i6_ Posted October 23, 2021 Share Posted October 23, 2021 (edited) Recently me and my girlfriend have had a somewhat sudden but expected falling out. In the past we have had a couple close calls and they where all generally focused around the same thing. This was my first relationship so it was also a type of a learning experience on my part as well. This isn't an excuse and I will admit that I had become somewhat lazy in the way I treated my girlfriend for short periods of time. Back to the topic at hand, we recently broke up about a week ago and I didn't take it well at all... I knew something was up so it wasn't a total surprise but actually hearing it made it seem all too real. The first few days where very rough on me and I made the common mistake of doing a little bit of begging and trying to tell her that I can change and I want to make her happy again. This was on and off marking today the first whole week we have been broken up. She told me herself that she doesn't want me totally out of her life but she just doesn't see me as a good fit as a boyfriend right now. She implied that we could maybe be casual friends down the line but I realize that is is most likely her way of letting me down easy since things have ended on somewhat good terms she just wasn't happy with the way she had been treated by me currently. She also suggested that I just give her some time to think about things because she is also in technical college right now with a job on top of that. This situation has been super stressful for me because I have a classic case of "You don't know what you have until its gone". We talked today and I again regretfully overshared my feelings of remorse about the situation but later restrained myself. I accepted her proposition of just letting her think about things for a couple weeks. I assured her that I want to prove to her that I can respect her decision to take some time to figure herself out and that I would like to prove myself dependable and trusting of my word again. This is stemming from the fact that she asked for change and me not fully committing to the change or not meeting her expectations. I would just like to know if this is salvageable. I know trust isn't something you can easily earn back but losing her like this really put my head on strait this time. I know in my heart I want her to be happy and it could be selfish of me to try and hold onto her like this. I may be a little desperate at the moment and I want to take this time apart to improve myself but also prepare myself if my worst fears come true and if she moves on quicker than I expected. I know most of you will tell me to move on with my life and I am probably holding onto false hope, and trust me these are options I have explored deeply even within just this past week. I just want to know if anyone has been through anything similar and if this breakup could be something that can be fixed with time and effort. She means a lot to me but I realize this is also a part of life. Thanks guys. Note: We had been together for about a year and three months and knew each other for another 2 before that. We have a lot of history. I also would like some suggestions on an appropriate time frame for her space. She said a couple weeks but that's vague at best. I just want to know if its best I reach out to her to slowly try and rekindle things or any other suggestions. Edited October 23, 2021 by a LoveShack.org Moderator paragraphs Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted October 23, 2021 Share Posted October 23, 2021 4 hours ago, i6_ said: In the past we have had a couple close calls and they where all generally focused around the same thing. And what was that thing? You say you were lazy in the relationship, but it would be helpful if you could provide a bit more context as to what actually led her to end it. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
glows Posted October 23, 2021 Share Posted October 23, 2021 5 hours ago, i6_ said: She also suggested that I just give her some time to think about things ... I would just like to know if this is salvageable. I know trust isn't something you can easily earn back but losing her like this really put my head on strait this time. ... I just want to know if anyone has been through anything similar and if this breakup could be something that can be fixed with time and effort. ... I also would like some suggestions on an appropriate time frame for her space. She said a couple weeks but that's vague at best. I just want to know if its best I reach out to her to slowly try and rekindle things or any other suggestions. She said to give her time so give her two weeks. Use that time to rethink the relationship also and whether it's been a good run or whether you're happy in it. You're responding to loss and panic right now, withdrawal and pain. Give yourself the two weeks to right yourself and be calm. The decision to be in this relationship is not only hers. It's yours also so make a decision that's best for you regardless of the outcome. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted October 23, 2021 Share Posted October 23, 2021 8 hours ago, i6_ said: . In the past we have had a couple close calls and they where all generally focused around the same thing. Unfortunately it seems like chronic problems and continued unresolved conflicts and incompatibilities. What, exactly, was this same thing that caused rows and rifts in the past? Unless that gets resolved permanently, you'll both be unhappy cycling around in an on/off situation because basically you don't get along. Don't be friends. Don't wait around. There's no such thing as "breaks". It's really a cowardly break-up or poor attempt to soften the breakup. Don't go backwards. Stay strict no contact. Delete and block her and all her people from ALL your social media and messaging apps. That way you can reflect and heal in peace and decide what type of women you get along with. If you tend to coast along and get complacent and lazy, you'll lose a lot of decent women that way. Reflect if your "laziness" in this relationship wasn't really a sign that you were just not that into her. Link to post Share on other sites
Blind-Sided Posted October 23, 2021 Share Posted October 23, 2021 5 hours ago, ExpatInItaly said: And what was that thing? You say you were lazy in the relationship, but it would be helpful if you could provide a bit more context as to what actually led her to end it. Yep... this. But... unfortunately... if it's the same issue, over and over... then from her side... I understand. You can only ask for something to be different so many times before you know... it won't be different. Yes... this is classics "you don't know what you had until it's gone." but... that doesn't mean you will get it back either. You should probably just work on moving forward without her. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Saracena Posted October 26, 2021 Share Posted October 26, 2021 On 10/23/2021 at 1:49 AM, i6_ said: . She said a couple weeks but that's vague at best. I just want to know if its best I reach out to her to slowly try and rekindle things or any other suggestions. In your position I would NOT reach out to her at all even when the arbitrary 2 weeks are up. Give her the space to come to a decision on her own, in her own time.No point in rushing things. Far better to let her do the initiating from now on. She knows where you are is she decides she wants to get in touch/ rekindle things! Good luck! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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