elbel1995 Posted October 24, 2021 Share Posted October 24, 2021 So just a bit of understanding for my own sanity really & to hear the opinion from others. (Male & female opinions welcome!) Split from my ex of 7 years nearly a year ago now. We were living together. He left me for someone else. He then decided he made a mistake & he came back to me after chasing me for a good few months (behind the new partners back) we tried again but wasn’t “official”. Things were going OK. He then kissed a work colleague on a night out. Decided to pursue her. I leave him like before, I move on with my life. Leave him to it. Again, after a month (quicker this time, he defo fell for the first girl more!) he chases after me again. Says he loves me, doesn’t know what to do (stay with new girl, come with me) says he’s tried to move on twice now but still is so in love with me. The thing I don’t get is, why when he’s chasing me & saying all these nice things and telling me it’s me he wants is he STILL with the girl on their days off, publicly posting her on his socials, meeting her family, staying at her house ect. Like what is the reason for him keeping me around & chasing me??? Saying these things? To me it seems like he’s made his choice that he wants her? It’s not sex because he slept with (and still is!) the new girl within the first week after bragging about it. The whole time we’re not together he gives me everything, then when he has me, I’m not being heard & he doesn’t care. Please can someone make me see sense of this because I don’t understand it. Yes I ignore him but when he constantly rings me & turns up at my flat when I don’t answer his messages it’s very hard! Lol. TIA x Link to post Share on other sites
Sun Seeker Posted October 24, 2021 Share Posted October 24, 2021 You should focus on your own actions rather than his, or lack of. You keep making the same mistake over and over again, when are you going to stop? Do not answer his calls, block his number, if he turns up at your flat and doesn't leave call the police. Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted October 24, 2021 Share Posted October 24, 2021 3 hours ago, elbel1995 said: The whole time we’re not together he gives me everything, then when he has me, I’m not being heard & he doesn’t care. Please can someone make me see sense of this Because he's not actually in love with you anymore, he just doesn't want to be alone. So when his flings don't work out, he knows you will be on stand-by. He treats you like crap, basically, and has no respect for you. He just tells you what you want to hear in the moment to get you to take him back, and then he bounces again to go chase his next crush when she struts into view. You really need better boundaries and tell him to go fly a kite. Don't answer his calls. Or better, block him. If he turns up at your house, tell him to leave. This relationship was over a long time ago and it's not going to have a happy ending now after all this dysfunction. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted October 24, 2021 Share Posted October 24, 2021 4 hours ago, elbel1995 said: he constantly rings me & turns up at my flat when I don’t answer his messages it’s very hard! Sorry this happened . Be rid of him for good. Be crystal clear about that. Delete and block him from all your social media and messaging apps. Get a restraining order or call the police if he keeps stalking and trespassing. Be glad you are finally rid of this cheating player. Now you're free. In the meantime, see a physician for an evaluation of your physical and mental health. Specifically, get tested for STDs. And ask for a referral to a qualified therapist for ongoing support. Talk to trusted friends and family. Let them know what's going on. Make sure to round out your life more so you're not filling voids with horny stray cats showing up at your doorstep. Get involved in your own life. Get a side hustle, volunteer, join some groups and clubs, get involved in sports and fitness . Stay busy and reflect on what you want out of life. Link to post Share on other sites
spiderowl Posted November 15, 2021 Share Posted November 15, 2021 (edited) On 10/24/2021 at 2:23 AM, elbel1995 said: So just a bit of understanding for my own sanity really & to hear the opinion from others. (Male & female opinions welcome!) Split from my ex of 7 years nearly a year ago now. We were living together. He left me for someone else. He then decided he made a mistake & he came back to me after chasing me for a good few months (behind the new partners back) we tried again but wasn’t “official”. Things were going OK. He then kissed a work colleague on a night out. Decided to pursue her. I leave him like before, I move on with my life. Leave him to it. Again, after a month (quicker this time, he defo fell for the first girl more!) he chases after me again. Says he loves me, doesn’t know what to do (stay with new girl, come with me) says he’s tried to move on twice now but still is so in love with me. The thing I don’t get is, why when he’s chasing me & saying all these nice things and telling me it’s me he wants is he STILL with the girl on their days off, publicly posting her on his socials, meeting her family, staying at her house ect. Like what is the reason for him keeping me around & chasing me??? Saying these things? To me it seems like he’s made his choice that he wants her? It’s not sex because he slept with (and still is!) the new girl within the first week after bragging about it. The whole time we’re not together he gives me everything, then when he has me, I’m not being heard & he doesn’t care. Please can someone make me see sense of this because I don’t understand it. Yes I ignore him but when he constantly rings me & turns up at my flat when I don’t answer his messages it’s very hard! Lol. TIA x I am sorry but his behaviour is never going to make sense because it is driven by his own selfish needs. He wants you, then he wants someone else. He wants both of you. He doesn't want to lose you, then he kisses someone else and he is off again. Bear in mind, he doesn't care about you while he is chasing his own needs. This guy is never going to be a reliable, trustworthy partner for you. He has little self control and is selfish. He will tell you sweet nothings when he wants your time and attention. He doesn't want to be without you - maybe sees you as some sort of security in his chaotic life. However, you are worth so much more than being someone's security blanket that he dumps whenever a shiny new blanket comes along. Instead of wondering why he is doing what he does, it would be better for you to decide what you need from a relationship and then chuck out those who are incapable of providing it. If you want any kind of consistency and love, he is not the right guy. He will drag you along on his merry dance as long as you allow him to. If he says things that suggest he has changed his mind, that he doesn't want others, only you, it will only be to get you under his thumb again. Once he is sure you are there for him, he will be off chasing someone else and breaking your heart. The guy is an emotional disaster zone. Edited November 15, 2021 by spiderowl Link to post Share on other sites
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