MIAho Posted October 25, 2021 Share Posted October 25, 2021 My girlfriend and I (Both 39 y/o) have been together for over 4 years. She has been the ideal girlfriend. She's very kind and supportive and respectful to my family and great with my nephews. I currently live in a basement studio apartment that frequently floods during thunderstorms and is next to a yard that has a skunk infestation problem. About a year ago, my girlfriend and I agreed to move into an apartment together. Since then, we've started to run into some issues. A week spent in her place exposed what little we have in common. She likes a lot of together time while I like a balance of together and alone time. In January, she gave me until her 40th birthday to propose to her, which is next week. Also, she will not even begin to look into moving in with me until I propose to her and even though she hasn't come out and said anything but she's also trying to get pregnant before we move in together. I always thought when I found the woman I was going to spend the rest of my life with, I would be excited to get married to her and the thought of marrying my current girlfriend legitimately scares the crap out of me but so does the potential backlash of breaking up with her on her 40th birthday. What should I do? Link to post Share on other sites
S2B Posted October 25, 2021 Share Posted October 25, 2021 If you aren’t a good match for living together why would you marry her? if you like alone time - find someone less needy. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted October 26, 2021 Share Posted October 26, 2021 9 hours ago, MIAho said: I currently live in a basement studio apartment that frequently floods during thunderstorms and is next to a yard that has a skunk infestation problem. Unfortunately it seems like you are incompatible. Don't move in together. Don't get engaged. Rather, focus on improving your quality of life. First start looking for places you can afford on your own that are not this dilapidated. Once you live in better surroundings you won't feel pressured to string someone along with the hope of finding better living conditions. Get a side hustle, join some groups and clubs. Volunteer, take classes and courses. Consider house sharing or roommates. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Blind-Sided Posted October 26, 2021 Share Posted October 26, 2021 12 hours ago, MIAho said: 1) A week spent in her place exposed what little we have in common. She likes a lot of together time while I like a balance of together and alone time. 2) she gave me until her 40th birthday to propose to her, which is next week. 3) but she's also trying to get pregnant before we move in together. 4) the thought of marrying my current girlfriend legitimately scares the crap out of me I broke it up some to make it clear..... 1) You can't spend your life with someone you don't have things in common with. 2) Relationships are not built on ultimatums. EVER !!! I've seen this one here a bunch of times, and honestly, if a girl did this to me, and I was unsure... I would break up right then and there. 3) Do you want a kid? One thing to keep in mind... a kid with someone you don't want to be with will keep you tied to that person for the rest of your life !!!!!! Sure, once the kid is old enough to be on their own... you will see that person minimally... but you will still see them. 4) Then that's your answer. DO NOT DO IT !!! Like you said... you should feel happy to want to marry someone. The only reason you worry about breaking up is that you don't want to be alone. But, I can say with honesty... a good 40 yo guy is worth a lot in today's dating market. Free yourself from her demands, and move on. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Nothanks Posted October 26, 2021 Share Posted October 26, 2021 You clearly don’t want to get married so tell her the truth and stop using her and stringing her along. Find your own place and let her find someone who does want to marry her for the right reasons……and obviously don’t get her pregnant. Marriage is not necessarily a lifetime commitment but being a parent sure is. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
understand50 Posted October 26, 2021 Share Posted October 26, 2021 Your 40 and you do not want to get married. Have you ever wanted too? How many times have you come close and called it off? My thought, is it is not so much the woman, but getting married itself that scares you. Maybe, you need to move past your fear of getting hitched, and do so. Trying to find the most perfect match in the world is never going to work. I wish you luck.... 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Mrin Posted October 26, 2021 Share Posted October 26, 2021 Getting broken up with on your 40th birthday is infinitely better than going through a divorce after your 40th birthday. Just saying. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Mrin Posted October 26, 2021 Share Posted October 26, 2021 Also... She wants to get pregnant? And she is about to turn 40? Dude, if she's not the one you want you OWE it to her to end it ASAP. She doesn't have a lot of time left to have kids. Stop wasting her time. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Sun Seeker Posted October 26, 2021 Share Posted October 26, 2021 4 years.. and you still don't want to get married and have kids with her? Why are you being so selfish and wasting her time? If you are not compatible/not feeling it/can't see a future together then do the right thing and break up, stop prolonging it. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
glows Posted October 26, 2021 Share Posted October 26, 2021 (edited) 16 hours ago, MIAho said: My girlfriend and I (Both 39 y/o) have been together for over 4 years. She has been the ideal girlfriend. She's very kind and supportive and respectful to my family and great with my nephews. I currently live in a basement studio apartment that frequently floods during thunderstorms and is next to a yard that has a skunk infestation problem. About a year ago, my girlfriend and I agreed to move into an apartment together. Since then, we've started to run into some issues. A week spent in her place exposed what little we have in common. She likes a lot of together time while I like a balance of together and alone time. In January, she gave me until her 40th birthday to propose to her, which is next week. Also, she will not even begin to look into moving in with me until I propose to her and even though she hasn't come out and said anything but she's also trying to get pregnant before we move in together. I always thought when I found the woman I was going to spend the rest of my life with, I would be excited to get married to her and the thought of marrying my current girlfriend legitimately scares the crap out of me but so does the potential backlash of breaking up with her on her 40th birthday. What should I do? It shouldn't be this way. Unless you have a serious hang up about getting married or committing in general, put off marrying her. Marrying someone shouldn't induce this much terror or fear. Be more careful and don't have a baby with her either. Let her know that you are sorry but you can't continue the relationship. Don't offer to be friends either. Move on. Edited October 26, 2021 by glows Link to post Share on other sites
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