Cousins husband likes me 'like that'

[Vanity1]

This man who is married to my cousin, in person would always tell me I’m beautiful, I thought he was just being nice because he is way older than I am. 

We exchanged whatsapp to communicate. We would chat casually. Until he had me add him on a different account to whatsapp. That’s where he started acting extremely weird and told me not to tell anyone! I was like ok, not my business. Until he started saying very inappropriate things like, how he thought I was submissive. I would talk to him about my relationship and eventually he was like “ I think I’m going back off since you’re in a serious relationship”. That’s when it hit me that maybe he thought he had a chance with me. However before that he would have no problem chatting and giving me advice about my boyfriend- honestly that’s the only reason I’d talk to him. 

btw, my cousin who is younger than I am said he also made inappropriate comments to her also. She told her mom, mom told cousins mom, no one believed her. Or they just didn’t care. Keep in mind what he did with her and family hearing about it happened before me. So if I came out and said something, maybe they will believe her. 

My question is, why is this man so bold? Does he not care to lose his family?

Edited October 22, 2021 by Hurtx10

[Wiseman2]

28 minutes ago, Hurtx10 said:

.We exchanged whatsapp to communicate. 

Best to avoid him and act more appropriately. Delete and block him from all your social media and messaging apps.

There's no reason you should be chitchatting with your cousins husband. Kind of creepy, no?

Edited October 22, 2021 by Wiseman2

[basil67]

41 minutes ago, Hurtx10 said:

My question is, why is this man so bold? Does he not care to lose his family?

I'm sure he would care if he loses his family.  But he's not thinking about that because he's focused on the short term gain of getting you in bed.

In all seriousness, does this really need explaining?

Edited October 22, 2021 by basil67

[Vanity1]

48 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said:

Best to avoid him and act more appropriately. Delete and block him from all your social media and messaging apps.

There's no reason you should be chitchatting with your cousins husband. Kind of creepy, no?

We haven’t spoken since.

chatting with family members is considered creepy, in what world? I think it’s more alarming and creepy that someone’s mind thinks that way. I think it’s perfectly normal to communicate with family members. Especially because he’s way older than I am, he comes off more like an uncle. Well, he did.

 

im so bummed out that I didn’t take any screenshots of proof just in case something happens. If I ever need back up, for me or another family member who encounters the same thing as my cousin and I.  

Edited October 22, 2021 by Hurtx10

[Wiseman2]

2 hours ago, Vanity1 said:

.Chatting with family members is considered creepy, in what world? 

Engaging in sexual discussions with this "uncle figure" is creepy. Yes.

Just delete and block. No reason to screenshot anything.

3 hours ago, Vanity1 said:

 he started saying very inappropriate things like, how he thought I was submissive.

 

[elaine567]

4 hours ago, Vanity1 said:

My question is, why is this man so bold? Does he not care to lose his family?

He doesn't believe he will lose his family and men in the pursuit of illicit sex can be pretty focussed on achieving it, they are not thinking of the consequences..
He thought you were up for it, hence the new Whatsapp account to communicate with you.
He had already got away with it before with your cousin  so he probably thinks he is untouchable..

[Vanity1]

1 hour ago, Wiseman2 said:

Engaging in sexual discussions with this "uncle figure" is creepy. Yes.

Just delete and block. No reason to screenshot anything.

 

I was not engaging in sexual discussions with him at all, ever. when he made that “submissive” comment I wasn’t sure what he was talking about, it was out of the blue and I didn’t think much about it till after, but I changed the subject. 

And I did delete everything—- hence why I can’t screenshot anything. 

Why do you think there’s no reason to screenshot anything? Why do you think it’s a better idea to have no evidence of his foolery vs having it just in case no body believes me like they didn’t believe my other cousin? 

Edited October 22, 2021 by Vanity1

[Vanity1]

40 minutes ago, elaine567 said:

He doesn't believe he will lose his family and men in the pursuit of illicit sex can be pretty focussed on achieving it, they are not thinking of the consequences..
He thought you were up for it, hence the new Whatsapp account to communicate with you.
He had already got away with it before with your cousin  so he probably thinks he is untouchable..

So if you google his name.... 

Theres a blog someone made, one of his exes telling women to watch out for him. Basically how he uses women for money. And another woman commented saying she experienced the same thing with him and that he owes her money. How he’s a cheater and a womanizer.

thing is, all the women in the world and you have to go after family!!! The boldness of it all. 

And before he gave me his second whatsapp, on the first whatsapp he gave me,we barely talked ...it’s when we started having small talk ( he lives in a different country) so he would just ask how the family is, nothing deep- is when he decided to add me on his second whatsapp so I’m not sure why he would get the impression I’d be down for sex with him, plus I live in a different country. Even on the second account we just had small talk until i started dating a guy,  I would ask him for advice (only after he would ask and initiate how my relationship is doing) but that was so short lived because he started getting weird. 

