out... things just need to end. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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