Sunnydays1111 Posted October 24, 2021 Share Posted October 24, 2021 I know people that were just friends then months later they are dating. I don't understand. People can't be friends then decide one day they want to be a couple! I mean, if they claim they are friends-in the back of their mind-there has to be some attraction going on there right and they deep down they hope to be something more? Because I can't recall ever having a guy friend that wanted something more later on -basically its just that getting stuck in "friend -zoned." Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted October 24, 2021 Share Posted October 24, 2021 Yes I do think there is a romantic attraction in the beginning and after becaoming friends realize they are compatible also and it morps into a relationship. It's kind of rare in my experience but when it happens the couple are usually very happy and end up getting married. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Sunnydays1111 Posted October 24, 2021 Author Share Posted October 24, 2021 So does that mean, since I don't have any platonic guy friends-they are not attracted to me to even be my friend? Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted October 24, 2021 Share Posted October 24, 2021 5 minutes ago, Sunnydays1111 said: So does that mean, since I don't have any platonic guy friends-they are not attracted to me to even be my friend? Well just because you don't have platonic guy friends does not mean that you do not have guys who are attracted to you. Most guys are not interested in being platonic friends with girls but have a romantic/sexual interest in them. Going from platonic friends to lovers is somewhat rare. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Sunnydays1111 Posted October 24, 2021 Author Share Posted October 24, 2021 32 minutes ago, stillafool said: Well just because you don't have platonic guy friends does not mean that you do not have guys who are attracted to you. Most guys are not interested in being platonic friends with girls but have a romantic/sexual interest in them. Going from platonic friends to lovers is somewhat rare. My ex left me for someone who he claimed were just friends, He met her in school. I was suspicious-but then I thought well, its normal to have friends in the opposite sex in college. A few months later he started dating her. Are you saying that he had some sort of romantic/sexual interest in her prior to leaving me for her? Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted October 24, 2021 Share Posted October 24, 2021 (edited) 21 minutes ago, Sunnydays1111 said: My ex left me for someone who he claimed were just friends, He met her in school. I was suspicious. he had some sort of romantic/sexual interest in her prior to leaving me for her? Sorry to hear this. How long were you dating? Was this a distance relationship? How old is he? Unfortunately you're probably correct that the "just friends" comment was to cover romantic interest/cheating. Edited October 24, 2021 by Wiseman2 1 Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted October 24, 2021 Share Posted October 24, 2021 35 minutes ago, Sunnydays1111 said: Are you saying that he had some sort of romantic/sexual interest in her prior to leaving me for her? Yes. He was attracted to her romantically and sexually and never wanted to be just her friend. More than likely he was cheating on you and dating her which led to your break up. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted October 25, 2021 Share Posted October 25, 2021 7 hours ago, Sunnydays1111 said: People can't be friends then decide one day they want to be a couple! I mean, if they claim they are friends-in the back of their mind-there has to be some attraction going on there right and they deep down they hope to be something more? I don't think it's like a sudden "one day they want to be a couple" thing. Instead I think it's more that they begin as platonic friends/acquaintances then to develop deeper feelings over a period of time and then start dating. 2 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Sunnydays1111 Posted October 25, 2021 Author Share Posted October 25, 2021 5 hours ago, Wiseman2 said: Sorry to hear this. How long were you dating? Was this a distance relationship? How old is he? Unfortunately you're probably correct that the "just friends" comment was to cover romantic interest/cheating. He must of gradually started to like her, not necessarily cheating, I think maybe they were just friends-college buddies-then they just started hanging out more-that type of thing 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Sunnydays1111 Posted October 25, 2021 Author Share Posted October 25, 2021 15 minutes ago, Sunnydays1111 said: He must of gradually started to like her, not necessarily cheating, I think maybe they were just friends-college buddies-then they just started hanging out more-that type of thing But still he must of been somewhat "attracted" to her before they were officially together. Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted October 25, 2021 Share Posted October 25, 2021 Sure, I think that most of us can be 'somewhat attracted' to a different person. Link to post Share on other sites