Edited October 22, 2021 by Vanity1

[Vanity1]

53 minutes ago, elaine567 said:

He doesn't believe he will lose his family and men in the pursuit of illicit sex can be pretty focussed on achieving it, they are not thinking of the consequences..
He thought you were up for it, hence the new Whatsapp account to communicate with you.
He had already got away with it before with your cousin  so he probably thinks he is untouchable..

So if you google his name.... 

Theres a blog someone made, one of his exes telling women to watch out for him. Basically how he uses women for money. And another woman commented saying she experienced the same thing with him and that he owes her money. How he’s a cheater and a womanizer.

thing is, all the women in the world and you have to go after family!!! The boldness of it all. 

When he made moves on my cousin, it was at a family event, in front of everyone.

He did the same thing to me in person, he whispered in my ear that I looked beautiful that should’ve been a red flag but I thought he was just being nice. 

 

Anyways I am over it. He is deleted but it feels great to talk about it on here. If I talked about it in real life, the mess it would make. The only person I told was my cousin, no details tho. 

Edited October 22, 2021 by Vanity1

[Vanity1]

Also!

i think he had the second account before me. I think that’s where he hides everyone he tries to mess with so his wife doesn’t find out. 

But what if I had a big mouth and told on him. How’s he so comfortable. I can’t wrap my mind around it. 

Edited October 22, 2021 by Vanity1

[elaine567]

Part of the buzz of cheating comes from the risk. And many genuinely think their tracks are well covered or if they do become unstuck they will deny deny deny.
Many also KNOW that their wife/gf/partner will never leave them, no matter what they do...

[Johnjohnson2017]

5 hours ago, Vanity1 said:

We haven’t spoken since.

chatting with family members is considered creepy, in what world? I think it’s more alarming and creepy that someone’s mind thinks that way. I think it’s perfectly normal to communicate with family members. Especially because he’s way older than I am, he comes off more like an uncle. Well, he did.

 

im so bummed out that I didn’t take any screenshots of proof just in case something happens. If I ever need back up, for me or another family member who encounters the same thing as my cousin and I.  

I personally don't consider spouses of relatives to be family. My cousins are family, my nephews are family (blood related). 

It would be ok to chat with same gender spouse of a family member. If I was your cousin, I would be questioning my husband as to why he would need to be communicating with you (female) on an app behind my back. Him contacting you is weird. 

[GeorgiaPeach1]

6 hours ago, Vanity1 said:

This man who is married to my cousin, in person would always tell me I’m beautiful, I thought he was just being nice because he is way older than I am. 

We exchanged whatsapp to communicate. We would chat casually. Until he had me add him on a different account to whatsapp. That’s where he started acting extremely weird and told me not to tell anyone! I was like ok, not my business. Until he started saying very inappropriate things like, how he thought I was submissive. I would talk to him about my relationship and eventually he was like “ I think I’m going back off since you’re in a serious relationship”. That’s when it hit me that maybe he thought he had a chance with me. However before that he would have no problem chatting and giving me advice about my boyfriend- honestly that’s the only reason I’d talk to him. 

btw, my cousin who is younger than I am said he also made inappropriate comments to her also. She told her mom, mom told cousins mom, no one believed her. Or they just didn’t care. Keep in mind what he did with her and family hearing about it happened before me. So if I came out and said something, maybe they will believe her. 

My question is, why is this man so bold? Does he not care to lose his family?

He's bold because there's a woman willing to entertain him. Did your cousin know you two were "casually" chatting on an app, or was this happening behind her back?

[vla1120]

6 hours ago, Vanity1 said:

This man who is married to my cousin...

How close are you to this cousin, and how close are you to the younger cousin with whom he was also inappropriate. If you are close to the younger cousin, I would imagine she would feel vindicated if another cousin spoke up about his inappropriate behavior. Do you think his wife knows about the website that comes up if you Google his name? Even the point that he has a second whatsapp account is pretty suspicious and indicates he is up to no good. Maybe someone should let her know, unless you're not that close to her, then I'd just block him and let her find out for herself. 

[stillafool]

I think it's highly inappropriate to communicate in secret with your cousin's husband behind her back; and the fact that he's in his 60s is even more creepy (on  both your parts).  If I were your cousin I'm be angry at both of you.  If you need help with your bf you should talk to your cousin and her spouse together.  I think you knew exactly what he wanted.  How old are you?

[stillafool]

2 hours ago, Vanity1 said:

The only person I told was my cousin, no details tho. 

If you really cared for his wife you would have told her.

