Need help from those with a social life...

[MarcoInaros]

My life consists of only four things - going to work, exercising at the gym, being at home, or walking the dog, not necessarily in that order. I have only a few friends.

 

I feel too boring to be likeable, because I am too quiet and I don't know what to talk about when I am around people. Like right now I am afraid to call a friend of mine bacause I want to know how he's doing but I don't want him to know about my life because it is so boring.

 

I avoid asking other people about thier lives because I don't want them to inquire into mine.

 

Can anyone else relate, and what cognitive distortion am I making? How do I change?

[allaboutchoices]

Does it really bother you (meaning do you hate your life), or do you just think that it's wrong (because the society says so)?

 

I am kinda like that as well. When I talk to people, I ask them about themselves. If they ask me, I just say that nothing's going on and we move on with conversation about whatever. I don't feel bad about being a 'loner' and being quiet. If I have nothing to say, I won't.

[libertyordeath]

Well one of the reasons we have popular culture is that it provides us with unimportant nonsense to talk about... Can you talk about a movie you have seen, a book you have read? Something in the newspaper? The Chicago White Sox world series prospects? Conversations with others dont always have to be directly about yourself. You have a dog.. Im sure you have plenty of funny and amusing anecdotes to relate about him... all of this is fodder for conversation..

[FataMorgana]

When I talk to people, I ask them about themselves. If they ask me, I just say that nothing's going on and we move on with conversation about whatever.

 

great advice. Also if you keep asking questions, most people quite like talking about their social events or interests, so just keep asking away, move conversation to another topic you know they are interested in ... before you know time jut flies

 

also your life does not sound boring, you just seem to have a routine, I'm sure things happen at work everyday, at the gym etc that you can easily talk about. Just beacause they are the norm/ie boring to you, doesn't mean everyone else will think the same.

[megabit15]

Conversationally Speaking: Tested New Way to Increase Your Personal and Social Effectiveness by Alan Garner gives some very good tips on social interaction.

[reddog63]

You need to go watch the movie 40 year old virgin..........

 

Sense of humor is something you need to develope...........side note.

[megabit15]

You need to go watch the movie 40 year old virgin..........

 

Sense of humor is something you need to develope...........side note.

Aw come on...don't you LIKE perpetual whiners??

Seriously - very good point.

[MarcoInaros]

Yes I saw that movie and it was hilarious.

 

So your calling me a perpetual whiner?

[whichwayisup]

My life consists of only four things - going to work, exercising at the gym, being at home, or walking the dog, not necessarily in that order. I have only a few friends.

 

I feel too boring to be likeable, because I am too quiet and I don't know what to talk about when I am around people. Like right now I am afraid to call a friend of mine bacause I want to know how he's doing but I don't want him to know about my life because it is so boring.

 

I avoid asking other people about thier lives because I don't want them to inquire into mine.

 

Can anyone else relate, and what cognitive distortion am I making? How do I change?

 

I know how you feel. As I'm sure you've read somewhere in one of the anxiety/depression threads, I have an anxiety disorder. I'm alot better now but I have my low moments - And recently I've had abit of a rough go this past week...The weather changing, the light getting darker earlier...(I did a post about S.A.D, do you suffer from that?) So I can relate to the "boring" feeling you have. I tend to withdrawal from family and friends, feeling like I have nothing fun to offer. The thing is, it's all in my head! I make more of a big deal of it than necessary and I have to PUSH myself very hard somedays to get out and DO stuff. This is where the avoidance behaviour sets in and Jeff, you are there now.

You're avoiding situations, people and places because you don't feel confident and good about yourself. GO out anyway. I tell ya, even if I don't want to I get dragged out (tell your friends to MAKE you go somewhere with them atleast twice a week. Anywhere, bowling, a movie, playing pool) I go out because it helps. The busier you try to be, the better you will feel. The confidence level will go up and you'll feel happier.

 

Would you consider therapy as well? I think one on one CBT (Cognitive Behaviour Therapy) would be great for you. Those thoughts you have in your head are messing with you and making it worse. I know too, I've been there.

 

Hope this helps.

[finalf72]

i used to be like that. what i did was just have fun, and if i cant have fun with my freinds, i have fun with myself. when i started to have fun with myself i enjoyed my own company and didnt worry about friends, and then thats when i started to get friends. well thats just my life experience, hope this helps u some how

[HokeyReligions]

What's a Social Life?

[finalf72]

just have fun with ur self and make it so u enjoy the time to urself then u wont care about friends anymore and thats when ull make freinds. like what i do is go see movies, chill at internet cafes, play video games, and work out to become the ultimate soldier (yes im a half nerd so what) and i had so much fun and all of a sudden b4 i knew it i met my best friends

[monkey00]

The busier you try to be, the better you will feel. The confidence level will go up and you'll feel happier.

 

QUOTE]

 

I think this is very important. I too dont really have much friends, only 2 or 3 that i really hang out with. We end up doing the same thing anyway, so it does get boring fast.

 

But aside from them im a full time college student and work part time, in the past i used to hit the gym too. But this semester i've been so busy with work that my confidence has grown, even interacting with people have been easier than ever. Im planning on taking some martial arts lessons soon.

Anyway the point is, by keeping ourselves busy, having a lot of friends or an amazing social life isnt really necessary. As long as you are content with who you are...but you arent.

So i suggest go out and do things on your own, great way of meeting people. and join clubs or volunteer or have hobbies that can attract ppl of similar interests.

[allaboutchoices]

What's a Social Life?

 

:laugh:

 

Well, there is one person you don't wanna listen to...

[MarcoInaros]

Well I pushed myself to go to a gym and I take some of the arobics classes there, and there are some cute girls there. But it seems that no matter where I go people are far more socially engaged than I am. They are on thier cell phones or with thier friends or gf/bf...and I havent been to a party in like 2 years and haven't kissed a girl ever. But I want it...more than anything....a social life and a girlfriend for once. Life seems...vacant, and depressing. It's hard to go out and do things by myself. Social anxiety....sure I probably have that, with a host of other conditions...but who cares? Those diagnosises are so ambiguous they could apply to anyone. I'm taking antidepressants and working on a shyness workbook.

[whichwayisup]

It's good you're being PRO-active about it and not lazing in bed crying about it and feeling sorry for yourself.

 

Trust me, YOU will start to gain confidence and feel better.