My girlfriend is hiding the extent of her celebrity crush. Should I be jealous?

[Oxdub]

I have been with her for 5 years. She has recently got back into football after 8 years of not watching. I know she has a crush on a specific footballer and often jokes about it with her work colleagues and with me. When I say often I mean pretty much daily or whenever he is playing or in the news. Her girl friends seem to have their seperate football crushes so it’s kind of a girl thing for them.

I am generally okay with it as it’s harmless.

Few things to consider;

1. She originally kept her crush secret from me and I only found out after seeing her message her friend about him with love heart eyes etc. She said its harmless and rolls her eyes if I hint anything sexual.

2. She made me buy a new hoodie and cargo trousers saying they were nice.. Later admitted she liked them acger seeing the footballer wearing them.

3. She has multiple football shirts with his name on the back while watching football. She said she chose the name because she liked the number.

4. She watches football content daily including interviews, his social media, and any training videos. Obviously watches all games with him playing

5. Last week or so every night I have seen her looking at ‘tiktok pov’ stories about the footballer (basically mini fan stories about pretending to be his girlfriend, with sometimes sexual content hinted - nothing too raunchy as it is tik tok). I kind of get it.. it’s a fantasy.. ?

6. She will be looking at these pov stories on her side after saying goodnight and before sleeping, thinking she is hidden from view. And maybe other times throughout the day but that’s just a guess.

7. I don’t think it is sexual as she is laying next to me at the time not doing anything then sleeps.. but I could be wrong. If it is sexual - she is okay with me watching porn and I am okay with her watching it as well.. but for her it’s the same person every time?

8. I once sat up during a time she was looking at these pov stories and she immediately locked her phone and placed it on bed face down - I asked to see her phone (maybe a mistake) and she just straight up refused telling me I should trust her and ‘what are you accusing me of doing’

9. She still loves me and shows me lots of affection and attention (and we still have sex)

10. I feel jealous. Should I be feeling jealous? Is this normal? Is she just avoiding telling me because she is scared of my reaction? Maybe she knows she is obssessed and doesn't want to admit the extent to me or anyone. Is this immature? What can I do without basically letting her know I have been ‘spying’.

11. My heart beats so uncontrollably fast when I know she is looking at these pov stories, makes me feel sick. Am I being stupid.

Any advice is helpful.

 

[Oxdub]

I might add, after looking at these pov stories she will often turn back round to me and place an arm on me / have to hold my shirt to sleep. Or I have to place a hand on her instead.

[Veronica73]

I think you guys have a problem you need to work out together. But I do have to say, as a woman, that you being this upset about her having a crush on a footballer seems pretty miniscule to you jerking off to porn. Maybe it’s just a difference between men and women. In fact, when I was reading you post I was wondering….”Do you watch porn?” And apparently you do. So….don’t see why you’d have a problem with her crushing on a footballer. I mean…she doesn’t actually know him does she? 

I’m not discounting your jealousy. But I’m also a person that has trouble with my SO viewing porn. This situation seems like what is good for the goose is good for the gander. Except she’s not actually masturbating to naked pictures of him.

[Oxdub]

8 minutes ago, Veronica73 said:

I think you guys have a problem you need to work out together. But I do have to say, as a woman, that you being this upset about her having a crush on a footballer seems pretty miniscule to you jerking off to porn. Maybe it’s just a difference between men and women. In fact, when I was reading you post I was wondering….”Do you watch porn?” And apparently you do. So….don’t see why you’d have a problem with her crushing on a footballer. I mean…she doesn’t actually know him does she? 

I’m not discounting your jealousy. But I’m also a person that has trouble with my SO viewing porn. This situation seems like what is good for the goose is good for the gander. Except she’s not actually masturbating to naked pictures of him.

I understand your point of view, however we both watch porn and sometimes watch it while having sex.

I guess I have a problem with it being hidden and need to look to patch up my own insecurities. Or see it as a positive and look at which characteristics she finds attractive in this footballer and better myself.

Edited October 23, 2021 by Oxdub

[Veronica73]

That’s understandable. I think we have very different viewpoints of it. I suspect I am significantly older than you. Like I grew up and started dating long before just about everybody had email or internet access and free, anonymous porn was everywhere. And I don’t think most of the women my age that I grew up with are all that interested in porn. I have a big problem with keeping secrets like that though, so I think I do understand that part.

Edited October 23, 2021 by Veronica73

[Wiseman2]

11 hours ago, Oxdub said:

9. She still loves me and shows me lots of affection and attention (and we still have sex)

See a physician about the palpations. Cut back on caffeine and alcohol.

Maybe you're incompatible. While this obsession is annoying, it's not the end of the world.

If you want to give up item #9 because you can't handle that she's on tiktok or is an avid soccer fan, ok.