[Vanity1]

4 hours ago, stillafool said:

I think it's highly inappropriate to communicate in secret with your cousin's husband behind her back; and the fact that he's in his 60s is even more creepy (on  both your parts).  If I were your cousin I'm be angry at both of you.  If you need help with your bf you should talk to your cousin and her spouse together.  I think you knew exactly what he wanted.  How old are you?

1- where did you come up with this magical number that he is in his 60s?

2- if I knew what his intentions were, I would say that. I don’t need to lie on a forum where no one knows me.

Edited October 22, 2021 by Vanity1

[Vanity1]

5 hours ago, GeorgiaPeach1 said:

He's bold because there's a woman willing to entertain him. Did your cousin know you two were "casually" chatting on an app, or was this happening behind her back?

 

I don’t know if she knew. I never asked 

[Vanity1]

5 hours ago, vla1120 said:

How close are you to this cousin, and how close are you to the younger cousin with whom he was also inappropriate. If you are close to the younger cousin, I would imagine she would feel vindicated if another cousin spoke up about his inappropriate behavior. Do you think his wife knows about the website that comes up if you Google his name? Even the point that he has a second whatsapp account is pretty suspicious and indicates he is up to no good. Maybe someone should let her know, unless you're not that close to her, then I'd just block him and let her find out for herself. 

I am not really close to any of them, as they live in a different country. Both my cousins, we communicate on Snapchat. And it’s normal for a bunch of my family ( the uncles and aunts) to communicate on whatapp especially because some of them are in different countries. So I did not think this was so out the norm for him to add me on whatsapp. I don’t know if she knows about the website with the girls calling him out, but all you have to do is google his name and it’s right there. 

And bolded ^ that’s why I wish I kept screenshots of what he had said. I can’t just come out and say something like that with no proof. 

Edited October 22, 2021 by Vanity1

[BaileyB]

15 hours ago, Vanity1 said:

My question is, why is this man so bold? Does he not care to lose his family?

My question is, where are your boundaries? Why are you sharing personal information about your spouse/marriage and having secret conversations with another man - your cousin’s husband? 

And, do you not care to lose your marriage? How do you think your husband feels about the fact that you are sharing personal information and engaging in secret (borderline sexual) conversations with another man? 

15 hours ago, Vanity1 said:

That’s where he started acting extremely weird and told me not to tell anyone! I was like ok, not my business.

This was your cue to shut this down, to walk away. Not to shrug your shoulders and say… whatever…

[BaileyB]

14 hours ago, Vanity1 said:

chatting with family members is considered creepy, in what world? I think it’s more alarming and creepy that someone’s mind thinks that way. I think it’s perfectly normal to communicate with family members. 

He’s not your family member. He is your cousin’s husband, and as such - you show respect to your cousin by maintaining a healthy boundary with her husband. This means, no secret communication discussing your personal relationships. 

[Veronica73]

OP, obviously this guy is a creep. Now that you know his intentions, if he tries to contact you again, I’d screenshot it, along with my comment of “don’t contact me again.” I don’t know why people are giving you a hard time, unless you’ve been posting other threads on here. I don’t know why people think you are married, or that the guy is 60. 

[Vanity1]

1 hour ago, BaileyB said:

My question is, where are your boundaries? Why are you sharing personal information about your spouse/marriage and having secret conversations with another man - your cousin’s husband? 

And, do you not care to lose your marriage? How do you think your husband feels about the fact that you are sharing personal information and engaging in secret (borderline sexual) conversations with another man? 

This was your cue to shut this down, to walk away. Not to shrug your shoulders and say… whatever…

Why are you assuming I’m married? Lol. 

I am not. 

Why are you assuming I was engaging in sexual convos with another man? Never happened. My boundaries, I shut everything down when things started getting weird. Like I said before I wasn’t sure what he meant by being submissive, I didn’t realize it was something sexual till I thought about it after. And ALSO like I said before when he said that I was confused and changed the subject. So please tell me what sexual convos were being had? Because that’s the only sexual thing he said and I didn’t engage in it. 

 

I cant with the assumptions lol. 

Edited October 22, 2021 by Vanity1

[Vanity1]

1 hour ago, Veronica73 said:

OP, obviously this guy is a creep. Now that you know his intentions, if he tries to contact you again, I’d screenshot it, along with my comment of “don’t contact me again.” I don’t know why people are giving you a hard time, unless you’ve been posting other threads on here. I don’t know why people think you are married, or that the guy is 60. 

No idea where these assumptions are from. Never said I was married, never been married. And the man being 60 years old- never said that either nor have I spoken about this man on these forums before . People are making things up. They want me to be the bad guy so bad, it’s ok. 

[Vanity1]

1 hour ago, BaileyB said:

He’s not your family member. He is your cousin’s husband, and as such - you show respect to your cousin by maintaining a healthy boundary with her husband. This means, no secret communication discussing your personal relationships. 

 

Where I’m from, once a family member gets married to someone else they are now considered your family too.