When to give up?

[ktmrider]

I'm in the middle of a separation with my wife. She tells me she needs time to "cool" down because she's "hyper sensitive"? I don't know what that means.

She either still loves me or she's not. I can't seem to get a handle on what she is feeling right now.

 

If she doesn't love me anymore, I was think that she would already serve me the papers already, right?

 

How can't I tell whether she has given up on me or she really is trying to make the right decision. What are the signs that your wife has already made the decision to leave but somehow can't seem to do it yet? Guilt?

 

I love her and I want her to be happy. I don't want her to be unhappy by staying with me. I just don't want to be the cause of her unhappiness. I love to be back with her though.

[KAris112297]

DO NOT GIVE UP. Not if it's love. Not if your married.

 

What do you think is the reason for all this?

She just up and decided "Lets seperate!"?

 

-KAris

[dgiirl]

How can't I tell whether she has given up on me or she really is trying to make the right decision. What are the signs that your wife has already made the decision to leave but somehow can't seem to do it yet? Guilt?

 

Guilt, selfishness, laziness. They want to prolong it long enough so that you file so that's not on their shoulders. If there is another person, they want to see how the relationship works out with that person. So many reasons. One of my friends said it nicely to explain my stbxh's behaviour. "He doesnt care if he's divorced or not. He just doesnt want to be married to you. Right now, he's not married. He's not at home. He's on his own with another woman. In his mind, he's not married, and that's enough for him"

 

Wait as long as you can wait. But there will come a time where it becomes unhealthy for you. And it might be better for you to file. Atleast then, she wont have control over when she'll surprise you with divorce papers.

[KAris112297]

Wait as long as you can wait. But there will come a time where it becomes unhealthy for you.

 

Mmmm...I would need to knwo the details. There has to be something going on between both of them, and thats what needs to be dealt with. But I think giving up is not a option.

 

And it might be better for you to file. Atleast then, she wont have control over when she'll surprise you with divorce papers.

 

I think this is true if you have gotten to that point. Especiallywith someone who is being mean and using "threat-of-divorce" as some sort of weapon.

 

I think if she hasn't filed it has to mean something...what I have no idea. Being in a situation myself...where that threat is thrown around, I can onlt hope it means things can work out.

 

-KAris

[ktmrider]

Here are the details:

 

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t72937/

[KAris112297]

Here are the details:

 

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t72937/

 

 

You can make it work.

 

I think you need to get over what hang ups you may have about where you have to live and your past, and start dealing with eachothers needs.

 

It's obvious the love is there. So that needs to be the foundation. Deal with the love, make it work and deal with the problems out side...together, hand in hand.

 

It is tough. Very. Even getting the emotional stuff straightened out between the two of you...but that needs to be the focus. Because as long as the mental and emotional instability continue...you can't face the "outside world".

 

-KAris

[ktmrider]

I don't understand women. As a man, I feel that every problem has a solution.

Hence, she either still loves me or she no longer does. If she doesn't, I would assume that she would serve me the papers already.

[mlchris2]

KTM, I read your post and your situation is pretty much like mine. As are the other situations here.

 

My wife and I had problems the last 4 years of marriage. I wanted things from her, but she continually told me that she wanted things before she'd return the favor (kinda childish if you ask me). We've had a rough 4 years together. I was under a ton of stress and would keep it bottled up and worried 24 hours of the day, which made my wife take care of everything. She gave me warnings if I didnt shape up, she'd kick me out. Well one day, she got fed up and booted me.

 

It's funny how that changed my thinking so much. I realize I love this woman and am not going to let this little speed bump ruin it. She said give her space, but I havent done that to well, becuase she's living this wonderful carefree life and I am worried about a few things.

 

This entire time, she's said it's over, but will pass little hints along to me that she wants to make it work. When confronted, she denies it 100%. I think that if she truely wanted it over, she'd have done it by now. For what reasons she hasnt, she wont tell me.

 

I've felt every feeling there is to feel. I've even though about suicide. But I had a good talk with m people and have made the decision.... As hard as its going to be, I will give her "some" time. In the mean time, I'm seeing a counselor and hope to get her involved. If after a few months there is no improvement, I'm taking everyone's advice and getting things done myself. I've consulted with an attorney and will be waiting if the day comes.

 

My advice to you is to give her space... you do your own thing. If she tells you she needs space, give her space. Talk to her and find out what boundaries you have with one another while seperated. that will help as well. For me I realize I am to busy worrying about the things that done matter and not concentrating on the things that do matter. Maybe counseling is a good idea for you...

 

As for me, I'm still lost. I probably feel the exact way you do.

its up to you... I'm not telling you what to do, just calling it as I see it.