princessaurora Posted October 25, 2021 Share Posted October 25, 2021 He probably found her attractive and then as he got to know her better, things just happened. Now is it possible he knew from the get go he wanted a relationship with her?. Absolutely. . That's what happened to me with my now husband, I was dating another guy at the time and I met now hubs at a party. As soon as i saw him, I knew I was in trouble. There was an instant connection between us, but being that I had a boyfriend and he had just got out of a long term relationship, I told him we could be friends. But being I was insanely attracted to him, if I'm being honest, I knew I was lying to him and myself. I thought I was doing the right thing by staying with my boyfriend because he didn't do anything wrong and I felt so bad I was strongly attracted to this other guy. I talked with the hubs almost every night for several weeks. He kept trying to get me to hang with him, but I always said no because I knew with the chemistry between us being off the charts, if he made a move, I wasn't going to be able to resist him. I finally gave in to his request to get together the following month and we ended up kissing that night. I broke up with my boyfriend the following day.. . But my cousin fell in love with one of her guy friends over time. It was not planned at all. She initially thought he was a dork. but over time things just changed between them. Eventually she decided to broach the subject with him and lucky for her he felt the same. They're married now with 2 kids. So he could have deliberately set up the scene for romance to bloom with her by being just friends, or he could have just started liking her as more than a friend as he got to know her better. It's honestly a tossup. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Blind-Sided Posted October 25, 2021 Share Posted October 25, 2021 People are different. Some people will say "We are just friends" before they know if they are going to date or not. OR... they will say it when one party is trying to win over the other person. Trying to put a hard label on things is difficult since you don't really know what is going through the other person's mind. As for me... I've had female friends when I was in collage, that I had told people "We are just friends". Sure, I was attracted to them... but for whatever reason... I didn't want to date them. I remember there was one girl who was into me... and the was HOT !!!! But she was dumb, and I couldn't deal with that. At this point, I was in collage at about the 6 year mark, and I had Liberal Arts, and Bio degrees under my belt, and was almost done with my Physics degree. (I just can't do dumb) The was a second girl who I would have dated... but I don't think she was interested in me other than hanging out in the group of friends we had. (She was interested in a buddy of mine) Later in life... I did wind up with several female friends... and they were instrumental in helping me through my divorce. I would never do anything to break the trust of those friends, like trying to "Date" one of them. Just some random thoughts 2 Link to post Share on other sites
glows Posted October 25, 2021 Share Posted October 25, 2021 It happens.. it sounds like you are struggling more with your ex potentially cheating or having feelings for someone else while with you. Know that not all men are like this. Link to post Share on other sites
mark clemson Posted October 25, 2021 Share Posted October 25, 2021 (edited) As mentioned above there are all sorts of permutations/gradations of this, and some men do the platonic friendship thing better than others. Maybe your ex was indeed cheating or developing a strong attraction; maybe the friend happened to be there and convenient to start a relationship with after you had broken up, and they both waited a respectable amount of time to ensure you and the ex were really done before letting anything happen. There is no real way to tell. However, you're probably best served by not overly worrying about what's now over, but instead should focus on moving on. I have been with my wife for 20+ years and we allow each other to have opposite sex friendships. IF a specific friendship is threatening, we each have the "right" to ask that it end. That works for us. YMMV. Edited October 25, 2021 by mark clemson Link to post Share on other sites
Els Posted October 25, 2021 Share Posted October 25, 2021 Some of us take time to develop attraction. Personally, I have never, literally never, been attracted to a man just from looking at him. I have to hear him speak, know his mind, know him as a person. Being "friends" is generally pretty conducive to that sort of attraction developing. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Foxhall Posted October 25, 2021 Share Posted October 25, 2021 Maybe years later if the two people for whatever reason have not found love, then they may reconnect and second time around it becomes more romantic, as comes up frequently on a certain other thread- one of them eventually "settles" for the other even though in the past they did not quite have the mutual sparks, and that guy or girl was not "good enough" to be their romantic partner. then over time, well him or her is better option than just staying single Perhaps "brother sister type relationships or close friends can be a good basis for future romantic relationship, yet while they will confide a lot in such a person, they prefer to go to bed with someone different. but generally its not that easy perhaps to move out of the friendzone and usually the friendship fizzles out. One person always wants more and this leads to end of friendship. as with a lot in life or in my world at least, nothing is an absolute , a certain grey area with this Link to post Share on other sites
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